@GottaMakeIt Yes. These thoughts only started happening to me recently as well. We have been together for 2 years.
I have had mild ocd since I was a kid but it was completely manageable. I am now 25 years old and only in the past few months have these scary and impulsive thoughts started surfacing.
Communication with her is key man. Tell her what’s going on with you. She may have a hard time understanding, help her understand. Show her this app for example, show her stuff on the internet. Or even maybe this thread you posted. That’s what I did with my girlfriend. Now every time the thought gets bad, I tell her immediately, and we sit down and work through it together. We talk about it. All up front, everything. I tell her exactly the thought I had about her or whoever else. (Killing/hitting her, strangling my cat, hurting my parents, etc.) All this vile stuff that in no way shape or form defines my personality. In fact, I am learning that these thoughts are a counter to my personality.
“I love her so much, what if I hit her in the face?”
“This cat is cute and so adorable, what if I choked it?”
Then you most likely tell yourself you would never do that. And then you have yet another counter thought of “but maybe??” Then that’s when the anxiety surfaces, and like you said the thoughts just keep looping. And with the anxiety comes the depression, because you feel you will be stuck in this loop for ever. Then, that’s when the suicidal thought surface. Because you begin to feel hopeless and that this will never end and you don’t want to hurt anyone so you feel to stop that is to end your life.
I have some theories about how these thoughts came to be all the sudden. I started to look at certain stressors in my life that may lead to nasty thoughts. Stress at work, school, stress with friends, moving, death of a family member, etc.
I have been going through a stressful times simply because of work/school. And it could enhance these thoughts. But I cannot tell you for certain why they are happening to me. At least not yet.
The road to recovery will not be easy. Don’t dwell on why they are happening all the sudden. Try to work on getting it better. This may be one of the hardest times in your life. I know it is for me. I’ve had to take a few weeks off of work even because it bothered me so bad. But let me tell you, there is indeed hope. Seek therapy. Give it a shot. It just may work for you if you are truthful with what you are experiencing. All the resources are out there if you seek them. It can be costly. I was fortunate enough to see a psychiatrist for 500 dollars for the first session. I’ve only had one session. The next ones are way cheaper at 150. The prices may differ for each therapist however. I don’t have insurance obviously. There are medications that help, plenty of them. Find the right one that works for you. This process is going to take time. If you do get prescribed meds, the thoughts may even be worse for the first few days, it was for me. But it got better, and I’m surviving, just like you are. We got this bro.
