Feeling I’m not good enough at my job

Hi everyone, It’s been a while since I last posted here…! I’ve had ups and downs (well, OCD and anxiety…) like everyone else, but that was okay so far. Those past two weeks I’ve been feeling super down due to my job. I’m an ECT 1 (it’s basically my first year of teaching as a teacher of French and German) so I still have a mentor in school. Two weeks ago or so I’ve been told by my head of department, director of trainee development and mentor that I wasn’t improving “as fast as expected” — meaning I’m very slow. Well they are aware that I’m struggling with behaviour management (my two school placements when I was a student teacher weren’t bad, especially the last one I’d been quite spoilt); so they assumed that lesson planning wasn’t that great (especially for German, my classes are really disruptive but I’ve been told that they had 4-5 teachers before me and they did ‘nothing’……). Now what I have to do is to plan my German lessons for my Year 11 (they are taking GCSEs this year) for the whole week, one week in advance. This gives me so much anxiety, as a trainee I wasn’t even able to send my lessons to the teachers/mentors 24h in advance, I don’t know how I’m going to do now. We are starting term 2 tomorrow and I can feel my OCD and anxiety worsen. I spent the break taking care of myself, going out, resting… I’ve only managed to mark all the assessments. I’ve got only 1 lesson out of 3 for my Year 11, I have my mentor meeting tomorrow when I am supposed to show my mentor the 3 lessons for the week, and I have nothing actually well-prepared. I spent half-term obsessing over this, so I always postponed the planning because it stressed me out. I have some free periods tomorrow so I can have a look at that, but still — I have two lessons tomorrow as well and I almost have nothing. I genuinely think that I’m bad at doing my job and start wondering whether this is the right profession for me (something I never doubt during my school placements last year). Besides, my relationship (friends/partner) OCD is also tormenting me at the moment. In sum, if there is any teachers with OCD here, I’d be really happy to get some advice regarding how you cope with pressure / overwhelming situations at work. If you reached the end of this message, thank you for reading.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 1y

Comment deleted by user

itsmatilda

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Thanks a lot for your comment xx

SarahEH

Date posted: 1y

Hey, Matilda, fellow teacher with OCD here. Your conclusion draws itself: you’ve experienced teaching without these struggles; therefore, it is this position that is exacerbating your OCD, not necessarily the profession entirely. I say that as someone who struggled similarly to what I’m hearing here, but once I left the position and found another more suitable for me, my OCD has been greatly relieved at work. Teaching is a profession that notoriously asks too much, and it sounds like this position would be hard for anyone. It isn’t you. It’s a combination of OCD and the situation surrounding you being a stressful one for anyone. I hope this helps, and I suggest you seek simplicity— like Anonymous suggests— perhaps in streamlining lessons. What I would do is come up with a formula for each and every day: warm up, lesson/activity, closer. This creates consistency for you and the kids, who benefit from knowing what’s coming and ache for routine (though they won’t verbalize it). Grade as little as required (not everything needs to be on record) and for as little time as possible (not everything needs to be assessed; create a generic rubric and reuse it). I hope this helps, but don’t hesitate to reach out for more help. That includes from your mentors, who are supposed to help you, not hurt you with needless nit-pickiness. On that note, I personally disclose my OCD at work, letting my supervisors and subordinates know my needs and strengths that come from it, but didn’t in my previous position. Again, my former wasn’t good for me (but I stayed, leading to panic attacks and nightmares), and my current is amazing (panic attacks and nightmares are gone). If all else fails, I suggest you change positions/locations. With warm regards, Sarah (an English teacher)

itsmatilda

Date posted: 1y

@SarahEH Hi Sarah, thanks for commenting! Your advice is really helpful. I did disclose my OCD at work and even sent an email to my languages colleagues when it was Awareness Week - they asked me which support they could provide me, I didn’t know what to answer 🤡 Yes my school has the same ‘pattern’ for lessons, that helps, I even made a template with my mentor — but I find it hard to have the kids engaged in German - few things work, and they are very weak. I honestly don’t know what they did last year and the years before. I’m really thinking of finishing my two early career years in this school and then probably going elsewhere.

SarahEH

Date posted: 1y

@itsmatilda Hey, you have a plan in place. That’s the hard part! Now for the follow through… I know you have it in you!

Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Thank you for sharing your struggles, we're all here to support each other. And I'm thankful for the previous responses. I hope and pray you find peace, always know your value is not in "what" we do or "how" we do it. You're valuable as you are. :-)

itsmatilda

Date posted: 1y

@Someone99 Thank you so much for your comment 🥰

Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@itsmatilda You're welcome. Don't be a stranger. I'd like to hear how things work out for you. 🙂

itsmatilda

Date posted: 1y

*doubted

uncertain_Aly

Date posted: 24w

Does OCD impact your ability to get to work?

