Didn’t Know It Was OCD

What is your OCD story? I’m curious to hear about what other people’s journeys with OCD have been like. When you were diagnosed/what kind of treatment you have tried/what kind of OCD or symptoms do you have/what has helped you most? For me personally I don’t have a lot of people that I feel comfortable sharing my journey with in real life so I like having the chance to let it out on another platform. I’d love to hear whatever you are willing to share. I’ll start by sharing my journey. I was first diagnosed with and treated for OCD when I was seven (12 years ago). It started when my parents noticing that I was constantly smelling and washing my hands. I also worried a lot about my family’s safety and had a lot of magical thinking: I couldn’t throw anything away, had special walking rituals, had to touch things certain ways, etc. When I got to high school my symptoms got worse. I was re-diagnosed with OCD, dermatillomania, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, panic disorder, and depression. My OCD had morphed into just right/perfection obsessions (took me hours to do a simple homework assignment and I spent hours per day reviewing my interactions to look for mistakes), contamination OCD (couldn’t go outside, in my car, downstairs in my home, etc.), magical thinking OCD (knocked on wood over 60 times per day), health OCD, fears of losing control and intrusive thoughts. My life was consumed by my disorders so I entered a partial hospitalization program for OCD for 12 weeks. Two years later I was still struggling to function. I felt like I had tried everything. intensive ERP, 13 different medications, 11 different mental health specialists so I decided to enter residential OCD treatment. I was there for 3 months. It helped a lot to have the intensive ERP and 24/7 staff support. I got also got a much better grasp on my issues. I still struggle but I know how to deal with my obsessions and compulsions. I doubt anyone made it this far but if you did thank you for your time. I’m definitely interested in reading other people’s stories no matter how short or long they are :). Have a great day.

How has everyone else's OCD progressed throughout their lives? Has everyone else always had severe OCD or did you live regular lives beforehand and encounter one point where it went from 0 to 100. Where are you now in your OCD Journey? I'm very curious as to everyone else's stories and have left mine below if you’d like to read it. From what I can remember, I went relatively undisturbed by OCD  the majority of my middle/late childhood, only having about 1-3 thoughts a year that weren't super bothersome but did create a level of distress uncomparable to regular intrusive thoughts. They were mainly about my health and about my parents safety & wellbeing. The earliest memory about my OCD that really stood out was back in 5th Grade, when I hit my head on a swing set and immediately began reciting every moment leading up to injury as well as every math equation I knew to make sure my memory was still intact. The greater part of my adolescence was essentially the same and resembled what I believed to be a normal life,  just with a couple of OCD thoughts sprinkled throughout it. I was able to function pretty well albeit depressed and somewhat anxious. It wasn't until I was close to my highschool graduation that I experienced the worst panic attack(at the time) at the idea that I would hurt my parents. It was so distressing because the thought felt so loud that I believed it was genuine which only caused more distress. I was so scared that I would act on the thought that I discarded all of my sharp objects and locked myself in my room. That was my first ever severe reaction I experienced due to OCD and was back in May of this year. I actually learned what OCD was the same night and realized that many of my newly found fears including mold growing in my walls  and my parents disliking me were also caused by the OCD. Unfortunately learning that it was probably OCD wasn't enough to quell my fear and I engaged in a bunch of compulsions in the months to come, worsening my OCD In the process. June was alright. July was worse(I only had like three topics for obsessions which sounds great now). Late July-Early August was my tipping point . Things went from worse to profoundly terrible in a short period. I found this app late August which was great because I had grown exhausted. September was pretty bad but not as bad as August. Now it's October and life is somewhat good now. I've become more knowledgeable of OCD (big thanks to this app and my therapist) but I'm very far from done. There's still this looming sense of anxiety that follows me everywhere. I have like 20 obsessions now, some being larger and scarier than others but those smaller ones are still apparent. But, the fear has decreased as well as the mental compulsions that came with it. My mind is quieter now. However the anxiety has stayed the same. My heart still drops whenever my worst obsession is triggered. Headaches, brain fog, sweating, rapid heart rate, sense of being paralyzed, racing mind are commonplace in my life but I've learned to sit with  the physical discomfort (not that it makes it any less terrifying). Anyways, I'm here now which is cool. I’d like to listen to others' experiences to get a better understanding of OCD and maybe feel a bit less alone. feel free to ask any questions.

Hey everyone. This is my first post here and it’s probably going to be a long one because I guess I feel comfortable enough to be open here. I need help. When I first got diagnosed with OCD, I figured it only impacted a small part of my life. I thought I was only affected with compulsions and obsessions that dealt with contamination, tangible perfectionism and the obvious intrusive thoughts and that’s it. Well, I’ve come to realize that most of my thinking has been impacted by OCD. At this point the only way to describe how it feels to me is a forest of thorny vines growing in place of my mind or maybe through and around my brain constantly growing every-time I give into this type of thinking (which is basically all the time because I wasn’t aware this was OCD). I’ve definitely felt it more recently, but I know it’s always been there from what I recall from past memories. I got diagnosed not so long ago with OCD and I was happy to because it explained this thing I knew was wrong with me but I didn’t know how much it will and has impacted me in the past. So, I think I’ve created a matrix in my mind or strengthened the OCD thought patterns because now I feel like my OCD impacts everything I do. And I guess I’m saying I need help here because maybe you guys will be able to see it, maybe validate me and point me where I can get help. I’ve been telling the people around me, I think my thinking is disordered and I need help but I don’t think they really understand the amount it’s affecting me or grasp what I meant when I say “I Need Help”. I did have a therapist before but because of a insurance change, she can’t work with me anymore and I’m not sure when I’ll get another (just to clarify). Back to the matter, the past couple of months I’ve been in my head just thinking and thinking. About everything. To the point where my head starts to hurt or until I feel sick of thinking about it but I can’t. I find that’s my obsessions and compulsions (other than the need for order [which can also be mental]) are very mentally based and I find myself ashamed of them so I hide them so maybe that’s why the people around me don’t feel my need for getting help as much as I do. Anyways, examples of this have been, -constantly thinking about what’s the purpose of all of life and the hidden messages in life -feeling like if I don’t do everything perfectly then what the point or being very mad at myself -being obsessed with how I present to the rest of the world sometimes even in close relationships -having calculated movements and actions (having to move my body a certain way or it doesn’t feel right) -obsessing over an absolute truth -questioning friendships and other relationships - obsessing over achievements or failures -obsessing over people -obsessing over decisions and outcomes because I want to make the perfect decisions I could go on and on but basically it’s just a lot of thinking and ruminating and obsessing to the point where people tell me I look like I’m some where else all the time. And I’ve started to feel like I find comfort in it now. I’m also diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I feel like it’s all just OCD. And same goes for my dissociation. I feel like they all root from my OCD. I’m so tired of feeling like this all the time and without my therapist I feel like I’m stuck here. I can’t make decisions, I’m never present, I can’t make or keep friendships/ relationships, everything impacts me deeply because I create a emotional obsession to it, I can’t just be without questioning everything and I’m constantly in my head. I’ve also started getting high all the time because I feel like it’s the only way to escape my brain but I’ve felt like it’s getting out of hand. I’m starting to lose in any type of hope of getting better. Does anyone have an advice for working on OCD by yourself or identifying when it’s OCD (especially mental obsessions and compulsions) so I can start to chip at this boulder that’s weighing down my life and energy?