anonymous700

Date posted: 1y

Making friends

Yesterday I got all dressed up to go out with my cousins and I went to the bar we were supposed to meet up at only to be waiting there for an hour until I figured they weren’t coming…so out of desperation or vulnerability I suppose I texted my ex who lived near by only to then be rejected once again from him. Yesterday was intense because it worsened my intrusive thoughts. I just felt so alone and so sad. It’s so hard making friends and it really sucks sometimes because I like to be social I like to make friends but I just never make any. I feel like something just isn’t clicking with me. I’m already 27 and I really wish I had a significant other I want that in my life I want a family.

Mr.ocd

Date posted: 1y

Dont beat youself up for others short comings. The ex thing good thing he declined it was probably for the best overall. Yeah sure maybe you not where you wanna be YET, but youll get there one day just keep on working on yourself and itll be alright.

anonymous700

Date posted: 1y

@Mr.ocd Thank you 🙏🏼 ❤️❤️❤️

Mreow

Date posted: 1y

@Mr.ocd “Don’t beat yourself up for others shortcomings”. WOW. That’s brilliant advice for the poster but also it’s advice that I needed to hear. That really resonates. Thank you

Mreow

Date posted: 1y

@anonymous700 I agree with what Mr OCD says! Couldn’t have said it better Anonymous 700.

JordTheNord

Date posted: 1y

Feeling alone and just unfortunate circumstances make our thoughts worse for sure. Did they say why the weren’t coming? Did they apologize for having you wait a hour for them? Why do you think you struggle making new friends? Also, own that you texted your ex. Don’t say you suppose 😉😏. We all been there.

anonymous700

Date posted: 1y

@JordTheNord My cousins tend to be flaky but because they’re my family I always feel obligated to break my boundaries for them. And well I am so embarrassed to admit that I texted my ex because I always do when I’m so vulnerable 😭🥴

JordTheNord

Date posted: 1y

@anonymous700 I understand breaking boundaries for family. I’ve done that myself however I stopped and you need to stop because it was not good for me or you or anyone! Of course doesn’t mean you need cross them out of your life just remember they flaky and don’t depend on them. I call this “keeping your ppl where they are”. I have friends that are great but give terrible advice so I never ask them for advice but always down for a good time with them. I have flaky ppl, will always be down to hang with them but I don’t count on them or set up super important things around them. Also, some ppl just like to be home bodies and chill so I never push them to go out. This way you can have all these social connections but we are maneuvering wisely through everyone’s individualism. However it is still not cool that they stood you up like that and didn’t say anything not cool. Also, we’ve all been there and made mistakes or reached out to an ex in a vulnerable position! You are not alone and do not feel embarrassed. Just because we make mistakes doesn’t mean we need to feel embarrassed. It’s already enough to deal with the mistake but no need to pile on shame. It is hard and kinda weird making new friends that stick as an adult lol. Remember though don’t take it personal if they don’t stick I’m sure there are some ppl you wouldn’t want to be friends with and visa versa because some of us just don’t mesh well with others and that’s ok! Also, you did say ppl seem to have established a set group of friends and with everyone rushing around or filling time to fill time (I think this is silly we do this) it’s hard to get new ppl involved. Ppl get comfortable. If your social and you seem very sweet keep being you! You’ll get your lot. Just focus on yourself and your activities and doing new activities or learning new skills on your own. Juice the resume up lol. You got this. Online hug 🤗

anonymous700

Date posted: 1y

@JordTheNord THANK YOU SO MUCH! I really appreciate it! This means so much especially the online hug 😭❤️ that was much needed. But I really thank you for this advice. I think my ocd comes into play with the whole “well what did I do wrong for them to not like me/ flake on me” and so I definitely need to practice enjoying my own company and just enjoying trying new things! Thank you ❤️

JordTheNord

Date posted: 1y

@anonymous700 @Mr.ocd said it well too. Don’t blame yourself for other’s shortcomings.

JordTheNord

Date posted: 1y

@anonymous700 My pleasure! 😊

JessIsConfused

Date posted: 1y

Everyone has those moments. It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to have low points for ocd to come back. You are human, we make mistakes. What is important to remember is we can’t change what we can’t control. I always think that wouldn’t I rather be in a relationship that I fully enjoy then a half made one out of depression. I would work on yourself! Work on being social, don’t lose that! Making friends is hard and honestly both getting into a relationship and making friends all come down to luck. And it is tiring always putting yourself out there but it always is good to try! And in the meantime do things you enjoy, spend time with family or work. And I would also try and call out ur cousins that was not very nice of them to stand u up. You got this! I know people say life is so short but it just feels that way sometimes. You have so much time to grow and change. You life will change, circumstances will change and this will all be figured out

anonymous700

Date posted: 1y

@JessIsConfused Thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️ I really can’t thank you enough I feel so connected to ppl in this app and it means a lot knowing I’m not alone and there’s a community here ❤️

777Q

Date posted: 1y

Please take my comments as trying to be helpful and not critical . Overall avoiding ex boyfriend , ex girlfriend is a good general rule . Bars also are not the greatest for meeting people . These are just my observations over many years . Think in terms of interests that have a higher level of success with positive people and outcomes. For example , arts , music , sports , volunteering , traveling and so on .

anonymous700

Date posted: 1y

@777Q I have tried! I go to a running group. I also go to yoga and well I have tried engaging with in making friends through these activities the ppl just don’t stick. It’s like they already have their sense of friendships. As for bars, yea no, I do not plan on meeting any one there 😂 it just sucks because I do like getting all pretty to go out with friends and dance and ppl watch but I have no one to do that with lol

777Q

Date posted: 1y

@anonymous700 Hang in there . Better days are coming 😊. People are not like they used to be as years have gone by people overall seem more isolating and many could care less about others , wrapped up in their own life dramas .

