Any deviation from routine is upsetting

I understand. I understand so, so, so much! I, too will have panic attacks when things "interupt" my pre-planned, pre-determined, pre-organized thoughts of exactly how the next 'x' amount of time ahead of me should be precisely what I've already decided and foreseen it to be. So when I've had it made up in my mind about something, down to the tiniest of details, and suddenly unexpected company shows up at my door, I panic. It could be old friends who I've missed and haven't seen in years, but I will still dread the fact that they are now at my door, while I am attempting to get things done the way I have already decided they were going to. This all has created a different category of intuitive thoughts for me in the last while, of which I cannot explain enough to anybody how completely annoying it has become for me. I have the biggest and worst fears of being in an unexpected situation where I am not equipped with the things I'll need for it. I am terrified of not being prepared for the unknown. I don't drive, and I'm currently living with my two kids in my dad's house because life is shit and I can't afford my own. Anyways, I haven't left the house probably since January at least, without multiple items that I carry inside a huge backpack stuffed so full it hurts my back to hold up. I walk with a good 20 lbs or more on my back, then also carry other random bags that I constantly switch and rotate with different things all the time. I try to organize the "type" of stuff I feel I need at all times. Incase of emergencies. Incase there's no soap. Incase I spill something on my clothes and need to change. Everything is always possible in my head, you never know when ... etc. I will spend hours packing, rearranging, switching pockets and places between all these random objects. It is enough to make a person not want to leave the house anymore 😩