Some questions for y'all -when did this start for you? -how long has it been for you? -how real does it feel? -are you in a relationship? -whats your biggest trigger? -have you dealt with other themes - if so what? -is this your worst theme?
It started for me at the beginning of July so it’s been about 5 months give or take. It feels entirely real. Everything I used to believe about myself feels entirely backwards, like I don’t even know who I am. Everything I used by comfortable with, I’m not anymore. I am in a relationship, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years as of last month and it’s been torture. My biggest trigger would be seeing late in life lesbians post about coming out, and the signs they had growing up that should’ve told them. Or even if they didn’t have any signs of liking the same sex but still came out as lesbians. That, and seeing same sex couples describe how they fell in love as best friends, because my best friend is what started my hocd. I deal with ROCD as well. That’s what I had for the first 2 months until hocd came into the picture all of a sudden. Before then I never questioned my sexuality. The worst one has to be hocd/soocd. Because with ROCD, you at least know that one way or another you can try your best to just stay and be with your partner. But at least there’s a chance. With hocd, there’s the “what if I’m gay and have to leave him”
It strted for me in 2021 when I was 15 and then it went away when i turned 16 and it went away for 2 years. I’m abt to be 18 and it came back in august 2023 It’s been 3 months of non stop intrusive thoughts and attacks. It feels very very very real very real. I was ina rs and was quite happy had my life planned out w her. But then she left and we are praying to reunite(I’m Muslim) Biggest trigger is probably the word gay, ppl talking abt being straight, confidence shown by other ppl which I’m lacking, a lot of stuff rlly, I had one theme which was abt cancer and that’s abt it This is indeed my worst theme
so for me i slightly noticed it in my first relationship, (about three years ago) i was in a long distance relationship with a man at the time and would get random spouts of anxiety. eventually i broke up with him just because of how he treated me and we were not a good match. the anxiety went away since i wasn’t in a relationship and i forgot about it. i started questioning my sexuality, anxiety free, and came to terms with being bisexual at the time, which was easy for me to accept for the most part. i started to date another man for 3 weeks and broke up with him cause he became abusive very quickly. i reevaluated my sexuality after dating him and started to consider that i might be a lesbian. it was hard to accept at first, because of comp-het, what ifs, and my religious family, but as of right now i am comfortable in my sexuality. then i met my current girlfriend. we started out at just friends and then it progressed to more until we started dating about 8 months after we started talking. my rocd started before we started dating, i was scared that i didn’t like her enough, or that because i wasn’t in love with her (yet) that she wasn’t the one, or that because i didn’t want to marry her (yet) that i shouldn’t even bother. i over analyzed all my thoughts, feelings, and interactions with her. i would compare that to how i felt with my ex bf and would freak out about maybe i wasn’t even gay at all. i knew i cared very deeply for her but i would try and figure out if it was a platonic or romantic care. when we started dating, every time i was with her it was magical, and then i would go home and question everything. i ended up having a really bad panic attack one night cause i felt like i needed to break up with her cause i didn’t know if i wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. it felt very real for a very long time. i would spend lots of time googling, watching youtube videos, listening to podcasts, ruminating, and other things while trying to live my normal life through some of the most debilitating anxiety i had ever experienced. i talked to my therapist and she has helped me a lot. i currently am on zoloft, which has helped me very greatly with my anxiety and focus of breaking some of the thought patterns that i end up having. the thoughts are tricky and they stick really easily. for the most part i am on this platform to just have a community of people that feel the same way i do.
@Lauren B my biggest themes are rocd, heterosexual ocd, and religious ocd.
- Mine started mid July with SO-OCD. - this theme has been going on since July however about 3 years ago I experienced POCD - It feels extremely real, all the thoughts and feelings I had for men, now pop up about women. And this has brought me a lot of anxiety - I’m not in a relationship however I am still dating men - my biggest trigger is comphet and later in life lesbians - I’ve dealt with POCD, Harm OCD, and SO OCD - this has definitely been the most difficult theme to recover from. There’s so much information about sexuality in the news, and I work in the sexual health field so I am aware of the fluidity of sexuality and am very accepting of folks all along the spectrum. Thus, it’s easy for me to fall into the trap of believing I am a lesbian woman rather the other themes seems so far from reality.
This started for me in late 2020, so I've had it for nearly 3 years. It definitely feels real because of the unwanted sensations and the groinal response. The OCD keeps telling me that I am not who I am. I've made strides in my recovery but it strikes unexpectedly. I have been single all my life, though I hope to find my person soon :) A notable trigger is being with guys and getting all touchy with them (as bros/homies). Even though they are my bros, sometimes the OCD is telling me to be more than bros with them. The hardest one was when a guy who annoyed me started getting all touchy with me, which made it harder to move past. I have had a few short bursts of POCD. I would say POCD is worse in terms of morality significance. But overall I have been able to deal with them effectively and quash it when it was still mild. SOOCD is worse for me personally because you are stuck with the intrusive sensations when it comes to intimacy.
