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- 5y
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- 5y
I can relate to this as well! I think HOCD is one that has always come and gone for me but it hit worse than intrusive thoughts a year and a half ago after my husband proposed and I started worrying about if I was making the right decision blah blah blah ROCD and then HOCD got some major hooks in. I started worrying that “what if this doesn’t feel right? Is this how it’s supposed to feel? What if I only think it feels right but I am actually a lesbian” etc. I had recovered really well and then a lesbian started at my job, and I had read a story about a woman who left her husband and took her children to live with this other woman in New York. This new person starting at my job has sent me back into a spiral and I feel like I’m back at square one. I would trade literally any of my previous OCD themes or any other theme in a heartbeat.
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- 5y
I just can’t accept the uncertainty. If it’s possible, it seems probable, and if it’s probable, then it’s definitely going to happen. And I am fighting so hard to not be okay with that. I know it’s causing the cycle but I can’t stop
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- 5y
what does hocd mean?
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- 5y
I do
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- 5y
Can you please tell me about your experience i need to talk about this to some one
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- 5y
I just can't take it
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- 5y
Anymore
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- 5y
Do you want to share your experiences or talk about it
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- 5y
I was suffering from dying ocd few years back and right now i just turned 20 and i am in a beautiful relationship with sweetest girl around 1 month back this question just popped up because i noticed something i dont cleary remember what. But since than i have been in conflict sometime it feels this is all real and i am in denial but my history doesn't let me believe it i did all sorts of things to get relief but it backfired i dont know what is real and what is fake now . I just dont want to leave my gf.
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- 5y
I’m so glad Lauren said she has dealt with this since being young because I remember being younger or in high school maybe and actually hearing about lesbians and stuff. I just always worried that there’s no way that it could’ve been OCD because if it was then it wouldn’t keep coming back, so clearly I must be in denial about something.
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- 5y
Actually it is a mental illness it can reoccur like hocd or some other ocd which our brain wants to obsess about
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- 5y
Well then I also tell myself “what if it never went away? What if they weren’t intrusive thoughts and just the real you that you’re in denial of”
Related posts
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- 19w
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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- 13w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
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- 11w
I have HOCD and ROCD and it makes me wanna puke all day I live with my husband
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