How is it possible?

@BigGyro09 Yes I agree some days are worst than others but it never fully goes away

@Justmesadly I totally get how you feel about this. It really does suck. Do you have a therapist to help you? I hope so.

@BigGyro09 I don’t. I did NOCD for a while but it came back and my therapist is no longer a therapist and I don’t want to tell anymore people how horrible of a person I am 😭

@Justmesadly How did NOCD go when you had it? Was it helpful? Did you feel like it was helping? No therapist that understands OCD out there will see you as horrible. They want you to get better. It's their job to do so. If it helps, I don't think your horrible.

@BigGyro09 It helped for a short period of time then it comes right back! You don’t see me as horrible bc you don’t know what I did. Most people would want me dead

@Justmesadly I'm glad that it helped! I hope you find another therapist soon! I can't wait to find one for myself! I don't think so. You seem to have lots of regret for whatever happened too. :(

@BigGyro09 I don’t plan to get another therapist just to discuss the same things over and over. Unfortunately erp doesn’t take away what I did or take away the pain or undo horrible horrible actions.

@Justmesadly Why not? I thought it helped you. I thought you could get therapy again to help you with this. It hasn't gone away and it shouldn't bother you anymore. You deserve the support to overcome OCD.

@BigGyro09 No I’m not going back… I did it for 9 months + and nothing got better. It’s not going to go away. I can’t undo the past so what I did will forever live in me and in the friend whose life I destroyed. No amount of therapy can take that away

@Justmesadly Please don't give up... It can be difficult but you said it helped when you did have NOCD. The only time it didn't and came back was when your therapist wasn't available. You can get that again with a new therapist who can make this better for you. Please don't keep this to yourself. You deserve this treatment.

@BigGyro09 No lol that’s not what I said! I have already done treatment for much much longer than they ask you to complete treatment

@Justmesadly Oh, sorry. But it did help you when you did get it, right? Do you remember what did help you?

@BigGyro09 No it didn’t. It helps for a short amount of time then comes back. The only thing that helped was reassurance then it comes right back

@Justmesadly I'm sorry... I still hope there's some way you can get help with this. :( I don't think you're a bad person. You just sound like someone who needs support..

@Nica I don’t want to risk going to jail or the program I am volunteering with

@Justmesadly Hi. Are you feeling better by any chance today?

@BigGyro09 Depends on the time

@Justmesadly I'm sorry. I don't think you'll be in jail for what you did.

@BigGyro09 It’s very possible and I’d lose my job