Feeling I’m not good enough at my job

Hi everyone, It’s been a while since I last posted here…! I’ve had ups and downs (well, OCD and anxiety…) like everyone else, but that was okay so far. Those past two weeks I’ve been feeling super down due to my job. I’m an ECT 1 (it’s basically my first year of teaching as a teacher of French and German) so I still have a mentor in school. Two weeks ago or so I’ve been told by my head of department, director of trainee development and mentor that I wasn’t improving “as fast as expected” — meaning I’m very slow. Well they are aware that I’m struggling with behaviour management (my two school placements when I was a student teacher weren’t bad, especially the last one I’d been quite spoilt); so they assumed that lesson planning wasn’t that great (especially for German, my classes are really disruptive but I’ve been told that they had 4-5 teachers before me and they did ‘nothing’……). Now what I have to do is to plan my German lessons for my Year 11 (they are taking GCSEs this year) for the whole week, one week in advance. This gives me so much anxiety, as a trainee I wasn’t even able to send my lessons to the teachers/mentors 24h in advance, I don’t know how I’m going to do now. We are starting term 2 tomorrow and I can feel my OCD and anxiety worsen. I spent the break taking care of myself, going out, resting… I’ve only managed to mark all the assessments. I’ve got only 1 lesson out of 3 for my Year 11, I have my mentor meeting tomorrow when I am supposed to show my mentor the 3 lessons for the week, and I have nothing actually well-prepared. I spent half-term obsessing over this, so I always postponed the planning because it stressed me out. I have some free periods tomorrow so I can have a look at that, but still — I have two lessons tomorrow as well and I almost have nothing. I genuinely think that I’m bad at doing my job and start wondering whether this is the right profession for me (something I never doubt during my school placements last year). Besides, my relationship (friends/partner) OCD is also tormenting me at the moment. In sum, if there is any teachers with OCD here, I’d be really happy to get some advice regarding how you cope with pressure / overwhelming situations at work. If you reached the end of this message, thank you for reading.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 1y

Comment deleted by user

itsmatilda

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Thanks a lot for your comment xx

SarahEH

Date posted: 1y

Hey, Matilda, fellow teacher with OCD here. Your conclusion draws itself: you’ve experienced teaching without these struggles; therefore, it is this position that is exacerbating your OCD, not necessarily the profession entirely. I say that as someone who struggled similarly to what I’m hearing here, but once I left the position and found another more suitable for me, my OCD has been greatly relieved at work. Teaching is a profession that notoriously asks too much, and it sounds like this position would be hard for anyone. It isn’t you. It’s a combination of OCD and the situation surrounding you being a stressful one for anyone. I hope this helps, and I suggest you seek simplicity— like Anonymous suggests— perhaps in streamlining lessons. What I would do is come up with a formula for each and every day: warm up, lesson/activity, closer. This creates consistency for you and the kids, who benefit from knowing what’s coming and ache for routine (though they won’t verbalize it). Grade as little as required (not everything needs to be on record) and for as little time as possible (not everything needs to be assessed; create a generic rubric and reuse it). I hope this helps, but don’t hesitate to reach out for more help. That includes from your mentors, who are supposed to help you, not hurt you with needless nit-pickiness. On that note, I personally disclose my OCD at work, letting my supervisors and subordinates know my needs and strengths that come from it, but didn’t in my previous position. Again, my former wasn’t good for me (but I stayed, leading to panic attacks and nightmares), and my current is amazing (panic attacks and nightmares are gone). If all else fails, I suggest you change positions/locations. With warm regards, Sarah (an English teacher)

itsmatilda

Date posted: 1y

@SarahEH Hi Sarah, thanks for commenting! Your advice is really helpful. I did disclose my OCD at work and even sent an email to my languages colleagues when it was Awareness Week - they asked me which support they could provide me, I didn’t know what to answer 🤡 Yes my school has the same ‘pattern’ for lessons, that helps, I even made a template with my mentor — but I find it hard to have the kids engaged in German - few things work, and they are very weak. I honestly don’t know what they did last year and the years before. I’m really thinking of finishing my two early career years in this school and then probably going elsewhere.

SarahEH

Date posted: 1y

@itsmatilda Hey, you have a plan in place. That’s the hard part! Now for the follow through… I know you have it in you!

Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Thank you for sharing your struggles, we're all here to support each other. And I'm thankful for the previous responses. I hope and pray you find peace, always know your value is not in "what" we do or "how" we do it. You're valuable as you are. :-)

itsmatilda

Date posted: 1y

@Someone99 Thank you so much for your comment 🥰

Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@itsmatilda You're welcome. Don't be a stranger. I'd like to hear how things work out for you. 🙂

itsmatilda

Date posted: 1y

*doubted

Cara H.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w

Work related OCD

Does anyone have OCD regarding always feeling like you are not good enough at your job? I'm 58 years old now I've had OCD since childhood. Every job I've been at I never felt as good as my colleagues. I am a nurse but I worked at that for 15 years I had a breakdown of sorts in 2017 and went on disability. I now work part time as a a swim instructor for kids. I always was afraid of killing someone when I was a nurse. Then I tried dog grooming but I was afraid I would do it wrong and hurt the dogs. At least now the stakes are lower. But my OCD is the same. I work with colleagues who are about 40 years younger than I am . I am afraid of teaching certain classes bc I feel like I wouldn't do as good a job as someone else. I know I can do it but it's like I have a fear of not giving them their money's worth. I've been at my current job for 2 years . I've gotten very positive comments from my managers but I can't seem to believe them. I feel a lot of shame bc I lost a lot of my life to OCD and I am at an age where people are starting to retire after long and successful careers and here I am working at an entry level job. I'm planning on trying to get out of my comfort zone and teaching some of the classes I'm afraid of .it's really hard. I'm always scared what if I lose my benefits and had to work again as a nurse how would I do it.

Squid3223

Date posted: 15w

Does anyone else have job ocd

I’ve been my job for almost 2 years now and I can not shake the constant worry that I am going to do something to mess it up. I’m constantly checking things over and over to make sure they’re correct to the point where I almost don’t believe my own eyes anymore. Everyday I go home with something to be anxious about. Today me and a coworker got in a bit of a tiff and I can’t stop thinking about it (even though I was totally right to be upset 🤣) everyday I play out fake scenarios that may happen because of what I said or did. Occasionally I will worry if I had written something inappropriate on the work I turn in. There’s no amount of reassurance that can make me stop worrying and I’m not sure what to do anymore. I’m new here and would love some suggestions!

Iloveragnar1!

Date posted: 10w

New to this OCD thing… please help

So I’m new to this app and I knew there was something wrong w/ my brain for a few years now. I’m a professional volleyball player and was playing in France last year while in a long distance relationship. I would ruminate and think that one small thing was going to ruin my career every. Single. Day. And I have the fear that I NEEDED to end warm ups with a good hit or else I would play terribly. I had constant fears that my teammates don’t trust me and think I’m bad - when in reality and looking at the statistics I was one of the best players on the team - the fearful ruminating keeps me awake at night and it would get so bad that I would break into a rash on my neck. Lots of rashes from anxiety and over thinking :( My relationship was new but it was long distance. I never experienced this in my life: my mind became OBSESSED with the idea he might be ugly. I couldn’t stop thinking that he was ugly and feared that that meant I needed to break up with him and I felt like a terrible person constantly and the thought ate me alive - I was constantly googling about it to try and get some relief which I am now learning is seeking reassurance. I also have struggled with some forms of disordered eating for many years but it got so bad in France. I was binge eating a lot. I gained ten pounds in a month. I knew it and I felt it and I became OBSESSED with the idea that I’m so fat and a weak terrible person for not being able to control my binges. My therapist gave me some screener exams. I scored very highly on the anxiety test and the OCD test which blew my mind cuz I’ve never considered OCD in my whole life. I started taking Prozac which honestly I feel like saved my life. It’s been over 6 months since that point now and everything is so much more manageable. I’ve also recently learned that I may have autism as well. My brother has it and dad is convinced he has it but I was never diagnosed. I also learned I may have a bit of ADD as well recently. I’ve known I think differently for some time but this is just overwhelming and validating and confusing and a bit scary. My current obsession is worrying about my future career - I’m obsessed. I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m so afraid of my making a lot of money in the future. I take aptitude tests all the time when I get anxiety or go on Reddit to hear about other people which makes me feel okay for a little but it always comes back. My head is spinning. I just want to enjoy being 24 and having an interesting career and trust that my life will be okay but I’m so convinced that I’m going to suffer immensely if I don’t start pursuing a high paying job immediately. Im a smart girl - graduated from UC Berkeley - have done tons of networking in different industries - I have a financial plan for the future for when I start a normal job - but I cant stop this cyclical torturous thinking that I’m going to be poor and suffer immensely I also learned a few years ago I have an anxious attachment style which I thought I worked through but in my new relationship I have strong feelings for him and I feel the intense fear abandonment coming up and I’m so scared I’m gonna ruin the relationship - I thought maybe I’m just someone who needs a lot of reassurance but if I have OCD maybe that will make it worse? Feeling like I need reassurance to regulate? I just would like some help - have you experienced this? Is this even OCD? Am I making things up for attention? I’m going to bring it up with my therapist.

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Feeling I’m not good enough at my job

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