not sure what this is

@Grm2 Maybe like a year

@Jrizkala05 So it came with you ocd?

@Grm2 Well I’ve had ocd since way before this

@Grm2 It’s okk lol

@Jrizkala05 Yeah i've suffered from ocd for some time but it hit my harder on pandemia and since then I've felt what you've described here, sometimes it feels like I want to be others including crushes but I've also thought that maybe it's iat admiration or I don't know but it didn't happen before

@Grm2 Yeah, it’s so heartbreaking because I want to be happy as who I’ve always known myself to be. I think also OCD can also make you feel very lost and confused in your identity to the point where you can’t distinguish your likes and dislikes. I also feel like it may be perfectionism because I literally see my crush as perfect and anything other than him isn’t including myself.

@Grm2 I’ve also been dealing with a lot of TOCD themes mixed with thoughts and feelings of no longer wanting to be a girl. I don’t want to feel that way but I just do. It’s so scary cause it doesn’t at all align with who I used to be; I used to be super girly but now, the stuff that used to make me happy just doesn’t. Every time I do something girly, I feel cringy afterwards and feel that the only way to be seen as a person with depth is to be a guy. I don’t want to feel like this or think like this but I can’t stop.

@Jrizkala05 How long you've been dealing with tocd??

@Grm2 Exactly one year

@Jrizkala05 I relate to all what you've said but I've come to terms that it isn't real I've been always comfortable being a man and I really enjoyed it but since hocd it then transformed into rocd and at the end tocd, it's the first time I read someone sharing what they feel while being in this kind of ocd because everyone says " I have tocd" but no one ever says what it feels like, I had to assume I was in it because previously I never felt this way but you're not alone don't give up. What I have analyzed is that sometimes tocd comes from trying to fit into what a man has to be or a woman according to what's expected from us and that makes us spiral into it,, for example in my case I can only be a man if I have lots of women, if I'm strong and big, I can't be sensible and so on because if I'm different from that stereotype I can't be a man at all so what I've been doing lately is redefining my masculinity to detach from that sick stereotype of what a man is and I've been feeling better, we have to reconnect to our true true self.

@Jrizkala05 And btw thanks a lot for sharing how you're experiencing tocd it takes a lot of courage to do it and now I don't feel so weird because I thought I was the only one feeling like this

@Grm2 I’m so happy that we’re not alone in this. I totally get it, people say they have it but don’t explain what exactly they’re experiencing. Im happy I could help you and thank you for sharing your experience

@Grm2 I’m so happy to talk about it and have someone actually get me.

@Jrizkala05 Np feel free to contact me whenever you need it, wish you recovery and happiness 😁

@Grm2 Thank you 😊