How to distinguish between genuine feelings and OCD-related thoughts?

Can I ask what you think to my reply and what are the things that are making you doubt whether your thoughts to your relationship are OCD or not?

@Joe87 For me, I’ve always had a habit of overthinking and overanalyzing. It wasn’t until my ROCD and HOCD that I felt like I didn’t love my partner enough and the way I should. I would constantly ask myself and google if we are right for each other. The reason I feel like it is ocd is because I have anxiety and distress when I’m alone, but when I’m with him I feel at home. So that’s what keeps me going. But like I said I fully understand why you feel the way you do, it looks like it’s a mix of really wanting to be with your partner but knowing that it wasn’t working out. You loved her, you were scared to lose her, and that’s okay. It could be both ocd and a fear of realizing what was actually happening. You’re not alone though

@Right.on Thanks for your reply. How long have you been with your partner if you dont mind me asking? It took me a long time to get over the break up because my OCD developed about 6 months into not feeling happy and she had to endure me with terrible OCD and try to understand it for about 8 months before she then finished the relationship anyway. It made me feel like if I had just ended the relationship once I realised that we weren't going to be able to make each other happy then I could of kept a grip on my mental health and kept the OCD from manifesting and I also could of saved us both the pain of having to live really miserably for another 8 months. I think that is OCD in a nutshell though. It wants to make us continue feeling like 'if only I didn't do that' or 'if only I did this' then I wouldn't be this way etc etc

@Joe87 We’ve been together for 3 years and I developed it like 3 months ago, after feeling like something was “wrong” for like a month, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong w the relationship so it spiraled. That constant doubt is terrible

@Right.on Are you both on the same page with what you want from the relationship?

@Right.on Can I ask does your OCD involve doing compusions to try and neutralise or feel better about your thoughts? I ask because that's exactly what my OCD looks like all day every day

@Joe87 We are yes, we carry the same values and wants for the future. My ocd does involve mental compulsions all day long, i have both ROCD and HOCD and I find myself checking my feels for my partner all the time and checking my feelings for people or the same sex. It’s a very repetitive and tiring cycle. I know now that they don’t help in the long run, they provide momentary relief but it’s hard to stop the compulsions. I even find myself believing I like my intrusive thoughts and sometimes it’s hard to figure out what I actually want. But in the end it’s just ocd and it won’t last forever

@Right.on That's good to hear. So your main job then is learning to become comfortable with the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings surrounding this and to not allow OCD to send you into long periods of rumination on why you think/feel like this. Easier said than done I know but it sounds to me like you know that it is ocd so I feel like once you can manage to stop questioning that you will be able to overcome this. So has it been 4 months now that you would say you have had ocd or had you experienced it before? Also is it okay to ask what a mental compulsion looks like to you if you're happy to share that is? I ask that question as I am only just learning that OCD isn't necessarily about doing physical complusions like mine is

@Joe87 It’s a lot more tough on the hocd aspect of this, like today feels a lot better than yesterday and the day before in terms of distress. But hopefully I can learn to be okay with the discomfort. I’ve never experienced this before, this is my first serious relationship. Like I mentioned, I had relationship anxiety to a small extent throughout the relationship but it was never alarming, so I don’t find it TOO surprising that I developed rocd too. For me, in regards to my relationship mental compulsions are: me checking how I feel when I’m around my partner, checking if Im aroused by him, being scared to find other people attractive, purposely trying to picture a future with him to see if it makes me happy despite it giving me anxiety. In terms of hocd: I check to see if I’m attracted to the same sex, try to imagine myself with the same sex and when I get a feeling of relief when it’s uncomfortable, it helps but then it goes away so I have to do it again, purposely fantasize about being with the same sex to see if I like it. So it’s extremely draining to say the least

@Joe87 In your particular situation, it’s understandable why you would feel uneasy about your relationship. Those are all valid reasons for feeling like the relationship is not working out. I don’t want to give you any false information or false hope but if I was in your shoes I feel like I’d probably be experiencing the same thing. Effort has to come from both sides not just one.

Can I ask what you thought exactly? And how long have you been split up now? All I can offer you now are the words that this heartbreak will pass. You may not think it right now but it really will it might just take a long while. Even though me and my ex weren't compatiable and we weren't making each other happy I was absolutley devastated when we finished. It didn't matter that we weren't compatiable all I could think about was all the good times we had and how good it could of been if it wasn't for x,y or z. The thought of her with another man made me feel physically sick. I felt like I was living in hell. It took about a year and a half to 2 years before I realised that I no longer cared. I can sit here now and think about her with another man and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Thats probably why I rarely think about it because when you have OCD it's the thoughts that bother us most that we think about the most. She also turned a bit nasty when we finished which made it worse but I can honestly say I have no hard feelings towards her at all. I wish her well. You will get there my man 1 day at a time

@Joe87 Yeah I loved her and my ocd would say I don’t love her. But whenever I was with her I felt comfort and so much love. I suffer from soocd and she helped me so much in this. The breakups we both didn’t want it but family wise we had to. I hope we can reunite. I don’t feel st peace at all anymore.

@Anonymo12 Not that I'm qualified but from my experience it does sound to me like you have rocd and that has been 1 of the causes of your break up whereas for me I think there were legitimate reasons for me to end the relationship I just found it really difficult to do because I did love her and I think I also have an anxious attachment style amongst other things. I have to practice self compassion and remind myself that I had a tricky upbringing. There are reasons why I have OCD, I never chose to have this but I am choosing to continue on with certain behaviours that keep me stuck like this and this is what I need to put my focus and effort into changing.

@Anonymo12 Try to remind yourself that a lot of what you're feeling is the same as what eveyone feels after a break up. I just think it's a bit worse when you have OCD because for some unknown reason our minds want to ruminate more than others. I wish there was a one size fits all treatment for OCD but I don't think there is. Just remind yourself that you're an imperfect human being like everyone else, a work in progress, you're hurting right now but it will get better. Keep practicing self love, self compassion and erp

@Joe87 I have soocd. I have had it for 2 months. It went away 2 years ago and came back now. I strted to leave it to uncertainty as that helps a lot. I jus want her back 😞

@Anonymo12 Ah okay. So you have intrusive thoughts about doing things sexually with someone from the same sex

@Joe87 And other stuff too it targets everhrhing not jus images of the same sex and stuff with it. It’s the worst ocd and now it’s been fuelled with this breakup also

@Anonymo12 Sounds terrible. Can I ask do you do physical complusions to try and neutralise or feel better about the thoughts?

@Joe87 I used to yes, but now I’ve been told not to give into compulsive behaviours and jus leave it to uncertainty as thag fights off the ocd

@Anonymo12 That's great that you have managed to stop doing physical compulsions. I have been doing the same physical complusions now preety much all day every day for 4 years and I'm really worried that because they have become so ingrained that I am never going to be able to stop them.

@Joe87 U will don’t worry. That happens to me too