I feel like I am drowning

I have had a major set back a couple of weeks ago and I have been feeling the most depressed I have ever been. It feels like I am drowning. I am not even living. I feel so scared and guilty all the time. There is this deep horror and sadness every where I go. I feel so alone. I hate this. I just want to be happy. I feel so lost. I am and trying so hard to keep on going. I am trying to keep up. And do erp. But I have had to start all over again. I am just doing the basics because that is all I can handle at the moment. I feel so fragile, one thought or memory or action distroys me in seconds. I am second guessing everything. This is like torture. I am in so much pain. I feel so lost. God why me? I have POCD, so it is so much worse. I don’t feel like myself, I feel like a monster. I feel like I am disgusting. This is the worst possible person I can be and I am convinced I don’t have ocd. So much evidence is digging into my brain. I just really need some advice. I don’t want reassurance please, that will just make me worse. I have been doing erp. I have not been reassuring myself or checking which is probably why I feel so sick right now. I am not giving in but it is so hard, it is destroying me and I can’t even do the things I love. Idk, I guess I just need people to tell me I will be okay. I need maybe some erp advice. I just feel so alone and I can’t talk to the ones I love about it. I just want to be happy again. I just feel guilty and disturbed by myself constantly,

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Aw Jess :( this makes me really sad I am in the same place as you and it’s horrible to hear someone else going through what I am. I’m right there with you- I’ve never felt more low in my life. I’m finding it so hard not to believe my thoughts lately especially because I’ve had OCD for so long now. It’s isolating, it’s soul destroying, it’s a vile disease that the universe has given us. Sending you the biggest hug and lots of love. You are not alone I promise

Username: vgbvgb

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Big huge hugs to both of you. It really sucks and I know the feeling all too well. It will get better again but please resist the urge to look for answers. And it’s ok to talk to someone you love. Just to lean on those we love for their compassion is not reassurance seeking, it is our human condition!!!! I hope you can find something to smile about… a puppy??? The sunset? Hang in there!!!!!❤️🌹

Username: D:)D:)

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

i totally understand what you are going through & i'm so sorry this is something you are facing:( i wanted to reach out and let you know that there is an ocd support server through discord that offers IMMENSE support & i have noticed it's a little easier to chat and communicate with others in a timely manner, if you are interested in joining! https://discord.gg/np8UwBQYMb

Username: Someone99Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Your OCD mind is telling you several lies, it's distorting everything. One I see here is, POCD is so much worse. Not true, it's still a thought, just like any other theme. It doesn't define you. You can choose your reaction to it. Another, you mind is obviously telling you your ERP isn't or won't help you. It will. Remember your response tools, I hope you have a good one or a few. Also, OCD is telling you you're a monster, probably that you're the worst person in the world. I know because that's what mine tells me. It's not true. You're valuable, worthy of love, forgiveness, grace, healing and happiness. You're not alone, I'd be willing to be here for you anytime.

Username: Twelve Squir...

Date posted: 2y ago

ERP Help

I need a different perspective on this. I feel like I'm being run through the ringer. I'm doing what I can to avoid reassurance and not avoid triggers but I get triggered every day. I'm trying so hard to sit with the panic and the horror but it's so hard. It gets to the point I feel physically sick. Is there anything that I can do to help with this? I feel alone. I don't feel strong, I feel like a punching bag. Why is this so hard to master? I really want to know it gets easier. I've been suffering from POCD that has evolved and gotten worse and worse over the past eight months that has been torturing me multiple times on a daily basis and I feel like I'm drowning. I want to run away and hide because my life feel like it's seconds from being ruined. Please, please tell me this gets easier. That this ERP therapy will stop making me feel like I'm dying. The small moments of victory feel so brief only for me to get hit with another wave. There is so much uncertainty over such a horrific thing I feel ill. I feel afraid to be alone with my mind. Please if anyone out there can please give me tips on how to handle ERP. One moment I think I'm finally beating this thing and the next it's got me pinned and I'm terrified my life will be ruined. I want my peace back, I need help and I'm doing everything I can to resist compulsions but I feel so alone and dirty and disgusting. Please help me. Thank you for any advice 💕

Username: Jadeon

Date posted: 48w ago

Advice please

I’m going through the worst ocd flare up , I can’t stop crying and feel like I’m the worst person in the world and that no one understands how it makes me feel and how I feel so alone and that I’m a horrible person. Why do I feel like everything I’ve done makes me the worst unlovable person. Why is it when I pray I’m still so sad and nothing get fixed so I can be happy. I just want to be happy and at peace and stop having these intense overpowering thoughts. I know they say it’s best to sit with the thought until it passes instead of trying to direct my self but it just won’t go away and I’m trying hard to let it pass but something will always remind me of it and bring me right back to square one. I’m just so miserable that this is my life and thought process every single day😪

Username: Ocdsucks56

Date posted: 23w ago

OCD

I feel really lost in life, I don’t recognize my self, I’m 23 years old and about a year and a half ago my HARM OCD started and it’s all I think about all day, I have this weird feeling. I know it gets better because it got better about a year ago but this time it came back stronger, I don’t what to do, like I know I don’t want to become this person but my brain is telling me that I won’t get better and to not get therapy nor do anything to make it better because I am a bad person. I want a happy life without these thoughts. I have the most disturbing thoughts and I just feel sick all the time and I don’t know how I’m able to live like this. It’s been a month since it came back and I’ve been surviving somehow. I can’t even look someone in the eyes because my ocd will say that I wanna hurt them and I desire it but I DO NOT WANT TO BECOME THIS PERSON. I hope it gets better because I’m afraid going to hurt my self in order for my thought to end since it will be the only way to protect others.

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I feel like I am drowning

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