For me it started in 2016. 7 years with some months in which I have felt that I am free from it but I get hooked again Almost 100 percent real, the only thing that keeps me firm is that I know that deep down I am not interested in it and that I do not want to act on it, I have had better times but currently I feel lost I'm not in a relationship currently, I've been single for years but I've had my share of encounters with girls My biggest triggers would be the fear of not being able to function sexually again with girls, ending up making my life with men without being able to avoid it because it is “what happened to me” and practically having lost part of the attraction for women feeds it daily. I think that with health anxiety, I have had seasons in which I forget about this topic but I get hooked on health and before this topic started I had what could have been the issue of obsessively worrying about health The one that has demotivated me the most is health because it implies the fear of death but the SOOCD is the one that has lasted the longest and of course it has threatened the way I want to live my life and affected that, I would say that it narrowly surpasses the health issue.
Started last year may It’s been a year plus now and it driving me crazy. It feels so real, the urges, I make up things in my head to prove that I’m not gay but it ends up backstabbing me. It comes with feeling, arousal beyond my control. It feels like I get a boner anything I see a same sex without thinking about any sexual things. I’m in a relationship with my girlfriend and I hate it when every time I try to remember a good time with her my ocd starts making up same sex image in my head to ruin it, the word gay and bi scary me a lot and also it feels arousing.
started in 2016 but was always in the back of my head. It feels very very very real. I had a few years/months were it was better. I am in a realitionship ( 5 years with my bf). Biggest trigger I would say the romantic side of it and not the sexual side. I had Harm OCD and Health OCD but they both disappeared almost completely however SOOCD is always here. If im not triggered its at least in the back of my mind.
-Mine started summer of 2013 (can’t remember the year but remember the moment) -I dealt with this through 2.5 summers before getting on medication -it felt extremely real until going on medication. After medication the anxiety subsided and so did the thoughts… I would have brief triggers, but was easily able to over come them… so much so that I actually was able to look back and laugh at how much of my life I wasted in the “depths of despair”… I started a new medication and my ocd was triggered by external stressors first rocd and now rocd/soocd combined. At this current point in time, I feel numb. -I am in a relationship. Love that man to death. -biggest triggers are pretty or masculine females. Females in small amounts of clothing. - ROCD (not as bad but still present), health ocd when I was little, and pregnancy OCD, -this is absolutely my worst theme. The most anxiety I’ve ever felt for the longest time.
Questions for those of you with false memory OCD: How did you come to know that you had this theme? Did these false memories appear spontaneously or gradually? What do you find is best when going about treating your specific theme(s)? Do you have any insight in regards to your theme?
WALL OF TEXT INCOMING (sorry)! Hello, I hope everyone is doing well and are managing their OCD symptoms well. I have a question concerning SO-OCD and ROCD. A little background first: I developed SO-OCD (have been to therapy here at NOCD and therapist says I meet criteria for OCD and SAD so far) I can't really pinpoint when exactly this developed, but it seemed to have happened when I got depressed, lost interest in sex, then convinced myself that I lost interest in sex because I must be gay despite the rational part of my brain knowing that I haven't desired to be with the same-sex before. It spiraled into heavy rumination, obsessive thoughts and then avoidance. My long-term relationship ended (got cheated on) and that sent me down even further. I've always had low self-esteem, but this killed any semblance I had left. I couldn't sleep, had persistent anxiety, and just felt like my brain exploded from the shock of it all. It's been around 2 years since this ramped up, and it has felt like absolute hell on earth. Lately, my SO-OCD seems to not be triggered so heavily (not getting as highly anxious of the thoughts, and have noticed the thoughts slowing down in overall frequency and have been able to dismiss them easier than before), but I think I have started taking a liking to a gal the past few months, but don't trust my sense of feelings anymore. Some examples: 1) I think I have felt butterflies? But not sure if it is or just anxiety. 2) I am terrified of getting intimate or sexual (fear of embarrassment, or perhaps my "member" not working when the time comes) despite thinking about getting intimate with this lady. 3) Doubting that I actually have feelings toward her (thinking that maybe I'm just trying to force the relationship because I don't want the OCD to be true). Has anyone dealt with this with similar themes? It feels like my SO-OCD has kind of merged with ROCD or transitioning from one to the other. I have a tendency now to expect arousal from every close interaction with a potential partner and if it doesn't happen (like if we give each other a hug after work) then I doubt my attraction despite having been aroused simply by touch previously. I know it sounds goofy, but I think about it every-single-time ("welp, i wasnt aroused that time. I must not be attracted to her!"). It's all a lot to handle when trying to navigate a potential relationship and fear I'll never overcome this intense anxiety to sex/intimacy. So I avoid getting too close or putting myself in situations where these things could occur. Thank you if you've made it this far. This was tough to put out there, but I'd love to hear others thoughts. Again, I hope all is well for everyone and stay strong out there.
I recently started liking this girl. She likes me and It feels amazing. I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for a while now and I was scared when I first fell for her because I knew how badly my OCD was. My OCD has flared up so much since and it tells me I don’t like this girl or that I rather be with a guy. A lot of what if questions as well. I would like to know for those in relationships and struggling with Sexual Orientation OCD, how has this affected your relationship. I don’t want to feel alone in all this. I’ve had many themes before this one and OCD is telling me it’s different this time.
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