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Nobody cares what you looked at online when you were 16. Stop answering your brain when it demands explanations or reassurances or whatever it's asking for. It's not important but it's going to keep feeling important until you stop treating it like it's important. I can see that you're very tangled in the thoughts but you can absolutely get free of them. Let the horrible thoughts linger and subside on their own. Keep practicing that and you'll be free of them. Good luck!

I don’t think your a bad person. A lot of people get off to a lot of weird things and honestly What matters is that you realize hey it was kind of a weird thing to do that too. You were still a kid. And you do stupid stuff when your 16 and no maybe it wasn’t right but you know now that it’s wrong. EVERYONE who has watched porn has came across messed up videos and I can honestly take a wild guess of what the video revolves around that you saw. I’ve been the in same boat as you with this exact thing and honestly talking to someone about it might help you realize that your head has blown it out of proportion.

I'm very sorry that pornography negatively impacted your life. You're definitely not alone and it's not your fault that you were seeing these things at a young age. I don't know if you were hooked on it, but you can be and it can leave you to escalate to look at things you would once find unsettling. I don't think you're a bad person for this. I've been in the very same position when I was younger and it gives me guilt and shame but I try to remember that I'm past that. You understand that it was awful and it makes you feel bad, but you can try to move past from this and give yourself compassion. If you have an OCD therapist, you can tell them this and anything else that's bothering you.

Hello there! FYI, this might be reassurance and might only calm you for a bit. But there is this lady Chrissie Hodges on YouTube, chexk her out. Now she says that it’s not uncommon for people with ocd to look at weird stuff or imagine it or even masturbate (as a COMPULSION!) in order to ‚chexk‘ if their intrusive thought was true or something along those lines. This might calm you now but it won’t for the long run. You will need to live with that uncertainty and stay there until the thoughts are just thoughts and nothing else!

I feel bad posting this because I don’t want it to seem like I’m looking for people tell me it’s ok, because it’s not ok. And I feel like posting this is bragging about what I did. It’s not true I feel awful I just can’t take it anymore I need to talk to someone I don’t want to be this person.

I don’t know why I said 16 I think that I was 17 and I feel like I said that to make it sound better, I think I genuinely thought I was 16 when it happened when I wrote this but I think I was 17