i feel like a bad person

i feel like a bad person. i’ve made a lot of mistakes in my relationship which my bf has forgiven me for but i can’t help but feel like a horrible person. my mind keeps going back to every mistake i’ve made an i feel the need to tell my bf every single thing. an i think stuff i don’t want to think which ik i can’t help and alot of the time idk if it’s intrusive thoughts or normal thoughts everyone does but i just can’t help feeling like my bf would hate me if he knew the rest of my mistakes he knows a majority of them we both agreed not to tell him anything else bc it doesn’t matter but idk i just feel so awful and i get panic attacks an just really bad episodes bc of the guilt of everything i honestly just want it to go away.

Username: Carly HCarly H

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

This is almost exactly what I was going through for the last four months. It is really awesome that you have chosen not to tell him anything else. That is an accomplishment in and of itself! I used to feel the need to confess every little thing, even when I could see it was doing more harm. I practiced my ERP and trained my brain not to want to confess or ruminate on past mistakes. Keep going!

Username: ineedhelplololineedhelplolol

Date posted: 1y ago

@Carly H ik i’ve actually been doing really well with not confessing anything else but recently a thought has come up about something to do with his friend i don’t know if it’s false attraction or if it’s just me being horrible or if it’s just normal but for me and my bfs relationship tht stuff isn’t really normal (we get really jealous over this kind of stuff) and ik i wouldn’t like it if he felt tht way ab someone so it’s got me just feeling really horrible and needing to confess especially since it’s ab his friend

Username: ineedhelplololineedhelplolol

Date posted: 1y ago

@ineedhelplolol he also knows about a lot of stuff and is okay with it he knows i can’t help it but i still just feel like hypocrite if it’s not false attraction and it’s got me spiraling

Username: Carly HCarly H

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

What I can't offer is reassurance, because that doesn't help in the long run. What I can say is that not confessing is the right thing to do, even when it feels wrong. Months ago I was begging my mom to let me have my phone so I could call my fiance to confess something I thought I remembered. I went to the bathroom and called him secretly. I was so mad at myself after I did it because I had made so much progress. You are committed to the process of ERP. Think of it as part of your job right now. You are required to work through this and hang on, even if it feels like the hardest thing ever, because it really does. You are so strong!

Username: NewToOCD8NewToOCD8

Date posted: 1y ago

Confessing is your compulsion. Resist it. It will be difficult and feel like the wrong thing at first (even though it’s not…you both agreed to not confess past things any longer). So, resist the urge. You have to train your brain that the urge/thought to confess isn’t a real issue that needs to be addressed. The longer you can go without confessing the more and more your mind will quit bringing those things to your attention.

Username: Scared1Scared1

Date posted: 1y ago

You’re not a bad person. You sound like a kind, loving person who doesn’t want to hurt your bf or be responsible for wrong doings towards him. He knows this, which is why he’s asked you not to tell him anything more. He knows you have good intentions. You’ve got this.

Username: Survivor.03Survivor.03

Date posted: 1y ago

You are not alone in this battle; learn to separate yourself from the OCD. In the moment, it feels impossible to control your compulsions and stop reassurance-seeking/confessing. I struggle with this very situation as well but try to remember that you’re feeding your OCD when you interact with compulsions💗

Username: c444tmommy

Date posted: 4y ago

my mind is making me feel so guilty for all the shit i put my boyfriend through when it comes to my mental health

Relationship OCD

Username: SL1K

Date posted: 1y ago

i cant act normal like nothings happened.

i’m only 15 i cant. i cant. i don’t even know if it’s real event ocd. it feels like massive weights on me. i cant live just acting like everything’s normal. like i haven’t made mistakes. if people knew the mistakes i’ve made because i didn’t know they were wrong everyone would hate me. i don’t deserve my relationship. i don’t deserve my friendships. i don’t deserve anything. i just want to cry and hold friends and my partner but i’d feel guilty because i feel like the worst person i know. i don’t know how i can just “act normal” and “leave stuff in the past” and “not confess” “move forward and focus in present “ :(

Username: dee012

Date posted: 1y ago

guilt for no reason

anybody ever still feel a guilty feeling in ur chest kinda like anxiety even if u didn’t do anything wrong? i told the truth to my bf about smthng and my brain keeps making me feel like i lied even though i haven’t. im honest with him about everything, but my brain is telling me the only way to get relief is to admit to lying but i didn’t lie so it wouldn’t even make me feel better at all. i was uncertain about a message i had sent to someone and my brain is saying i lied to him bc im uncertain but i told him i was uncertain. my brain is always making me feel guilt and shame and ive felt like this before and it passed but this feels like it’s never going to go away and i see him in 2 hours and im scared im gonna ruin it

Relationship OCD

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i feel like a bad person

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