My life is over

@Someone99 My head keeps telling me I’ve physically or sexually assaulted someone. I’ve asked them about it and said nothings come to mind but I tell myself they’ve trauma blocked it out

@Lost not found. I was going through my memories and started ruminating about one and came to the conclusion that I might’ve r worded or sexually assaulted my partner. We had a 3 hour conversation where I just kept asking them questions about it and they don’t think I’ve done anything close to that but I’m mentally preparing for if they suddenly realize something

@anxioushotgirl Very much OCD. Do you have tools to manage your thoughts? Sounds like it's someone you're in a relationship with and you've discussed it, and still question and seek answers, etc. Allow the uncertainty, don't over react like your OCD wants you to.

@anxioushotgirl Maybe it was a dream. Have you ever considered that?

@Someone99 Sitting with the uncertainty has been helpful for smaller things but situations with big consequences have been keeping me up at night. I just don’t know how to live with the possibility that I’ve done something illegal

@Lost not found. I think I’m 99% sure it was a real event. It was something that I thought was okay at the time but looking back at it now I feel super nauseous about. My partner doesn’t remember it as much but they shrugged it off because I guess it didn’t affect them to the point where it could just fade from their memory. So I’m questioning if the OCD is making what actually happened worse in my head but either way I’m preparing for my life to be over

@anxioushotgirl Why would your life be over? Its not the end of the world. Even if it may seem like it. As you get older you realize that life just goes on, so stay strong.

@Lost not found. If they realize that it really was as horrible as I’m making it out to be, they might press charges which would affect my future. It just sucks that this one little action that I gave no thought to in the past can take over my head for months

@anxioushotgirl If they truly love you, I dont think they would press charges. Can I ask you what you did? You dont have to be specific. Im assuming it was something like, maybe you cuddled them a little too much while they were sleeping? I dont think its that bad.

@FinneganFox90 Thank you for the reminder that this might be a post looking for reassurance rather than somewhere to vent. I just feel like turning myself in now rather than waiting for them to realize that it might be assault is the better option. I would never want to hurt anyone and if I truly have done something horrible I shouldn’t be able to walk around free

@anxioushotgirl According to what you just said, it sounds like they're okay with it. They told you not to worry. If they were being genuine then thats all the reassurance you need. It sounds like they care about you and your health so you probably are overthinking it. It's that thing where you did something to someone and they're okay with it but you arent. Which is the ocd. Just reassure yourself that it wont happen again and you're set. We all make mistakes. It sounds like they forgave you so its your cue to move on.

@Someone99 I guess it’s up to our individual perceptions. I know that they don’t care about it right now but I’m just scared that one day they’ll realize that my actions were horrible and they should’ve realized that sooner

@Someone99 I know asking for reassurance just makes the cycle worse but thank you for your input. All of my friends aside from my partner seem to think OCD is just some form of being a perfectionist so I can’t really talk to them about it

@anxioushotgirl I fully understand what you're going through. Real event OCD is my biggest theme. I know how real this feels to you. I'm glad you posted about it and not isolating. I'd be glad to talk anytime. We're here for each other.

@anxioushotgirl The title of your post, my life is over, is what caught my eye. We feel like the most horrible person on earth because of OCD. That's a lie. Maybe write out a worst case scenario about what your thoughts are telling you and use it as an exposure to help learn to manage and resist the compulsion of ruminating. Tools like that have helped me. I was ruminating so badly I'd drive through stop lights, as well as lay awake all night. You'll be ok with a little work. :-)

@FinneganFox90 Is avoidance a symptom of OCD? This is definitely a real event years ago but I’m not sure if I’m remembering it as it was. After this obsession came up I felt like I might not be able to be around my partner or do any sexual activities anymore