I want to cry. I want to die so bad, this isn't worth it at all. I have hocd, but I don't even know at this point. Maybe I am bi or lesbian. Maybe that's what my mind has been trying to make me accept for the past 8 months. Maybe I'll simply never be happy, because that's not who I want to be. It never was. Maybe this is just denial, and internalized homophobia. I'm just so, so tired of this.

It is worth it, my friend. Even if you don’t believe it yet, there is hope and you can come through this. You’ve come too far to give up now. Just hold on❤️

You know, this ocd is crazy. I’ve never been professionally diagnosed but I think I have pure o, it’s literally been the worst year of my life. First it was harm ocd, then now it’s hocd. The worst most painful thing of my life. Like some one said, I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. It’s crazy how powerful our mind is. It’s really scary. We’ll have to be okay, and we will be. You’re not alone, no one here is.

I’m going through HOCD and it sucks, I know! But I’ve also been through Harm OCD and it felt just as real as this. I used to pray for God to kill me and promise to myself I’d just kill myself if it didn’t end after three years. With a lot of ERP work though, I got over my Harm OCD completely. And let me tell you, I’m so glad I didn’t hurt myself. OCD SUCKS, but it has also pushed me so far out of my comfort zone, in bad ways and good ways. It pushed me to fight my fears and study abroad, and to become a sorority recruitment counselor, two of the best experiences of my life thus far. It sucks, but dying isn’t the answer. As crazy as it sounds, there are good sides to OCD, too. It makes you motivated and driven, and surprisingly more like to do things that make you uncomfortable. You’ll have bad days and good days and great days. But please believe me when I say the worst day with OCD is still a million times better than any day dead. What helped me most with HOCD was when my therapist said, “you don’t have to know your sexuality until the end of your senior year of college.” I’m feeling so much better now! You will, too! Postpone your worry for a year because you’re not in the right frame of mind to figure it out. Sending prayers your way!

I understand the fatigue ocd can bring. Find a professional to help you- it may be a long process and the first one or two may not be a good fit for you but keep going. Find a counselor at your school, college or in your community if you need a place to start looking for help. I don’t suggest any religious counselors as black and white thinking may make symptoms worse. Get to someone who specializes in ocd or at least anxiety in the meantime

Thank you all so much. It's awesome to know that I'm not alone. Sometimes it's hard to keep bottling everything, it's just too much going on in my mind. I just wish life was more simple, that I wasn't an overthinker, and that the future I want, by the side of a man, wasn't so uncertain. What ifs flood my mind 24/7.

There will be times of relief that make it all worth it- you will manage and recover with the right help!!!