I can't share some of my intrusive thoughts. I'm too ashamed. I think if I did to some people then the relationship would be over. I've shared some with my husband and he was supportive, but he's at the end of his rope now. I'm not functioning either and that's making him angry. I'm at the end of my rope as well. Any advice??
I don't share my intrusive thoughts with my wife, not the dark details. They're such a distortion and not true it isn't healthy because she doesn't understand OCD. That's why I knew I needed a trained OCD therapist.
How do you keep from not going crazy? I feel I'm going to end up in an institution again. I've already been there several times. I know this isn't me, but it's making me feel insane
@Speckles It's good that you're in therapy. Give it a few weeks, it's different for everyone. It'll take work and be difficult at times. There's the sos button in this app with some calming messages. There's always folks here to support and encourage you when down. We're all in this together. I was in a psych ward 5 years ago and almost had to return this summer. Please be aware of your needs and stay safe, please.
@Someone99 Thank you so much for those words. They really helped me. I'm in a dark place and it helps to know there are other people out there. ❤ I want to be strong. You sound like you have things together now. Happy for you!! Just glad that someone is listening... thank you!!❤
@Speckles I'm here. I'm always welcoming friends here. I'd love to be on speed dial or available on a messaging app to be available to anyone who just needs someone to listen, who understands because I go through it too. It's how God gifted me through this. Even though I come across pushy or creepy sometimes, I think. Lol.
@Someone99 I would really like that. Can you private message thru here somehow? I really need someone to talk to who understands this whole BS!!!
@Speckles Not here. I currently have telegram and GroupMe. There are others as well
Your thoughts don’t define you. I have had these kinds of problems, and what helped me the most is understanding that your thoughts are just that: thoughts. Separate yourself from them. That also helps them happen less often, and have less importance.
Thank you. I try so hard to do that. I have to keep telling myself. My self esteem is in the gutter
@Speckles I understand the struggle, it can be crippling (T_T)
@Feraro You know I just want to live the way I use to. I was a good person
@Speckles You are a good person. Your thoughts are not you. Don’t worry. Just continue day by day doing your best, and things will get better.
It’s no one else’s business but your own ! You don’t need to share it with everyone
Thanks...I know, but I feel evil. And like I'm hiding something
@Speckles Trust me I know how u feel
@Speckles It shame, fear, guilt...we're all there with you
@Someone99 Awww.... thanks. It feels good not to be so alone!!!
@Speckles You doing ok today?
@Someone99 I'm having a hard time getting out of bed. I need a shower! I have to force myself to do anything. Thanks for asking. How are you doing today?
Are you able to do ERP therapy?
Yes... thanks i'm doing that now. IDK if it's working. Just started
Are you in therapy with a trained OCD therapist, one who uses ERP therapy? There is hope, but you need a qualified coach. You can locate a good one by contacting OCD for a free consultation.
Yes...I am with NOCD and just started ERP. I don't see a difference yet. Thank you for responding. I just keep praying I get some relief
Speckles, you have probably had OCD for quite awhile. It will take time to recover and it's not linear, it's messy, but if you stick with the therapy you can recover. Please know something else, when you begin ERP therapy it may get worse before it gets better. It's because your standing up to the Bully, and it's going to do b whatever it can to keep you on the OCD treadmill. Over time, the more you use the ERP therapy, you'll begin to see the anxiety dissipate and you'll begin to see things more clearly with much less anxiety. As for your husband, NOCD has a number of very good videos on YouTube meant for loved ones, so they can understand what we go through and that there's a good ending with their support. Hope this helps.
@Speckles Good for you! It can be a bumpy start but ERP works!
Doing ok, thanks. How long have you been doing ERP? How often?
I did ERP twice. Well, one was homework. I'm having intrusive, sick thoughts. I need the SOS button
@Speckles Sorry I just got to my phone. Are you ok?
