- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Well it’s very normal for straight people to think a girl is good looking. It’s different when you desire to be with that girl. Like a crush.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Even really that “it’s possible” makes me want to vomit. Like I just got sooo hot and nauseous feeling.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I know what you mean. The attraction thing gets sooo muddled though just from all the analysis. Like it’s so exhausting.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I know that that’s the point. Like I know at one point in my life I probably thought “what if I was a lesbian” and was like whatever probably not and shrugged it off. But I don’t know how to get back to that. It’s like I have to have anxiety about these thoughts because if I don’t then it means I’m accepting them and they’re true.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I feel like someone who is actually a lesbian doesn’t go back and forth like we do. Also they have different fears connected to why they don’t want to come out. With ocd, there are much different reasons.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I’m right there with you! For me, I get so exhausted because I keep going back through my history and thinking about things I did and said and thought and then it really freaks me out. Like I remember thinking Stella from OITNB (aka Ruby Rose) was like good looking and I remember admitting that and now I can’t stop thinking about it. Like why did I even say that? A straight person wouldn’t have said that. So clearly this is proof I’m not straight. I just keep wishing I could go back in time and take it back.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
So I don’t think that’s proof. It’s possible it is but I don’t think so.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
The only reason I said that was because I was trying not to give you reassurance. What I’m trying to remember is if I don’t want to be something I don’t have to be it. I always have thoughts like “what if when I get older I’m like that?” “What if I’ve never actually liked guys?” Almost all ocd thoughts are what if ones. That also helps. If you feel sick thinking about being with a girl then you don’t want to be with one. I used to feel so sick a couple months ago but now I’m so used to the thoughts I don’t feel sick anymore and that scares me. I used to wake up in the morning and my stomach would hurt from all the anxiety I couldn’t eat because I felt terrible. I’m at the point where I want it to not be true and some days I know it’s not true but I just can’t get out. I’m stuck in a hell I don’t want to be in. It’s terrible.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
What’s crazy to me is I was on tik tok if you know what that is and I found this guy super attractive. I’ve always been super into mixed guys they just attract me more than other guys idk why? But shouldn’t that be proof? I like guys period. My mind just doesn’t get it
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yeah it really is. I know I’ve been getting better I just think having no more anxiety and not feeling as bad about the thoughts is confusing me
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I know I just need to stop worrying and I know that’s easier said then done obviously. What I’m going to do is remember that it’s always been like this! The same stuff over and over. It has to be ocd, if I was a lesbian I would not point blank period
- Date posted
- 5y ago
The way to win ocd is to make your brain not get triggered by these thoughts. Doing this is hard but imo you need to stop trying to tell yourself you are not a lesbian as that may be a compulsion. If possible tell yourself that you are a lesbian and try to think about all the consequences you fear over and over again without trying to get reasurance. I know it's hard but once you make your brain to stop fearing beeing a lesbian ocd gets wrecked.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w ago
Like I'm not even scared I feel numb and ever since that night I've completely went down hill Idk what to do the feeling i felt this time genuily felt like i liked it and i didnt even have anxiety at that moment and now I'm panicking I really hope this is still OCD like I'm sorry if I'm still asking for reassurance but im really worried like it felt good in that moment I don't understand what's going on like I hope it was a false feeling and not something real.....like this has happened before but Idk 😭😭😭😭 I really don't know what to I don't want to turn into a p word I don't this I've been sleeping all day I still do compulsions a little to get rid of the thoughts but I've been getting sexual thoughts too and I don't want them but I feel like I do I don't understand I though I was getting better but I guess every time I get better everything gets worse..
- Date posted
- 13w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
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- Date posted
- 11w ago
it feels like i want to be a boy. i really dont i keep having these what i hope to be false feelings and they suck. oddly enough they make me feel more like a girl again so its a weird win win situation. i want to be fine again i wanna be that girl again. it just feels like i’ll never be and i just have to be a boy i hate it all
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