Often times I find myself spiraling out in the morning about all sorts of things. When I try and catch myself and figure out what I am obsessing over it’s like it goes away. I haven’t moved. I have been sitting frozen on the floor because I can’t go to work because I am behind on work and I hate being late and I hate being messy but I am frequently late and my room is cluttered and full of stuff. I want to be good and move and go to work but I don’t know what is coming today and I hate my job so I know I will get bored and when I have nothing to keep me busy and engaged I like start thinking and taking an inventory of what is going on and then I will feel a sensation and what is the sensation? How did it happen? And I know that I will pick up the bad emotions in the office and get contaminated, I was really worried about things like this as a kid too I cried because I had to touch dirt in kindergarten. I know I am this way and I have been this way for a while but at the same time I think I might just be normal and like I don’t know why I get stuck in thinking like this. Then I begin to doubt that OCD is real because everyone has a brain with wiring and everyone gets stuck in thought sometimes. I feel disabled from whatever this is because I am stuck. I literally cannot move because I don’t know what’s wrong and I know I have to go to work even though I feel like every moment I spend there is making everything worse because other people are so stressed and I get it from them. And I don’t feel ready because I just feel off and something is wrong and I just don’t know what to do because if it’s OCD or not OCD everything anyone knows about me is coming from me and I worry that I am often masking all the thinking I’m doing because thinking all the time is rude and inconsiderate and inconvenient for those around me, but I can’t stop. I just don’t feel right, right now - and I want to know WHY?? Why is everything off all the time? How do I even know that I am not making up the experience of OCD in my head to cover up something really wrong with me and now I am taking on the symptoms of OCD like an actress, because this could be something that I can latch onto as a final hope for explaining why I am stuck. So stuck so deeply and terribly stuck sitting on my floor next to my bed just scrolling to avoid thinking because any time I start thinking I am left with no answers or help or anything just this swirly feeling. I know I am trying, maybe not my best, but as much as I possibly can. I want to be a Special Education Teacher but I have so much so so so much doubt and uncertainty about every decision I make and everything I know that I can’t get there right now. I can’t do anything right now until it feels ok and then I will. It never feels ok. I know I have to be ok not feeling ok about it. I can be unsure and still be ok. I know it’s just my thinking and my body but I just can’t get past this feeling. And then I know that because I can calm myself and be ok even though I spent 2 hours of my life today already feeling stuck and spinning around and around and around in my head - I don’t feel sure about my OCD and I think it’s a bit of a scam made up by people to cultivate pathology around deep human thought because one day I might figure it out and we all think a lot.

Cara H.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20w

Work related OCD

Does anyone have OCD regarding always feeling like you are not good enough at your job? I'm 58 years old now I've had OCD since childhood. Every job I've been at I never felt as good as my colleagues. I am a nurse but I worked at that for 15 years I had a breakdown of sorts in 2017 and went on disability. I now work part time as a a swim instructor for kids. I always was afraid of killing someone when I was a nurse. Then I tried dog grooming but I was afraid I would do it wrong and hurt the dogs. At least now the stakes are lower. But my OCD is the same. I work with colleagues who are about 40 years younger than I am . I am afraid of teaching certain classes bc I feel like I wouldn't do as good a job as someone else. I know I can do it but it's like I have a fear of not giving them their money's worth. I've been at my current job for 2 years . I've gotten very positive comments from my managers but I can't seem to believe them. I feel a lot of shame bc I lost a lot of my life to OCD and I am at an age where people are starting to retire after long and successful careers and here I am working at an entry level job. I'm planning on trying to get out of my comfort zone and teaching some of the classes I'm afraid of .it's really hard. I'm always scared what if I lose my benefits and had to work again as a nurse how would I do it.

Squid3223

Date posted: 12w

Does anyone else have job ocd

I’ve been my job for almost 2 years now and I can not shake the constant worry that I am going to do something to mess it up. I’m constantly checking things over and over to make sure they’re correct to the point where I almost don’t believe my own eyes anymore. Everyday I go home with something to be anxious about. Today me and a coworker got in a bit of a tiff and I can’t stop thinking about it (even though I was totally right to be upset 🤣) everyday I play out fake scenarios that may happen because of what I said or did. Occasionally I will worry if I had written something inappropriate on the work I turn in. There’s no amount of reassurance that can make me stop worrying and I’m not sure what to do anymore. I’m new here and would love some suggestions!

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Feeling I’m not good enough at my job

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