- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
Something that's helped me: "you can choose"
Super long post! But I hope it helps someone. Just to note off the top, if you're looking for reassurance here, you're probably not going to find it (sorry - but that's the point!) I've been seeing a lot of posts here with the format "I've had X thought -- does it mean anything?" or "I've had Y feeling and I'm afraid it means ___". If you've had OCD for some time, you know that the follow-up to checking or reassurance seeking is "are you sure?" It might sound like a bit of a bummer, but no matter what kind of reassurance you get from those kinds of questions (and trust me, I've had my fair share!), OCD will never have enough. That sounds really harsh, but if you stick with me for a bit, I promise it gets more hopeful towards the end (and in a way that doesn't require providing reassurance!). OCD loves to take intrusive thoughts, feelings, or urges ("I just had a thought that I could hurt someone") and focus on places where there's doubt ("how can I be sure I don't hurt someone?") and then tries to play out each circumstance with complete certainty ("well that must mean X which must mean Y which must mean Z"). In a way, this kind of "playing out the future" is a way to cover up the uncertainty we all have going on in our everyday lives. With ERP the goal is to allow ourselves to embrace the ambiguity at the start - "I just had a thought that I could hurt someone, and that COULD mean Z; but also maybe not." One thing that OCD often forgets is that thoughts aren't actions - they're just random! YOU get to CHOOSE what your thoughts mean. For example, I might have the thought "I'm going to make a peanut butter jelly sandwich". Does that /have to mean/ I'm craving a peanut butter jelly sandwich right now? Nope. Does that /have to mean/ I'm going to make one? Nope. Does that /have to mean/ that someday I'll be a chef that specializes in making peanut butter jelly sandwiches? Nope. Try to practice: "I had thought X" --> "that might mean something, it might not, AND I get to choose what it means". At the end of the day, I get to choose whether or not I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Try it out sometime: "I had thought X, which I think might mean Y. That may or may not be true AND I can choose what it means." It's important to recognize the difference between that and reassurance seeking or checking - which would look like "I had thought X, which I think might mean Y. I HAVE TO figure out what this means and make sure it's okay". When practicing this it's also important not to get yourself in the loop of "I MUST choose or figure out what this means RIGHT NOW." I've found that reminding myself that I'm an active part of my own decisions in my life gives me a sense of agency that OCD is working really hard to take away. By saying "I can choose", you're taking away the certainty OCD wants you to have about all of the catastrophic outcomes and giving yourself the room to embrace the ambiguity of "hmmm, OCD, I hear what you're saying, but I'm not so sure." It's not easy, and it's not something that will come naturally at first! But be patient and kind with yourself and treat it like you're training your mind to be resilient. You got this!