trauma

Yesterday me and my friends were high asf and one of them who's a close friend and also an overall good person said some disturbing shit and probably expressed it wrongly and vulgarly and that triggered me a lot. He was talking about a comic artist who was famous for drawing er*tic stuff and that he was reading one of his works and that he came across the er*ticization of a m*nor and how he felt attracted, he said that it was a trap for good peoole. My mind was picturing all this horrible stuff. I was disgusted by that but I also knew that he was a solid individual with morals so that if it happened to him as well it could have happened to anyone and that morality is grey. I still don't understand how they didn't arrest this artist, how can you make in name of art something so disgusting? Also at a certain point we were discussing about it and I was saying things like "no dude wtf" and he was offended and didn't want to be like the only one feeling like a bad person or us being betterthan him and wanted to show us the image, he was serious about showing me so I literally pleaded him not to do it saying that he already knows how my mind traps me with disturbing images forever. Almost cried. Was heavily disturbed by the whole situation. I wish I didn't hear these things coming out from a friend who I held to a high standard of "normality" He was also high asf but still it bothers me and it triggered me a lot because it sent me to an existencial spiral about morality and also worries about how everything that i thought were ocd related like compulsive-staring and false attraction could have just been a perversion of my mind and that it meant I'm simply a bad person. That what always seemed like simply was.

@bxygenius He is a friend and a solid dude tho, he was intoxicated at the moment and when i told him not to show me he stopped but I wish this whole thing didn't happen in the first place, it didn't seem real i couldn't believe it. This is an another traumatic stuff that adds on my experience with ocd and i have to live with it. Sucks it happened with a friend.