Feel bad about something that I did compulsively

I know, I should. I might just go to my health clinic. That's if they have it

I'm really trying to control it but it can be so hard. It feels like it's the only form of relief. You mean you had your post taken down on here? I've had one flagged before. This was on an app called I Am Sober.

@BigGyro09 OHH I thought you meant on here. I apologize!! Yes I've had posts flagged and taken down on here, usually for diagnosis seeking accidentally. I havent used I Am Sober but I'd assume similar rules would apply. Most they'd do is take the post down? It's not like you're doing anything illegal so they can't do much outside of that right? Your compulsions aren't something you should feel guilty for. You should resist them, yes, but you can't beat yourself up for giving into them. You know ? Especially when your OCD is so severe.

@Northern_Downpour All I did was talk about my fears of this and how badly my addictions have messed me up. I doubt trying to see if you have an STD by asking someone on forums is illegal, but there was a rule saying they didn't allow it so I just deleted it. I really do appreciate my group and it's nice to see the people in it succeed. I don't want to bother them about these things, or at least it feels like I'm bothering them. I'll try not to be hard on myself for the compulsions but even that's hard. I keep being hyper focused on sensations and googling. I just can't wait to see my therapist and a doctor so this can stop. On a side note, I hope you've been doing well. I got you've been taking it easy.

@BigGyro09 I get it. OCD really is hard to deal with alone. You're doing the best you can, even if it doesn't feel like it. But that's what your group is here for! To support you! But thank you for saying that ♡ I've been okay, mostly dealing with the fear of those around me k*lling themselves which is hard to deal with. my knocking on wood compulsion has come back stronger because of it. But otherwise I've been dealing okay! I think part of it is I've been focusing on my job more.

@Northern_Downpour I hope they understand that.. I really didn't want to annoy them on purpose, I just don't know who to talk about this with since it has nothing to do diy with OCD and they are the closest that it gets to addiction talk. I just have to keep trying to ignore the urges to give into the compulsions. I'm really sorry that fear is coming up for you. I'm glad you're able to stay busy with your job. :)

Just to clarify, which I foolishly didn't do, I'm a virgin and I've never had intimacy with a partner. I didn't go into specifics because I didn't want to gross anyone out. I'm glad you're obsessions died down. I'm so sorry you had to go through something similar. It really takes a toll on you.

@BigGyro09 @BigGyro09 Oh, then you’re dealing with something very similar to what I dealt with. Don’t get a test and stop googling!! I know it’s hard but I promise you’ll be so glad the longer you put off doing compulsions. You can do it!

@Anonymous78 Oh, I shouldn't get tested and I should just let time pass? Alright. I'm sorry you had to go through this as well. It's all because of my impulsive decisions that I made with this. I really hope this goes away along with my cold

@BigGyro09 You can’t get an STD unless you’ve had unprotected sex. Your OCD wants you to go get tested or compulsively google, etc. but in doing so, you’re assigning meaning to your obsessive thought, and teaching your brain there is a real threat. It’s super hard to do this, but I really encourage you to hold out and not test or google.

@Anonymous78 I see.. it's hard when I'm hyper aware of any symptoms that I might find out. I guess if I do have an infection it's all a UTI and not an STD but I don't think I have that either because I don't have symptoms. My mind is going crazy with what ifs

@BigGyro09 I understand how you feel. It totally defies logic, and you can even sometimes get psychosomatic sensations as well. UTIs are common and super easily treated. A lot of STDs are too. You might also ask yourself if these thoughts are coming from a fear that you’ve done something wrong, or that you “deserve” an STI because of decisions you made in the past. Practice self-compassion! If you need more resources and can’t afford therapy rn, I’d recommend NOCDs support groups (they’re free!) and also the YouTube channel, OCD and anxiety!

@Anonymous78 I'm getting therapy soon. I don't know when but I will get it someday. I do have a lot of regret about the past and what my addictive behaviors did to me, but I'm doing my best to try and stop them. I just hate how impulsive I was. I know this is a rhetorical question, but you can't get STDs from objects like sinks and walls, right? I know it can't happen, but there must be a chance that a UTI will happen. I've had UTIs in the past too. I try not to beat myself up over my compulsive addictions because I know that it started many years ago when I didn't understand what was going on fully and it's hard to break such a cycle. Thanks for all of your advice! It does help calm my thoughts down

@BigGyro09 Without trying to give you reassurance (it’s like fuel for OCD), having an addiction doesn’t make you a bad person. Stuff happens! If substances/other things weren’t addictive, then people wouldn’t get addicted to them!! It’s ok to have regrets. We all do. But you are not immoral for having an addiction. Also, again, even if I were to reassure you that it’s extremely rare and often not possible to get it from a surface, your OCD would probably find another way to convince you otherwise. This isn’t about you actually believing you have an STD—it’s your brain misfiring and your OCD doing what it does best!

@Anonymous78 Thank you. Really, your words really are helping me out. Maybe it's just, I need to hear them from another person? I know that's reassurance though. I just can't help it sometimes. Having these thoughts and worries can be isolating. I don't fault anyone for being addicted to anything. Addictions are some of the worst things people can go through, especially when they know they need to quit it. Thank you again. It really does help. I hope you're doing well yourself and I hope OCD isn't being a bully and just being quiet. :)

@Anonymous78 I don't think I have an STD but I'm still really worried about the cough I have. I think it either came from my air conditioning or my impulsive addiction. I don't know.

@BigGyro09 You’re ruminating again! Notice how now that you’re no longer worried about the STD, your OCD found something else to latch onto. A cough could have come from anything. I recommend reading about health-themed OCD. The NOCD site has some great articles.

@Anonymous78 It's just that these symptoms have been horrible. I've had this cough for such a long time and it's still here along with other symptoms of a cold. I guess that's what makes me cave

@BigGyro09 It could be a cold! I had a nasty one a few weeks ago and the cough lingered for like 3 weeks. Change in season, etc. have you been able to rest?

@Anonymous78 I've been resting for the majority of my time. How did you get better? This has been a green phelgm cold with other things.

@BigGyro09 It just went away after about 5 days but the cough stayed. If it’s green phlegm it could be a sinus infection. Nbd but maybe go to a doctor or clinic!

@Anonymous78 What's nbd stand for? It might be a sinus infection since my nose gets all clogged. It's beginning to affect my sleep as well.

@BigGyro09 No big deal! And yeah it could be a sinus infection and those are common. Go to the doctor, take what they prescribe, etc. but also response prevent for any thoughts that feel like they’re more OCD than rational

@Anonymous78 Dealing with the same thing right now . Did a lot of googling now dealing with anxiety about catching std from non sexual way which don't exist