Mreow

Date posted: 1y

It sounds like maybe there are people around you right now who don’t know your worth and exists in places in your day to day life with folks you don’t vibe with. And OCD or sensitivity in general can make us read even into this stuff as signs of something wrong with us when really it may just be a time and place thing. And your cousins standing you up like that, that’s on them. They don’t deserve your friendship. Maybe they get your love as a cousin, but social time and space they don’t deserve. They can do better. There are ALL kinds of people in the world and right now there is someone somewhere who you would vibe with, also longing for a friend like you. Don’t give up.

anonymous700

Date posted: 1y

@FJustRightOCD Thank you so much you don’t know how much this comment means to me 🥹

secretuser

Date posted: 23w

stuck in life

my grades are super bad, my ex moved on, i have no real friends at all, and i feel empty inside. i feel nothing but i feel so many emotions at the same time. i wish i would’ve done better in life. i push people away but then complain about being lonely. me and my ex broke up 8 months ago and i still can’t get over him. he got a girlfriend a week after our breakup and it makes me think about so many things. i’ve talked to guys after that but none of them are the same, i got this feeling with him i got with nobody else and it hurts to know i won’t ever get it back. i feel like im not good or pretty enough for anyone. i feel to difficult for a relationship and to tired. i compare myself to his new girlfriend all the time and i can’t stop. why can’t i be as pretty as her? what was so wrong with me that we had to stop talking? we talk every month as friends but it lasts an hour. my heart craves his love again but i know i won’t ever get him back. i remember this one time i tried cutting off all contact with him because of his girlfriend. when i did, he said he didn’t wanna fully let me go because im a good friend to keep around and he knows ill always be there. i don’t know if he still means that because it’s been months but he still texts me first sometimes. i know i need to let go but im stuck in life and i just need him to help me like he always would. but i cant get his help so i feel stuck and confused and sad and empty.

Berryx2

Date posted: 13w

I feel all alone still

I don’t know what to do anymore I made a friend recently in college and was texting her the other night and she mentioned she was doing her nails and I said nice and asked her if I could see. Because I was curious about what she did to them this time around and since then she has not responded to me I apologized to her saying I’m sorry if it bothered her but still nothing. Some of my friends just don’t answer me anymore I feel like I’m a burden of the ones who do still talk me I’m so done with it all. I’m tired of trying to find love as well I feel nothing to it anymore it’s only left me with disappointment and sadness I feel like I’m an unlovable husk of a person and that I would only ever be a bother I cannot fathom the idea of someone loving ME I just can’t I feel like it’s impossible I feel like everything about me bothers people to the point where I think is it even something I should try to achieve anymore. I should honestly block myself from trying to make new friends and relationships I’m so so tired of it. I feel unappreciated and annoyed that I am the one that has to try to keep up any sort of relationship because if I don’t reach out they never will reach out to me the reason I know this is because it’s been proven time after time since middle school that I am nothing to these people and I might as well no longer try. I don’t know what to do anymore I feel like I’m going to be all alone for the rest of my life I’m just so lonely now.

stuckonathought

Date posted: 9w

I’m ruining my own life

I’ve been in a really difficult situation recently and this weekend I’ve been looking forward to for ages. I had a concert and then nights out planned with my cousins. But I’m a tad bit older than them and they’re a lot closer in ages, as are all their friends from uni, so I’m kinda just stuck here with nothing to do. They’re off flirting with people their age and dancing and I’m getting no attraction or even attention (not in an attention seeking kinda way just an I’m lonely kinda way). At the concert they left my 5 or 6 times to go to the toilet and get drinks, when I went to the toilet I went alone. I was left alone to the point people around started to notice and I had one guy say “left alone are you? You need to get better friends” I just feel very left out. I’m a lot older than them and I know I have to keep a mature head but I’ve already fallen into a pit of depression recently and very very low self esteem to the point I barely wanna go out in public, that I’m now sat here all anxious and in a really bad mood. I don’t even know exactly why or when it changed but last night I just snapped. My sister was off meeting new people, my cousin was dancing with creepy men, a guy I found attractive was more interested in my cousin, she started dancing all provocative on him and I was just kinda there. I then had people asking me if I was neurodivergent and bisexual which just sent my ocd spiralling and nobody quite understands how horrible it is to be in my head. There was this lovely guy saying how amazing stunning and beautiful I was but it kinda just made me go “you’re saying that because you feel bad for me, because you know they’re getting all the attention and I’m this ugly duff person on the side”, it’s insanely exhausting. I’m tired of it now. I don’t wanna be in a mood anymore but I can’t seem to shift it, I’m stuck

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