- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I have before about men and trans women. I have also questioned whether that means I'm gay and don't have HOCD. I'm in a good place with all that at the moment though
- Date posted
- 5y ago
A pornhub survey showed that lesbian porn is the most watched category by women.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yeah, I know. Even so, ocd always makes us feel like an exception. As if the obsession we experience is what we really are. That's awfully scary.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I relate Eddieu. I guess that's how ocd makes us think. It's never mentally enjoyable, and sex is sex, humans respond to it... sexually. Now I feel depressed most of the time. It's just sad, you know?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Lavander Yeah, it's pretty sad. But hey, life still goes on right? We're still alive and well, and if it feels forced to like something, it's because well, you don't and you shouldn't force yourself to do it; even though we can't do that because we're like living, repeating glitches for some reason.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Actually I'm not concerned for enjoying gay fantasies. I've enjoyed trans porn and I know I can enjoy fantasies with them even though I don't like to choose those fantasies voluntarily. But I'm more concerned for the way my hocd makes me "play this fantasies". It'not just images where I have sex with people outside of my sexual orientation. It's the "script" my hocd adds to the thoughts. For instance, I could think about myself doing oral to a penis, and in the thought I'm telling myself "Maybe I'm discovering my sexuality now. I want to explore it and enjoy being more than straight and see where else this takes me". In the thought I actually get aroused and feel like I'm enjoying the idea of "exploring my sexuality (like more than being straight)". And after it passess I suffer thinking "but my god, I have never in my life at 27 yeara old felt any interest in exploring, discovering or feeling any desire to act or to engage in any "exploration" (in real life) beyond my desire for girls". And it kills me. It really kills me because then I think "now I'm enjoying not only gay fantasies, but gay ideas or interests and I have to accept them because if not I'm denying my "slight gayness". But i have never felt any interest or attraction to any of this in real life. All this is hppening in my mind and I'm nit confusing stress with arousal. I am actually feeling aroused with the idea and like I'm enjoying the thoughts. I just want to die... Please dont take this as a trigger for you. If it doesn't happen to you guys, don't start asking "what if's for your OCD"... is not what I want
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I've also been experiencing hocd for many years so I relate
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I have hocd, and I think that growing up in a religious home + having watched same sex porn and having been aroused by it is what made me have hocd. I've always dreamt about marrying a guy, growing old with one, but now everything is crumbling. Hocd tells me I have just figured out that I'm in fact lesbian, but this isn't who I've always wanted to be. It doesn't feel right for me. I've watched lesbian porn, yes, but it never meant anything to me. At all. I'd watch it and go on with my day, never giving it a second thought, except feeling gross sometimes afterwards. But I've never had any feelings towards a woman. So it's all so confusing, so terrible. I feel like dying every single minute of the day. I have dreams about my future, and ocd is destroying everything. I can't even see someone that's bi or gay without thinking that I may be one too, and that I'm just in denial.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Last night I enjoyed a gay fantasy but actually enojying it felt forced, I don't know how to explain it. Firstly I imagined it and felt nothing really. Then my mind told me that I liked it, and then I told my mind that I didn't, but then it told me that there's nothing wrong with enjoying them and actually feeling aroused by them, that it doesn't make you gay or bi. It's like I conditioned myself to get an erection to them. Then one thing led to another and I felt horrible and with the worst guilt of my life afterwards. It made me cry and it worsened my doubts, I have seen trans porn before and have been aroused by it and I had wet dreams with trans women too. I have only seen gay porn in images and some videos, feeling really disgusted by it, the experience destroyed me though but I do feel better now for some reason ? Rainbows and gay men checking me out still make me feel tons of anxiety though.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I have hocd, and had enjoyed gay and trans fantasy. I have also found some quite disturbing. I have watched trans too. I have experimented with men before and it wasn't for me. Although I admit I did find receiving oral from a man a pleasurable feeling. I feel comfortable comfortable expanding the boundaries of my sexual identity to include these experiences within my heterosexuality. I realised that although I didn't feel attraction to men, I did enjoy some of it on a physical level.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you. Actually to me that's not a problem. I haven't received oral from a guy but oral stimulation will feel good physiologically. You shouldn't be concerned for that. I'm concerned for my mind :(
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yes I understand. For me, I feel like I'm making progress then something happens like today I had a thought that said you're actually gay and then I had a sinking feeling. Its like the harder I push forward the more push back I get
Related posts
- Date posted
- 8w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 4w ago
So I’ve talked to a couple of gay people and they all told me the same thing. They ALWAYS knew they liked guys and they have ever gotten aroused by a woman in their life. In fact they told me that they always found a woman’s body disgusting. Looking back in my life I’ve been attracted to girls for as long as I can remember even before puberty. All my fantasies were about girls and I can’t remember a time where I felt the same for a guy (because it never happened). At the end I can still get aroused by women and you can clearly see how much stupid this obsession about being gay is. Gay people can’t get instinctively aroused by a woman and like it. Groinal responses and sensations don’t mean anything because they simply do not bring joy or a feeling of desire. Instead they bring panic. I once got a groinal when “testing my reactions” and I was sitting there crying like my life is over. That’s not how genuine attraction works and no one has woken up one day feeling different and no one has been secretly gay and never noticed it and spent his whole life into women instead.
- Date posted
- 19d ago
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
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