seriously

I’m so done like idc atp. I feel like my OCD and anger issues combined make me the shittiest person ever. That and everybody in my life doesn’t care about me. And no I’m not saying that for attention or to be dramatic, trust me. Everyone in my life is fake as hell. I haven’t had friends for years. My mom is horrible. If I even told y’all half the shit she’s ever done you would feel disgusted. My sister is the closest person in my life and all she does is throw shade at me and treat me like shit. I can’t make ts up. And I just yelled at my niece because she kept complaining nonstop and I was trying to help her and she wouldn’t listen. I’m so fucking tired bruh like I’m fr done with life. Everybody’s like “hold on, it’s gets better”. When? Because I’ve been waiting and TRYING so hard for years. I’m DONE.

Rachel2727

Date posted: 1y ago

I totally understand the whole thing when people say it gets better. I’ve definitely feel like I’m getting worse. I’m sorry you’re going through this

whatever.

Date posted: 1y ago

@Rachel2727 You don’t have to say you’re sorry, it’s not ya fault 💖 but thanks nonetheless

pureolife

Date posted: 1y ago

If you’ve just been waiting, that may be the problem. Before anyone in your life will change, or different types of people will enter your life, first YOU have to change and be different. You mention hating yourself and having anger issues. How about some self esteem work and anger management? It’s super hard to do this work, and even harder when we don’t feel supported, but the only person who can change anything is us. What steps are you taking to work on you? And if they’re not working, what about them isn’t working? This might lead to some new ideas. Some reading on codependency may also be helpful. At a certain point, we need to make peace with the fact that people around us are going to show up as they are, and we can’t control that. We can accept what they have to offer, or walk away.

whatever.

Date posted: 1y ago

@pureolife Nah I agree with everything you stated. And I understand where you’re coming from when you highlight that this may be a problem of codependency. But what I’m trying to say is that nobody genuinely has ever really *loved* me. Like checking in. Hugging me. Looking in my eyes and *meaning* it. I feel alone, like everyone around me is cold and robotic. I do the work for myself, like affirmations. I watch self help videos a lot. Sometimes frequency meditations really zen me out. But it’s the frustration of people trying to trick me, manipulate me, throw shade for no reason. Every time I’m up they gotta bring me down. And I ask them why can’t they just be genuine towards me. I just get tired of not being loved. I’ve never had that in my life in any genuine way. Counting on only myself gets tiring. But thanks 🙏

whatever.

Date posted: 1y ago

@pureolife Like what is the point of life if the people around you have never once really loved you unless they needed something from you?

pureolife

Date posted: 1y ago

@ocdaintit It sounds like you may be holding onto some relationships that are either no longer working or never worked. Why are you holding on? Why are you waiting for people to change who have no interest in changing? I think some healthy distancing may be in order. And some exploration of new spaces and people. Good people are out there. Don’t sit around waiting for people who have continually let you down to become them. They may never.

whatever.

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m the only person in my life I could ever count on. And I’m so tired of it. My whole life. I don’t want to keep living. I’ve felt like this for so long, waiting. To see if something will change. A better job, a real supporter, someone who treats me like I’m human and I’m THERE. And I don’t have to cross the earth just to have a hug or to be told I matter. I hate myself and I can’t take ts no more fr.

whatever.

Date posted: 1y ago

It hurts so bad. I haven’t been out with a friend for years. I’ve been to the movies a total of 3 times since I was 15 which was 4 years ago. Haven’t been to a party since. Nothing. It’s truly so difficult being the ONLY person in my life who cares and listens, who pushes myself to keep going. While everybody else is bringing me down. I’m so fucking tired I can’t make this shit up. I feel like I’m getting crazier every day. I’ve been lashing out on everyone who tries to fuck with me and they hate me because of it, but it’s like, STOP FUCKING WITH ME. IM TIRED OF PEOPLE SHITTING ON ME FR. THERE IS NOBODY TRULY ON MY SIDE. NOBODY. IM TIRED.

Lexi girl

Date posted: 21w ago

I need help

I struggle with self harm and depression. I told my doctor a week ago that I have suicidal thoughts and she put me on an anxiety/depression med and she said it could make things better or worse. I have noticed I barely eat anything anymore and I started to self harm more. I go through my day struggling and I’ve lost my friends and I stay in my room 24/7. I don’t feel like doing anything anymore. People say “oh it’ll get better” or “you’ll overcome it” or “don’t worry it’ll be okay” but guess what it’s not true. I feel like no one gets me or no one will listen to me. No one understands the pain I go through every second of the day trying my hardest to put on a fake smile. I can’t do it anymore. I want it to stop.

🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

Pocd//Suicide//depression

So I and my mom got into this big fight yesterday and I said some things I didn't mean to say to her and she said some things and I know what I said was bad but what she said cut deep in me because Even though what I said to her wasn't good her words hurt because going through wat om going through rn is honestly the worst thing a human can go through my worries and fears now all of a sudden now become feeling of Suicide and self-harm and honestly she's right because at this point I'm at a dead end and there's no going back I didn't tell her what was actually going on with me because I know she will never look at me the same and growing up with parents that are Gen x back in the day mental illness is a fucking joke to them apparently and is not taken seriously not all of them are like this but I know a few now I've been thinking about offing myself I don't think I'm gonna make it I'm really struggling.

malolin_21

Date posted: 9w ago

Hey:) I just want to vent

I’m feeling kind of sad cause today was not a really good day in terms of my ocd. I was feeling kind of foggy/numb and that send me to spiraling. I’m 21 years old currently studying but my family has been having trouble with money for the last couple years(we’re just me and my mom) and I kinda want to get a job but everything is far from my home and I wouldn’t be able to return back at night, also it’s either way more expensive to move or the schedule wouldn’t let me take my classes. The point is that because of that every time my mom is stress tends to treat me bad, she speaks to me like I’m stupid or she just screams to nothing cursing all life and everything and that actually makes me feel soo bad and guilty for not doing anything, I know it’s hard for me to get a job that actually helps us without quitting school but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’m a burden. I want to help, I want to maybe hug her or something but I know she will be angrier and probably will reject it. So that’s it, I just feel like she punishes me for the stress she’s carrying and I get it but one day is happy and it feels like all love and the next is treating me like that, Idk it’s hard (also I feel like I shouldn’t be saying this cause it’s all my fault) 🫤

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