shiv00
- Date posted
- 6y
mamabird17mamabird17
- Date posted
- 6y
I can relate to this as well! I think HOCD is one that has always come and gone for me but it hit worse than intrusive thoughts a year and a half ago after my husband proposed and I started worrying about if I was making the right decision blah blah blah ROCD and then HOCD got some major hooks in. I started worrying that “what if this doesn’t feel right? Is this how it’s supposed to feel? What if I only think it feels right but I am actually a lesbian” etc. I had recovered really well and then a lesbian started at my job, and I had read a story about a woman who left her husband and took her children to live with this other woman in New York. This new person starting at my job has sent me back into a spiral and I feel like I’m back at square one. I would trade literally any of my previous OCD themes or any other theme in a heartbeat.
mamabird17mamabird17
- Date posted
- 6y
I just can’t accept the uncertainty. If it’s possible, it seems probable, and if it’s probable, then it’s definitely going to happen. And I am fighting so hard to not be okay with that. I know it’s causing the cycle but I can’t stop
woeismewoeisme
- Date posted
- 6y
what does hocd mean?
myocdmyocd
- Date posted
- 6y
I do
shiv00shiv00
- Date posted
- 6y
Can you please tell me about your experience i need to talk about this to some one
shiv00shiv00
- Date posted
- 6y
I just can't take it
shiv00shiv00
- Date posted
- 6y
Anymore
shiv00shiv00
- Date posted
- 6y
Do you want to share your experiences or talk about it
shiv00shiv00
- Date posted
- 6y
I was suffering from dying ocd few years back and right now i just turned 20 and i am in a beautiful relationship with sweetest girl around 1 month back this question just popped up because i noticed something i dont cleary remember what. But since than i have been in conflict sometime it feels this is all real and i am in denial but my history doesn't let me believe it i did all sorts of things to get relief but it backfired i dont know what is real and what is fake now . I just dont want to leave my gf.
mamabird17mamabird17
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m so glad Lauren said she has dealt with this since being young because I remember being younger or in high school maybe and actually hearing about lesbians and stuff. I just always worried that there’s no way that it could’ve been OCD because if it was then it wouldn’t keep coming back, so clearly I must be in denial about something.
shiv00shiv00
- Date posted
- 6y
Actually it is a mental illness it can reoccur like hocd or some other ocd which our brain wants to obsess about
mamabird17mamabird17
- Date posted
- 6y
Well then I also tell myself “what if it never went away? What if they weren’t intrusive thoughts and just the real you that you’re in denial of”
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- Date posted
- 20w
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- Date posted
- 13w
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- Date posted
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hocd and scared it’s internalized homophobia
I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
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