PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

Venting cause i got hit by a setback

I came to work and everything was good, i was happy and suddenly a huge ocd attack got me, it feels like how i felt when i couldnt handle ocd and those thoughts like how i handled the situation is back even that i went through this before... idk why but now i cant move on, somehow my reaction is still so much focused on thw ocd and i start to get angry cause i cant focus on something else and i feel worse. Maybe im tired and thats why i got hit by ocd, idk but what i always hate that no mather how many times i watch a video or use that in my life, i still forget how to react and then im like this... im trying not to make it worse but its really strong and i get anxious cause i didnt felt this almost a year...

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I hate it when that sort of thing happens

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

I used to be able to deal ocd attacks, now its like how first time i reacted... no mather what i do its still gets worse and its like my mind has his own mind. I decide that i want to focus on the present yet im searching for the thought and its automatic, like i cant control is...

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 Yeah, it's like you're living life and a trigger comes along to bring feelings as if the time had been turned back to a harder point in your journey. I had a trigger bring up an old obsession of mine and it felt just like how I felt years ago, being really difficult to cope with. And I too have had automatic compulsions. When you see that you are doing an automatic compulsion, just remind yourself in the moment that that's what you're doing, and try to catch yourself and move on. You can't stop every compulsion, and that's okay. Sometimes catching yourself is all you can do, especially when it's automatic. And don't forget to have grace with yourself about this. :)

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Backdoor spikes are common. Don't get discouraged. Use the ERP tools and wait it out. Eventually, it will pass.

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

What that means? Its like a setback?

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Yes, recovery is not linear, it's messy. These episodes happen from time to time.

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

It's not a setback, it's an episode. Use the tools and it will pass.

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@Steven55! Im doing it and its hard rn... yeah i know i vent to much right now, its just so frustrating that all i learned just went out of my mind, i feel like i have to learn how to accept emotions and then i feel like i have problem sitting with thoughts too... even that i already learned these, but now i dont remember and my brain its like it works automatically, it focuses on what it wants... like im not controlling it

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 Nothing wrong with going back to your therapist for a few tune up sessions. Many of us do it.

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Steven55! The most important thing is refrain from getting back on the OCD treadmill.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 And you know, I too have problems with understanding "how should I do ERP?" I still can't quite seem to get a grasp on how ERP really works after almost 3 years of therapy. ERP is a simple yet complex concept.

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous - I think the main thing ERP does is to make us realize, through exposure, that there really ain't no bears in there, just a bunch of BS OCD thoughts that are no more of a threat than a thought about ordering a pizza. Just a thought. People who don't have OCD have weird thoughts like ours, but they just shrug them off. We agonize over them, which only makes it worse. Through exposure, we become habituated to the thoughts, etc., and we begin to realize they're not a threat. The three big things to do are: stay in uncertainty, stay in the present and stay off the OCD treadmill (rumination).

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Steven55! Yeah, those are the main things. But when you actually get down into it, it gets a bit more complicated. It's easier said than done. That's been my experience.

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous You're preaching to the choir, brother. It really is a messy process, but attainable. Takes time and we have to expect flare ups.

Flower1004

Date posted: 24w

It’s been getting worse..

Just sorta to vent and maybe get advice… I normally struggle with OCD and other MH/ medical issues.. I’ve sorta become acclimated to the stress, pain, mind games, and constant perfectionism. I thought I had it under control but this OCD has just been creeping back in small ways over time. I’ve caught myself doing behaviors and not feeling able to stop it. (This is combo of OCD but not sure how to categorize it all) - compulsively counting body movements til it’s the right number and feeling - adjusting papers/rewritten notes numerous times - irrational thoughts of my new pup being dead when I check on her - irrational thoughts that I don’t love my partner or he doesn’t love me after almost 10 years - every plate, cup, utensil has to be properly inspected before being able to use it - food can not have day of expiration (or even close to it) or a weird look or smell = it is inedible - recent close call accident led to dread driving and constant thoughts of a crash even though I did what I could and didn’t crash The list just keeps going.. but it has simply been a struggle that has lead me to feeling self conscious, unprofessional, childish, ashamed, and crazy. It’s a hard thing to accept that this has begun to return after finding ways to cope and manage in the past. I am struggling with finding ways to cope with it all cuz it is constantly disturbing my relationship, work, and personal well being Well that’s my truth for the day

uncertain_Aly

Date posted: 21w

Does OCD impact your ability to get to work?

Often times I find myself spiraling out in the morning about all sorts of things. When I try and catch myself and figure out what I am obsessing over it’s like it goes away. I haven’t moved. I have been sitting frozen on the floor because I can’t go to work because I am behind on work and I hate being late and I hate being messy but I am frequently late and my room is cluttered and full of stuff. I want to be good and move and go to work but I don’t know what is coming today and I hate my job so I know I will get bored and when I have nothing to keep me busy and engaged I like start thinking and taking an inventory of what is going on and then I will feel a sensation and what is the sensation? How did it happen? And I know that I will pick up the bad emotions in the office and get contaminated, I was really worried about things like this as a kid too I cried because I had to touch dirt in kindergarten. I know I am this way and I have been this way for a while but at the same time I think I might just be normal and like I don’t know why I get stuck in thinking like this. Then I begin to doubt that OCD is real because everyone has a brain with wiring and everyone gets stuck in thought sometimes. I feel disabled from whatever this is because I am stuck. I literally cannot move because I don’t know what’s wrong and I know I have to go to work even though I feel like every moment I spend there is making everything worse because other people are so stressed and I get it from them. And I don’t feel ready because I just feel off and something is wrong and I just don’t know what to do because if it’s OCD or not OCD everything anyone knows about me is coming from me and I worry that I am often masking all the thinking I’m doing because thinking all the time is rude and inconsiderate and inconvenient for those around me, but I can’t stop. I just don’t feel right, right now - and I want to know WHY?? Why is everything off all the time? How do I even know that I am not making up the experience of OCD in my head to cover up something really wrong with me and now I am taking on the symptoms of OCD like an actress, because this could be something that I can latch onto as a final hope for explaining why I am stuck. So stuck so deeply and terribly stuck sitting on my floor next to my bed just scrolling to avoid thinking because any time I start thinking I am left with no answers or help or anything just this swirly feeling. I know I am trying, maybe not my best, but as much as I possibly can. I want to be a Special Education Teacher but I have so much so so so much doubt and uncertainty about every decision I make and everything I know that I can’t get there right now. I can’t do anything right now until it feels ok and then I will. It never feels ok. I know I have to be ok not feeling ok about it. I can be unsure and still be ok. I know it’s just my thinking and my body but I just can’t get past this feeling. And then I know that because I can calm myself and be ok even though I spent 2 hours of my life today already feeling stuck and spinning around and around and around in my head - I don’t feel sure about my OCD and I think it’s a bit of a scam made up by people to cultivate pathology around deep human thought because one day I might figure it out and we all think a lot.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

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Venting cause i got hit by a setback

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