proudmommy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Struggling

I'm struggling really bad right now. My mind is on overdrive. Sorry for longish post........ Anything to do with harm gets me. But suicidal thoughts 😭 I hate this theme so much!!! I know the thoughts are there and I've been running from them since yesterday. I keep finding things to keep my mind from them and pushing them away. I feel down and out. I fear depression which is what I feel like I have currently. My fear of depression is because I feel like if I'm depressed, I'll commit suicide. And here I am scared. Idk what to do. I've told my husband. He's giving me reassurance (I know not supposed to) that I would never. That he loves me. But I still feel like I will or what if I do? I have ERP session tomorrow night. But right now I'm scared to be alone. Can anyone else relate?!?!?

Suicidal OCD

HydrangeaForce

Date posted: 1y

Though I can't relate to suicidal thoughts, I can relate to intrusive thoughts taking over and when we push them away, it only reinforces the thoughts to the point our brains believe they are significant. By allowing the thoughts to stay and allowing the feelings to be there without reacting to them, your brain will start to realize they are insignificant and not worth thinking about anymore. I wish you the best and hope you find help with tomorrow's session! Believe in yourself that you will get through this. This too shall pass and the rainbow is just overhead. 🌈

proudmommy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I pray it passes sooner rather than later ❤️ thank you for responding. I honestly wouldn't wish what we have on anyone 😭

Kids4Christ

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

This is the the only theme I struggle with. It’s been a rough couple weeks for me, we got this though! I’ve been told many times that people like me & you are the least likely to do something like that.

proudmommy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I'm sorry that you're suffering as well 😭 I hate this theme and harm theme. When I get these my first reaction is wanting to Baker act myself. No sleep so I know it'll get worse today. I really hope the theme goes away for you ❤️ I love this group. Having people that understand you is nice to know you're not alone.

Who_knows?

Date posted: 45w

How are you doing ?

proudmommy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 45w

Hanging in there. How about you?

Who_knows?

Date posted: 45w

@proudmommy I’m doing good , are you still struggling with the “s” thoughts ? Or are they getting better ? It’s currently my theme 🫠

proudmommy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 44w

@Walters15! I stopped erp therapy so it's a little easier. I'm not having to constantly be reminded every week about my themes ❤️ as far as that theme goes yes, I get that, health, and harm throughout the day, everyday. I just let the thoughts be and if they're really intense I'll stop what I'm doing and do the whole I may or may not speech and grab "objects" to get work through the anxiety. I'm also not having the intense thoughts though and I know that makes a difference. I really hope it gets better for you! That and harm theme suck!!! Potential trigger..... When I'm struggling extremely bad (we have weapons) and my husband will put one on table near me or put meds out on counter in front of me or I'll go shave my legs. Another one is to organize the things we hide from ourselves during that theme or do things that involve objects, cooking, arts and crafts with scissors, etc. I hope this stuff helps if you needed any exposures ❤️

Who_knows?

Date posted: 44w

@proudmommy I’ve done that before, before I even knew what I was going through I would grab scissors or a belt and be like “are you gonna do it “ then would talk to myself “then why are you thinking like this “ Well now I know it’s intrusive lol I had no idea what was going on in my head ! After finding this app though I can relate to sooo many people on this theme ! But I haven’t been diagnosed , it’s still 100000%%%% unwanted thoughts ! Do you have social media ? Instagram , Facebook? Maybe we can talk through there ??

proudmommy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 44w

@Walters15! I have Facebook and Instagram. Sorry it's taking long to get back to you. Prepping for hurricane. You know it's free to call nocd and get diagnosed?

Who_knows?

Date posted: 44w

@proudmommy Oh no are you near it ??? Praying for safety !!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 I did not know that . Thank you for the heads up !! If you wanna add me we can talk on there if you’d like .

cows12465

Date posted: 25w

suic. ocd tips

so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.

cows12465

Date posted: 25w

suic. ocd advice?

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 18w

Anxious

I'm at my college and don't feel like being here. I didn't even want to come here. I woke up with anxiety bc i feel like i need to solve this. I had a bad stomach ache when i arrived to school and still havent even eaten breakfast yet bc i feel like i have to solve this. Im just so worried bc i have harm thoughts daily. If i could i would remove this! I dont want to think anymore. Its just, how do I know i dont have real urges when I'm feeling a negative emotion like anger or disappointment or annoyance? Im worried EVERY time i feel a negative emotion. Yesterday I was playing video games with my neice (we are close in age range) and she made us lose. She started blaming me and I guess i felt a little annoyed, it really wasnt my fault (dumb mini argument it was more playful since we started laughing but it was a bit annoying). Anyway i got a harm thought while feeling annoyed of me getting off the couch and lunging at her to attack. I immediately look at my bodily reaction and I tense up to stay as still as possible. My stomach was hurting and i wanted to leave as fast as possible. I stood up and turned off the game and said i was tired while making sure to stay back from her (and i had my hands away and stiff) but i felt so uneasy. I laid I bed and felt sad and heavy. And i kept getting thoughts that said "íts only a matter of time before you can't take it anymore". I started to reassurance seek using ai to ask if i was about to or if they are real urges or thoughts i mean until i eventually fell asleep in the middle of the compulsion. Im just so worried, what if I act out impulsevly one day? I dont want to! But what if when feeling a negative emotion, i suddenly dont care and do something? I really dont want to! I dont even want to feel negative emotions anymore since they trigger the thoughts and I dont want to think about any of that. As a result i tend to avoid my family as much as possible bc they are annoying sometimes. I just wish i was all alone sometimes so i wont get any more thoughts and so everyone can be safe. I usually just stay in bed under my blankets all day long to avoid my family and pets. I am constantly uncomfortable. I miss when i would never think any of this. Living life has become very scary for me now. 😞

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