@Someone99 Yeah, I'm ok. Just got to get out of bed now and take a shower. It's so hard for me to get motivated on my hygiene these days
It's good you're beginning therapy. I'm hoping you're on your way to freedom
Thank you....me too!! Worried now my husband is going to leave me. He said his dealt with it long enough and he is thinking about moving on
@Speckles So sorry to hear that. It all but ruined my marriage as well. I was diagnosed in June but see now so many issues all my life because of it
Hi Everyone! I hope whoever is reading this is having a good day so far :) So for years now I’ve had very bad intrusive thoughts about things that I have done or embarrassing things that I’ve said or have happened and it’s mortifying and debilitating on a daily basis. Specifically these thoughts are mainly things that have occurred from 2018-2020 and some are more simple just as a stupid joke I made or being way too loud on calls while my family was trying to sleep and others being way more complex such as past relationships and how I’ve hurt some of the people I care the most about and when I have acted on intrusive thoughts and these thoughts will appear with no triggers at all I’ll just wake up and already have something I did just nagging me. I don’t want to live like this anymore and I’ve tried working through it with self compassion but sometimes the things I said or did back then it’s very hard to forgive myself for and I’ll reminisce on it for hours on hours, gaslight myself into believing that’s not how it happened and try to change the memory itself, or just suppress it entirely. I know those habits aren’t healthy and truly I want to get better but I don’t know how to overcome some of these thoughts. I have talked to my fiancé about this a few times and even today we talked about it and he fully supports me and is helping me work through it. I might also contact my sister too, I don’t talk to her overly too much but ever since I was little she’s thought I’ve had ocd and was one of the people who made me consider that I might have it (I’m still undiagnosed but I’ll try to when I have the money and time) and I know she could maybe provide some insight. Another thing that is troublesome about the situation is my other family members specifically my mom aren’t the most helpful and can trigger thoughts. To put it in perspective on how her thought process is and some background info she is an ER nurse and has been for 30 years due to this she believes she knows mainly everything there is about mental health and she gets extremely upset when I don’t take her advice or set boundaries. She’ll force me to talk to her about my problems and when I don’t want to she’ll pin me in a corner where I’m forced to and last summer I had a really bad episode and was really overstimulated and I just finished taking a shower and due to the water on me, my hair being wet (my hair is naturally curly and it takes forever to dry and it’s very draining taking care of even with a keratin treatment) and all the intrusive thoughts I was having and she forced me to talk to her and I did open up for the first time about my thoughts and brought up how sometimes I have thoughts of hurting my animals and it makes me physically sick. Her response to this was threatening to call the cops on me saying it was a behavioral thing and I was doing it for attention. I have never hurt any of my animals but later that day my cat came into my room and a few minutes later she comes up just gives me the death stare and after a few seconds just asks me “are you going to go kill snickers?” In the most condescending tone and she’s always like this daily where she’ll force advice onto me or get upset and yell and then reinforce thoughts I’m having. I just want to know first how to stop the thoughts from so frequently and how to heal in an environmental where it keeps reopening wounds despite trying to place boundaries? I’m sorry this is really long I usually do go really in detail about things and it’s just how I’ve always been. If anyone has any questions feel free to ask and I’ll answer them to the best of my ability. I really appreciate the time you took to read this and thank you for your help! 🥰
I had to do a new exposure with my therapist two weeks ago involving my boyfriend where I had to share some of my intrusive thoughts and I know that it hurt him to hear some of them I could see it in his eyes and now I’m terrified he’s going to leave me my ocd isn’t the worst it’s ever been but it’s now the worst it’s been in a while and I’m back to doing one of the compulsions I had completely stopped and now idk what to do. I feel like I’m in this never ending cycle of doing really bad then doing really good. I just want my ocd gone I want to be normal again and not obsess ever my relation anymore. Sorry for the rant I’m just exhausted from my ocd and feel super depressed and I think it’s from my ocd. I just feel like I’m spiraling
My OCD is awful when it comes to intrusive thoughts, and I also have BPD. I’ve never acted on the intrusions in harmful ways before—I’ve always found ways to manage them that are healthy and safe. But I got quite drunk during a psychiatric episode (I wasn’t fully aware I was in one at the time), and I acted on an intrusive thought in a way that wasn’t healthy or very safe. That’s the best way I can put it. I’m so ashamed and overwhelmed with guilt. I didn’t physically harm anyone or anything, but what I did was enough that it’s been eating me alive and has severely heightened my mental state. I’ve tried using my usual coping skills, I reached out to 988 and other crisis lines, I even texted AI chats. But I’m too scared to tell my regular therapist or psychiatrist. I’m currently on a leave of absence from work because I was already in a crisis state, and now I just don’t know what to do. I tried looking for articles or videos from people who’ve acted on intrusive thoughts, but everything says things like “people with OCD never act on them” or “intrusive thoughts are harmless,” and while those can be reassuring in general, I did act on one. Not being able to find any resources or support for this makes me feel even worse. That’s a big reason why I downloaded this app.
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