Real Event OCD/Gronial Response/ Rumination

I was making so much progress with my OCD, but now I feel like im back at square one with a new OCD obsession 🤦🏾‍♀️ Its so uncomfortable to talk about because i feel like since most the people I know don’t understand OCD and how it works they will look at me weird and crazy. I was on twitter a few days ago and seen a tweet saying that there was some “horse video” going around and I immediately had a past memory of when I was in high school !!!! TRIGGER WARNING!!!! I was in bed at night mas/urbating as a teenager would occasionally do, and was on instagram watching p/rn, and unexpectedly & involuntarily came across a very odd video of a women and a horse doing yk what, and I KNOW that it wasn’t something I continued watching or enjoyed obviously, but my OCD is convincing me that I did because I was in an aroused state at that time before seeing the video & also because I can’t fully remember that moment or what happened because it was so long ago. I KNOW in my heart that is not in my character to EVER watch or enjoy anything like that so this is really bothering me because I keep questioning if im a weird person or if I enjoyed it… Its so frustrating because everytime I remember because of the continuous thought, I get a gronial response and I feel like I can’t be comfortable around my boyfriend or my dogs because the thought keeps popping up. I HATE OCD it literally has made me lose myself and question who I am as a person 😪😪😪 I really wish I didn’t get on twitter a few days ago because I was finally feeling like my OCD was gone… I just wish I could get rid of this its a constant bully and the gronial response makes it even worse because I feel like now whenever I actually want to participate in a romantic act I will remember this or atleast my OCD is telling me that.

Real Events OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

You know who you are! You know it isn’t you to be into that, don’t question that. Weird shi* like this happens to me too I understand. You didn’t watch it again after that, it’s not like you looked into it again, the fact that it bothers you is proof that you aren’t sick. Our beliefs are dictated but what we continue to tell ourselves and our brain will find evidence to support that belief so that we believe it more. Whenever the intrusive thoughts pop in just remind yourself that you aren’t sick in the head and that it’s just your response because of the OCD. And also remember we are human! It is natural to be aroused by other people being aroused. Was she in pain when you watched it? Was the pain arousing? Is there anything from your past that would cause you to be aroused by pain? Likely it isn’t because it was an animal it’s because of something deeper. Or it wasn’t the video that aroused you at all, just the fact that it was crazy and interesting that you kept watching it. Also sometimes taboo things like that can be hard to look away from lol. It’s like watching the man in Florida get his face eaten 😂 weird example but of course nobody wants to see that but at the same time we are curious because we are human. Talk to your therapist about what the deeper issue could be cause there is a reason it bothers you so much but it’s not because your sick in the head. And you’re not alone! It could be unresolved trauma or it could just be the OCD.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Thank you this helps alot! I feel the reason it does bother me so much is because of self doubt. Like the OCD trying to convince me I liked it or enjoyed it and I personally hate having those thoughts because it makes me feel like I have no control.

GreenTurtle098

Date posted: 20w

18+ TW

Okay so In the moment I get intrusive thoughts about children which I hate. I get the gronal responses which I always so many compultions after. My ocd is very bad and I’m showering and changing my bedding around 8 times. Therapists have told me I’m the worse they’ve ever known. That’s how bad my life is atm. I hate this disorder. I want to know if ocd can cause these things as it will help me to fight my compulsions and just except it’s ocd… In the moment the gronal responses are genuinely pleasurable and I struggle to ignore them and stop them, in the moment t I want them even if it was due to a thought of a kid My OCD will tell me I’m aroused I’ll feel aroused then when moving around in my bed it’ll tell me to make my vagina touch my bedding for a feeling while I’m turning over and I purposely do it in the moment… I hate it. After I do so many compilations, it’s not even me it’s like someone else controlling my body When I try to fight my compulsions I think in my mind “I like this anyways” and actually like the thoughts and gronal responses over the children, which then makes me not be able to fight them. For example my ocf was telling me to spray my feet with anti back, but then I tried to fight it and I was thinking to myself “nah l like this one I like this feeling over the kid it’s the real me” like I didn’t even feel stressed from it it’s like I wanted it. Of corse after these I do lots and many compultions Please I just want to know if ocd can do this

Vee <3

Date posted: 19w

Heyyyy!

So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 13w

Distressed 18+

I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔

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Real Event OCD/Gronial Response/ Rumination

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