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Sometimes I feel so weak and it seems like OCD will be there forever. Like, I know there's no cure, but I want to recover, I want to have a peaceful life, but sometimes I feel so weak, it's frustrating

Lost-

Date posted: 1y

People can and do recover from OCD all the time, as far as I know there’s no ‘cure’ because it’s a complex mode of thinking and existing that some people are pre-disposed to, but with the right skills and treatment you absolutely can have a peaceful life. Think of it like having a faulty defence mechanism that you can turn off if you have the right password (combination of tools and therapy). It’s basically just that, a faulty defence mechanism that operates in the fear centre of your brain to conjure up debilitating doubt and uncertainty to provide the illusion of safety. You don’t have to have it turned on forever, even if it feels like it. Hang in there.

bm111111

Date posted: 1y

I'll try to keep that in mind! I just wanted more moments of peace, idk

Lost-

Date posted: 1y

@bm111111 I totally get it, sometimes it feels like it’s just too much, but it will get easier, and you can help find those moments of peace by just truly forgiving yourself and letting yourself be. If you can, get as much rest (not sleep), as you can manage without interrupting your responsibilities and go easy on yourself. Wish u all the best.

Wolfram

Date posted: 1y

Ignore the fact that there's no cure and push, don't let anything put you off like that from getting better. I'm aiming to cure myself. May never be achievable but will always have motivation to be better because of it

ari_n55

Date posted: 1y

that is what I've been going through lately I start getting just tired of having to deal with so much on my head its exhausting and then tell myself this is the way I'm going to live for the rest of my life I will never have a normal life like my siblings and friends I will not get cured and reality hurts 💔

Wolfram

Date posted: 1y

Been there. Sorry you feel like this. Why do you feel like you'll be like that for the rest of your life? What would a life without ocd look like to you?

ari_n55

Date posted: 1y

@Invalid wow that's a good question you know I didn't see it that way you're right Idk I guess because all my life growing up I knew something wasn't right I just knew since a child that I for some reason was different not that I was special bt how I felt live was always complicated for myself until a year ago that i found out what ocd even ment and I was diagnosed its like when it hit me and made me realize that many things I did and felt like in the past was my ocd I am not sure bt It wasn't as bad as now I have developed a skin picking disorder (excoriation, dermatillomania) and eating disorder as well I haven't been able to live life or enjoy a bit of it since and it hurts me seen who I am now and remember the old version of me before all this just got to the point where I can't find a way out of my mental illness and knowing theirs no cure brings me less hope to atleast feel some happiness again

Wolfram

Date posted: 1y

@ari_n55 Since being diagnosed with ocd, did you do any therapy? What led to you being diagnosed? Also, screw that there's no recorded cure. I felt the same and knew there was something different about me, or different about everyone else. Had it undiagnosed for 27 years. I looked at the stats for recovery when looking to get better and I still remember it because its now a badge of honor for me. 1.2% of the people have ocd. 10% of those seek to get better. 10% of those who get therapy actually see improvement with an average 6-12months minimum. You know what I said when I saw that? F*** that sh**!! That's not good enough for me, I'll prove them all wrong. The improbable is not the impossible. I got therapy and I aim to cure myself completely. Just because it's not been done before doesn't mean it can't be done. I then changed my goal to complete remission. In 3 months I did achieved it. It was hell, honestly but is so it a million times over to get better. Especially now as I know what it feels like. So screw the stats, and screw that there's no " cure", there may or may not be one, just not discovered yet. Even if there was one, I'd doubt it would be a magic pill. You can get better with the right guidance but you need to be willing to put in the work. Find something to motivate you. What do you want in life? What do you want to achieve?

Wolfram

Date posted: 1y

I'd do it a million times over to get better *

ari_n55

Date posted: 1y

im tearing up right now as i read your reply but its with a sincere smile, i want to say thanks! your words gave me the strength and courage I couldn't find in me again. you're absolutely right I'll never forget that "the improbable is not the impossible" it makes me happy to know you've achieved your goal and that gives me hope once again. thank you 😊

neverdealing...

Date posted: 24w

Confused and it makes me feel stupid

I’m definitely having an episode right now. A few times I’ve thought about coming onto this app and writing something but then I spiral further and further and I forget about anything except what’s triggering me. Then I think about this app again and intend to write a post… but again I’m spiraling too hard to focus on anything else. But I finally ended up here because I got an email from NOCD. I opened it and read about someone who ‘overcame their OCD.’ It made me spiral harder, because I genuinely don’t understand how someone can control this. How do I stop? How do I silence my brain? I was told to sit with my thoughts and not try to divert them, but if I do that I have an extreme episode so bad that I feel disconnected from myself. I looked at myself in the mirror and it felt like my eyes were seeing someone standing in front of me and not my reflection. It scares me to think that I will be experiencing these episodes forever. I literally just put my phone down twice because I thought my cat was choking to death because he had a hairball (he’s fine) I just feel like I can’t see a way out of this. It’s not curable, and I don’t understand how someone can ‘conquer’ something that feels so out of control Obviously it’s possible, but unfortunately that reassurance doesn’t always break through the most awful thoughts Sometimes there’s nothing that can make me calm down, I just have to ride it out I hope there’s never a day where it’s so out of control that I can’t keep it in at work, and I ruin my own life by having a severe panic attack while I’m there and being fired. If I had the type of episodes at work that I have consistently at home, I would be so humiliated. It scares me. I’m trying so hard to be normal like everyone else. I just want to be happy. I just want to live.

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 23w

I’m so tired I just wanna be free

I know I keep talking about This but I’m too tired :( I’m really struggling and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I might be the only person who experiences this in the way I do. It’s gotten so bad that during intimacy or self-pleasure, I feel like I’m acting on a thought — like my body is moving because of it. It’s terrifying and deeply hurtful. The moment it happens, I immediately panic, try to rewind everything in my head, and ruminate to figure out what I was thinking at that exact second… but I can never remember. That makes it even worse. feel so lost and hopeless, like I’ll never be able to heal or move on from this. People tell me “it’s just OCD,” but it doesn’t feel like OCD to me. It feels like I’m the exception — like no one else truly experiences it like this, especially the part where it feels like I physically responded to a thought. I know people say “others go through this too,” but my mind keeps saying, “not like this, not this specific thing.”Sometimes I just wish I could go back and relive those moments so I could be sure what happened, but I know that’s not possible. I feel so stuck in guilt and doubt that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m scared I’m a bad person and that I’ll always feel this way. I’ll never be free or be the same again everyday I live with deep depression

2005grl

Date posted: 16w

worried 😔

this is probably kinda jumbled but over the past almost year or so i've slowly realized i have ocd (i'm diagnosed audhd but over time i started feeling like those alone didn't cover the whole issue yk?), and recently i've been kinda worried i guess. it’s just that i’m turning 21 in 6 months and i’m afraid that this disorder is going to rob me of joyful adult milestones in my life. honestly being 20 has sucked, i can’t even remember wtf being 18 was like, and my childhood in general wasn't the best either, but i've been struggling a lot as of late and i don't want how i feel now to be the same as how i feel next year. my meds have helped quiet my compulsions a significant amount (i literally felt like i was going kinda cray cray when i was off them 😭) but they’re not completely gone. sometimes it just seems like this is all it's ever gonna be forever and i’m always gonna feel ashamed of myself for just like… existing. my 21 year old self deserves to be happy but idk if i’ll be able to give that to her 🥲🥲🥲

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