zeebee1

Date posted: 1y

It feels true today

Im 24 and have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. He is the best sex I've ever had and we had an amazing time together on sunday. TMI but I couldn't keep my hands off of him. Now I'm convinced im putting on an act and I should be with a woman. Whenever I meet woman I become convinced I have crushes on them and I think I'm in love with like practically all of my female friends I had for years. I don't feel attracted to my boyfriend today even though two days ago I thought he was so beautiful. This gets so exhausting not knowing how my day is gonna go ever. I want a break from this and the old me back but maybe I have to accept this the "new" me....I just want my boyfriend.

Abcdefgg

Date posted: 1y

I struggle with things like this as well! I just celebrated my 4 year anniversary and ocd and fear of the future has given me immense doubt and literally alters my memories even though my heart knows this is my person. I hope this story can help you know you’re not alone! Sometimes when things are so good and we love them so much our OCD strikes down and shatters them! Additionally I’d like to tell you that I consider myself straight and recently I’ve been getting bodily sensation intrusive thoughts around my female friends because I’m also scared of being attracted to my best friends. They’re also some of the best things in my life and my brain just takes that and runs. It helps me to know I’m not alone so I know it can help you too! Sending love

jag92

Date posted: 1y

@Abcdefgg I feel like this a lot! It’s gotten worse when my 6 year relationship with my baby’s father ended 😞

A23

Date posted: 1y

This sounds like OCD doubting your love, OCD can make you doubt anything. Practice ways to disengage with OCD and seek help as needed

A23

Date posted: 1y

Especially because you said "two days ago" you found him beautiful. To me, as a non-professional, it sounds like OCD doubting it. I've seen posts on here about people being happy in general and then OCD kicks in. Lots of different scenarios, I hope your OCD gets the treatment it needs to be quieter. I'm sure NOCD can help with that (relationship OCD is a theme some people have)

zeebee1

Date posted: 1y

@A23 - I hate this dumb disease - all through college and high school I was obsessed with men and had countless crushes/relationships with men. Now in my twenties I'm plagued with all these doubts when all I want is to me happy with my boyfriend. When the thoughts are quiet I'm so content with our relationship and everything feels so right. I even got the thought today "maybe your just a lesbian who is sexually attracted and In love with one man" like wtf...OCD regardless of the subtype is the absolute worst! Sorry just needed to rant for a second.

A23

Date posted: 1y

@zeebee1 They might be popping up when youre stressed? Idk, maybe can try with a therapist to see what works and what doesn't

FrenchFrog

Date posted: 1y

Sounds like Hocd

XxBrookeelynn

Date posted: 1y

Would he be open to you trying things out with a woman? Sometimes just trying it will give you the answer you need.

zeebee1

Date posted: 1y

I would not - It would break my heart to be with someone who is not my boyfriend right now. I know this is coming from a very supportive place and some people may choose to experiment later but I don't think it's the best route of action for SO-OCD sufferers because it can be seen as a compulsion to obtain certainty. Just like i'm doing right now reassurance seeking lol

ChargedCFK289

Date posted: 1y

Not the best advice.

Mr.ocd

Date posted: 1y

@FranticChazz249 I agree definitely not the best advice,maybe shes not familiarized with soocd.

XxBrookeelynn

Date posted: 1y

@FranticChazz249 I know feeding into certain compulsions can be super unhealthy, but I also think that if she feels the need to be honest or experience that then she should. I will say if this came out of nowhere that just trying to ride it out and accept whatever without drastic changes could also be beneficial. Sometimes when I have major compulsions (for example) I’ll just say okay whatever I’m a lesbian, so what. And eventually it passes, other things not so much. I think if you are bisexual or a lesbian it’s okay to explore that IF that’s what you and your partner are comfortable with. It’s just a suggestion.

zeebee1

Date posted: 1y

@XxBrookeelynn - I swear so-ocd feels like the least understood subtype at times - I know your trying to be supportive but I have already mentioned i do not wish to. Thank you for the support though!

Anonymous123

Date posted: 24w

Thoughts make sense

I've always found women pretty and admired them since I was younger, never wanted to be with them or anything. I always pictured having a boyfriend and my crushes were always boys. I have a boyfriend now but because this has happened I feel nothing towards him or any men. To be honest I'm so exhausted I don't feel much at all, there was so much anxiety at the start and now there is none. Does that mean I have accepted the thoughts. My mind keeps going you were suppressed all these years but I do find women pretty so that's what's making it worse. Am I just in denial and being delusional? I never doubted my sexuality before this I always considered myself to be straight but I feels like my mind has been twisted and can't remember any attraction to guys but can remember thinking girls are pretty? Does this mean it's all real? I don't know anymore

Anonymous123

Date posted: 24w

I'm so convinced it's just denial

I feel sick to my stomach, a few days ago I knew I was straight and could picture my life with my bf again. The anxiety has really lessend and Im more depressed now. I'm 100% convinced I am lesbian even tho I have never had sexual attraction to women, found them pretty but never wanted to be with them. My mind is only picturing me being with women now and it feels like a pit in my stomach. I don't feel emotion now, I'm also on my period. I don't want to be lesbian. I want to be with my boyfriend and have the life I pictured with him. My memory is so dissorted right now. I don't think there's anything wrong with being lesbian, it's just not for me and now that makes me feel like I'm homophobic.

Anonymousesti

Date posted: 20w

Soocd while in a relationship

Is anyone here going throughbSOOCD while being in a relationship? If yes, do you feel like “something is missing” even tho everything is great? My OCD keeps on telling me “you’re settling” or “yeah you’re happy with what you have but its nothing compared to what you would be feeling if you were with a girl, but you’re with your bf for society!” Im soo tired!! When I look at him I find him so attractive and handsome but i dont know if im attracted to him or if he’s just attractive!! And while growing up I was never “pulled by guys” but I thought that everyone was this way! I also used to look at girls because I found them Beautiful but I thought that everyone used to look at them this way! I think what truly bothering me is “comphet” and the “lesbian masterdoc”. Like I feel like I can relate to some points! Yes I used to choosw my crushes growing up but it felt like everyone used to do the same thing! As for my current bf, we started out as friend and then it turned into something else but now im scared I just agreed to being his gf because “that’s what I had to do” and im scared that he’s my “beard”. I particularly got triggered yesterday because my friends were talking about their celebrities crush and I couldnt think about anyone without forcing it! Instead I could easily think about kristen stewart or someone with the same vibe. All of this + my feelings must mean something no??? I just want to feel “in love” my bf is perfect!

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