I have been doing ERP for a year and 7 months here with NOCD, and 7 weeks ago I started trauma therapy with another provider. So I can speak to my experience here. Where I struggled, is that before I started the trauma therapy, I thought I was turning a corner with my OCD. I was overcoming some major exposures, and things were looking up. But then I left my 13 year relationship, and my world shifted again. My anxiety flared up a lot, I was having strong intrusive thoughts, and it was hard to sit with the uncertainty. Some old compulsions came up for me, in the time between leaving my relationship and starting trauma therapy.
My therapist told me that ocd will flare up when you have high stress levels. And it sounds like your ocd is wanting you to have control again, especially if you go into a new unfamiliar process (addressing your trauma).
I want you to know your progress wasn’t deleted. Lapses are normal in OCD recovery. You still have the tools you’ve learned, and your progress won’t disappear.
I can relate on wanting a clear path, with a step by step on how to heal. But you’ll find your place of peace, even if you’re confused or lost.
I will also say that my ERP therapy is helping me as I do my trauma therapy. I can use my ERP tools of sitting in discomfort, confronting magical thinking, and accepting that I don’t have control always. For me personally, there were many times I wasn’t sure how I would get through certain exposures, or therapy overall. But I did, and that experience is guiding me now through my trauma therapy. If I have a day where I’m not sure what’s next, or how I’ll process some things, I’m reminded that I’ve felt this way before, and I got through what I thought I couldn’t with ERP.
So, my advice to you, is to recognize and lean on your strength. Recognize your progress with your OCD, and know that you can get through addressing your trauma. I am so sorry you experienced it. Know that even if the path forward has discomfort or uncertainty, you can handle it, because you do so already in conquering your OCD. Talk to your therapist about feeling like you want a step by step-they should be able to help you with that.
I wish you the best.