It keeps coming back, I start to feel better than something triggers me again and I’m back to first base. They responses I feel when I see girls is confusing me. Did I not feel those with guys? I don’t want to date girls, god please stop my suffering want it to stop. I need to feel better I want to feel better. I know I can do it I just don’t know how to stop doing this to myself. I feel better than I trigger myself again. It’s so tiring :(

Well it’s very normal for straight people to think a girl is good looking. It’s different when you desire to be with that girl. Like a crush.

Even really that “it’s possible” makes me want to vomit. Like I just got sooo hot and nauseous feeling.

I know what you mean. The attraction thing gets sooo muddled though just from all the analysis. Like it’s so exhausting.

I know that that’s the point. Like I know at one point in my life I probably thought “what if I was a lesbian” and was like whatever probably not and shrugged it off. But I don’t know how to get back to that. It’s like I have to have anxiety about these thoughts because if I don’t then it means I’m accepting them and they’re true.

I feel like someone who is actually a lesbian doesn’t go back and forth like we do. Also they have different fears connected to why they don’t want to come out. With ocd, there are much different reasons.

I’m right there with you! For me, I get so exhausted because I keep going back through my history and thinking about things I did and said and thought and then it really freaks me out. Like I remember thinking Stella from OITNB (aka Ruby Rose) was like good looking and I remember admitting that and now I can’t stop thinking about it. Like why did I even say that? A straight person wouldn’t have said that. So clearly this is proof I’m not straight. I just keep wishing I could go back in time and take it back.

So I don’t think that’s proof. It’s possible it is but I don’t think so.

The only reason I said that was because I was trying not to give you reassurance. What I’m trying to remember is if I don’t want to be something I don’t have to be it. I always have thoughts like “what if when I get older I’m like that?” “What if I’ve never actually liked guys?” Almost all ocd thoughts are what if ones. That also helps. If you feel sick thinking about being with a girl then you don’t want to be with one. I used to feel so sick a couple months ago but now I’m so used to the thoughts I don’t feel sick anymore and that scares me. I used to wake up in the morning and my stomach would hurt from all the anxiety I couldn’t eat because I felt terrible. I’m at the point where I want it to not be true and some days I know it’s not true but I just can’t get out. I’m stuck in a hell I don’t want to be in. It’s terrible.

What’s crazy to me is I was on tik tok if you know what that is and I found this guy super attractive. I’ve always been super into mixed guys they just attract me more than other guys idk why? But shouldn’t that be proof? I like guys period. My mind just doesn’t get it

Yeah it really is. I know I’ve been getting better I just think having no more anxiety and not feeling as bad about the thoughts is confusing me

I know I just need to stop worrying and I know that’s easier said then done obviously. What I’m going to do is remember that it’s always been like this! The same stuff over and over. It has to be ocd, if I was a lesbian I would not point blank period

The way to win ocd is to make your brain not get triggered by these thoughts. Doing this is hard but imo you need to stop trying to tell yourself you are not a lesbian as that may be a compulsion. If possible tell yourself that you are a lesbian and try to think about all the consequences you fear over and over again without trying to get reasurance. I know it's hard but once you make your brain to stop fearing beeing a lesbian ocd gets wrecked.