Lightbulb Moment

I’m capable of doing hard things

A big one for me has been recognizing problem-solving as a compulsion in my relationship OCD (and in life in general). When I notice myself trying to urgently solve a problem that’s one of my biggest cues that it’s related to my OCD

Picking a single “lightbulb” moment is something that is challenging, but I’ll take a stab at this. I try to take notes during my sessions, and as I review my notes from early on, I find that I was convinced I didn’t have any “compulsions” and only had “obsessions”. My therapist coached and educated me that compulsions could be thinking, also known as “rumination’s”. The lightbulb went off and this is/was key for my beginning to break the OCD cycle.

I noticed that making progress in my OCD recovery doesn't necessarily feel like relief. What I mean by this is that I'm no longer experiencing the same amounts of relief/satisfaction like when I would perform compulsions. Sitting with discomfort over the past few months has been difficult, but the progress has been building behind the scenes. I have had so many moments recently where I'm just living my life and realizing that I'm not ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. They're still there and although they bring me discomfort, they really don't derail my day the way they used to. I have noticed a huge improvement in my quality of life overall because of this vs. those brief moments of comfort that just kept me stuck in the OCD cycle. I would rather be uncomfortable sometimes living my life than chasing certainty.

When we do exposures during the therapy sessions and my anxiety starts at a 7-8 level at the beginning but as we sit through it overtime it almost always comes down to a 5-6 by the end.

When I realized thoughts aren’t threats. They’re just thoughts.

that my “problem solving” was “rumination” that really flicked a switch on for me!

I really can sit with the anxiety and I can be ok

Receiving an emotion chart from my therapist!

I don't know if I can call it a lightbulb moment but before being diagnosed officially I just thought I had OCD and not anxiety really? I never put the two together. Now I see how the anxiety I have fuels my OCD.

for me, when my therapist questioned literally everything abt my OCD theme and practically gave the OCS an identity crisis with all the questioning.

When I discovered that I am not my OCD. It is something separate from me - something that I am not. He is fearful, sly, and cowardly. Best thing I did was name it - to truly separate it from me. I picked a name that I disliked and found fitting. This has helped me not get down on myself too much.

Understanding what mental compulsions were and just how it made sense in a way?

Looking back at my notes from other sessions and realizing that no matter what, my OCD will always find something to find wrong and scare me about. It seems like a specific fear in the moment but it will just create a new fear once I work through the one because it just wants me to be afraid of something.