Teary Eyed

First things first and that is thanking God, my family, my support system, my NOCD therapist, Paulina, the NOCD community, and Mr. Stephen Smith. Honestly, 2-3 years ago I was a "mess". I was scared, in the dark, confused, felt alone, and didn't know what was going on with me. I lost track of time whenever I hit rock bottom but I know the start of the break up with my ex fiancé was what kickstarted me hitting rock bottom 3-ish years ago. I felt horrible because I could see the hurt in my loved ones eyes that wanted to help me but didn't know how. I'm honestly so grateful that God blessed me with my mom and dad and surrounded me with loving people. Without God and my support system, I don't know if I would be where I am today. My mom invited me to this recovery program that is centered around Christ. It's a bit focused on drugs and alcohol but you can still apply some of the faith lessons to your life. That program was where I accepted Christ into my life and where my journey with God began. I truly believe God has always been working in my life giving me the courage and strength to continue living. To help me rest on the days OCD is too much for me. Of course I have to thank Paulina for being the true definition of what a therapist should be. As you all know, OCD is scary. People often misdiagnose us, or don't understand how hard it can be. From the first session with Paulina two years ago, I felt a sign of relief. I feel understood. She has challenged me to do things I would've never had the power to do on my own. I truly wish all therapist had the passion and drive she has to help those with OCD. Then, Mr. Stephen Smith who happens to be the CEO of NOCD. I have no doubt in my mind God worked in his heart to get me back into NOCD. A little over a year and a half ago I tuned 26 and fell off my parents insurance. Which meant I could no longer see Paulina. I was very upset because at that point n time I was 6 months in and felt I as finally improving. I spent a year trying to find insurance that were affordable, or accepted. All failed. It was around this past April I had given up. But NOCD made a post with howie Mandell and I shared how lcd changed my life and next thing you know I'm back with Paulina. I truly cannot thank NOCD and everyone who makes NOCD possible for saving mine and countless other lives. Receiving this badge brought tears to my eyes. It's almost unbelievable. Seeing this, I was like wait....I've done all of this? I really came this far? I'm not one to boast and I always feel like there's so much more for me to do and overcome that I often look past what I've gone through to get where I am today. Honestly, receiving this badge gives me a little anxiety because idk...I don't truly feel I've conquered OCD. But I also am hard on myself. I have to remind myself that the goal of OCD recovery isn't to see how many days we go without triggers, or intrusive thoughts. I know that recovery is based on us taking the power from the OCD by living our life. Being an OCD Conqueror doesn't mean I'm OCD free. In fact, just remember today I faced harm OCD at the gym. I have to remind myself what recovery of OCD truly means. That recovering from OCD is taking our life back. I know there's still going to be triggers that lie ahead of me and hard times to overcome. But I know I have my tools, NOCD, and my support system to see me through. Guys, I promise you it gets better. I know it's not easy. In fact, September I was under constant attack by POCD but I am still here. Continuing on with my day. I still struggle, so I don't want it seeming like you have to be perfect or "symptom free" to conquer OCD. Step by step is all we can do. Continuing therapy and ERP. Resisting to urge to give into the compulsions. Because that's what breaks the repetitive cycle and drains the power from the OCD. I pray we all continue to gain our power and confidence back that the OCD took from us. Thank you all for making this environment feel safe and easy to share. I know that I am never alone as I have God and a community of individuals who can understand each others pain. 💚