Don't feel heard

Exactly. I don't even know what's the issue, why I feel like I can't feel heard no matter how hard I try

@Anonymous Same here. Even in my case, if i express my emotions everyone just treat me so harshly like everything is my fault. How can people be so cruel. People who emotionally support you and understand you really means alot but unfortunately everyone doesnt have these things

@anaa Yeah. I'd be lying if I said I didn't carry negative emotions and a grudge with me regarding society and it's members

@Anonymous I am just tired of people and this wolrd

@anaa I get that way too. I understand how it feels... :(

@anaa Mind if I ask you a strange question? I know this is a week later, so I'm sorry if you didn't want me bringing this back up.

@Anonymous Yeah, you can ask

@anaa - Ok. I was just wondering what you would think or say if I mentioned that, as a Christian, I felt that God had some people more special to Him than others. Would you even be comfortable listening/having a conversation about that? It's okay if the answer is no, I wouldn't be offended -- I know some people who don't like to talk about that stuff. I do also tend to talk about it quite a bit. And it's okay if you don't want to answer that directly. I understand it is probably an odd question. Thanks for getting back with me btw

@Anonymous Alright but i am not cristian

@anaa That's ok. I guess I was just wondering if I knew someone who would listen to my worries who wouldn't just try to correct my perspective. But I worry about it a lot, it probably would get annoying to hear blubbering all the time

@anaa And especially not being Christian, I wouldn't think you'd like to hear about that a lot. Anyway, just wanted to also let you know if you had anything you wanted to simply talk about and have someone just listen, I'm able to do that; or you could tell me what you'd want out of a conversation. :)

@Anonymous Thank alot for being here. I am also here if you want to share anything 😊

@anaa Will keep in mind. :) I'm guessing you'll be on and off of this app sometimes?

@Anonymous Yeah my ocd is weird. Sometimes i use this app alot when i have too much anxiety but other times i dont want to use it too much bcz it triggers my anxiety

@anaa Yeah. That makes sense. I was just curious. :)

@anaa Hey again. Sorry if I'm bothering you. So, I've been trying to see a therapist about the depression that comes with OCD (so not just the OCD specifically), and I'm seeing one therapist for that, but I feel like they don't really understand how I feel. So I'm thinking about seeing a different one. Thing is, I've talked to a ton of different people: my family, people on this app, many people on an online Christian counseling chat, etc. And nobody seems to understand, they all try to disprove my worries instead of listening. So I'm super skeptical if I'll find one. Otherwise, if I don't, I feel like I was honestly happier when I didn't try to talk about this stuff, so I'll probably just go back to that 🤷‍♂️

@Anonymous I am sorry that you have been through all this alone. Try to book appointment with a therapist of your own belief so it will be easy for you to open up. Try to relax and then tell them about your depression or ocd. Hope you find a good therapist who should understand you and give you the right advice and medication

@anaa My current therapist is my religion, but they don't agree with certain beliefs, at least not in the same way -- or, they try to downplay them to me. I can't find anyone who shares my perspective. And if I can't talk about what's going on with me and feel heard, idk if I want to carry any conversation, honestly. It's not like not talking has ever hurt anybody -- it probably wouldn't make a real difference

@Anonymous I can feel what you are going through. Its hard not to be understood

@anaa How have things been going? Also, thanks again for being there when I needed to talk

@Anonymous Things for me are hard sometime. I am going through constant ups and down in my life. Some days are better but othet days my anxiety just gets worse. I just want to live a happy life. And u welcome dear. I will always try to be here for anyone who want someone to talk to. Sharing things ease our burden a bit. How are you doing nowwadays?

@anaa I haven't been as bad as I was before in general tbh, but that's because I've distracted myself from the thoughts and went to college last semester for a change of scenery; when I let myself ruminate on my fears again, the bad feelings come back. I also have ups and downs from time to time -- and the "downs" can hit pretty hard. I wish that my life was happy too. And I agree -- sharing things really helps us! :)

@Anonymous I wish you have a happy life ahead with no worries at all😊

@anaa That's a lot to wish for lol. But I wish the same for you, dude!

Yeah, I get that. I don't find many instances where I find someone who understands me. In fact, in regards to one obsession, sometimes I'll find someone who agrees in part, but still disagrees largely with me, but that's it. I can't think of a time where people just listened -- at least not for very long before giving me their opinions. Even when they start to validate my thoughts and feelings, it still hurts; my perspective isn't exactly "peachy"

@Anonymous Do you often find that people “relate” by just quoting or miming what they’ve heard in pop psychology, pop culture, or an amalgamation of that and their own feelings, rather than listening all the way and *then* trying to see if they relate? It’s almost like people “care” or even “help” by trying too hard to relate.

@oldin Could you elaborate on that before I give an answer please?

@Anonymous Sure. In a really common, basic sense, it’s like people who say they or their actions are “so OCD” or “so ADD” - but I’ve had people do that not as a standalone comment, but as a “me too!” kind of thing when I’m trying to open up. It feels dismissive instead of understanding. A slightly more complex type of example is when talking about depression and anxiety (not as a cause but as symptoms) - many consider themselves to understand because they have experienced basic human stressors. A complex example would be a counselor who assumes/projects/attributes thoughts or emotions to you that are commonly tied to the disorder or struggles that you have associated with you (in their mind or in yours or on paper). For example I have a highly treatment resistant (medicinally) case of comorbid ADHD and OCD. Many people I see will attribute symptoms of one to the other, and will rely on their own “autocomplete” instead of hearing me out or asking questions. I am kind of struggling to translate my experience and thoughts here into words, so I hope that some of this makes sense. I know that this isn’t paranoid behavior as I’ve talked about it with my psychiatrist of 4 years, who is one of the very few who does actually listen.

@oldin That's some pretty complex stuff, and some big words (that's a compliment), but I think I get it. Fortunately, I don't have people telling me they're "so OCD" -- when people tell me they have OCD, they actually have it. However, I will have people who say they understand when I don't believe they do, and I don't feel like they spend a lot of time listening. And oftentimes people will jump to conclusions before hearing me out; and I think people should be "quick to listen and slow to speak" -- which I'm not 100% sure what the original quote means from the Bible, but to me I feel like that could also definitely apply to listening to our friends and neighbors fully before giving our opinions and thoughts on topics, especially ones like this. Personally, I think empathy is pretty awesome when you can find it, but sympathy is also pretty epic, and I just sort of want people to spend the time to listen, you know? That's all I'm really asking... And it's okay if I don't fully understand your situation, or if you can't fully describe it either -- I know it can be hard to describe, so I'll listen where I can and won't stop caring where I can't. I know there's nothing I can do to "fix" your struggles. But I think I understood pretty well what you were saying, correct me if I'm wrong. I'll personally desperately try to explain my situation with others, and when I can't make my situation across, they won't understand and I'll still feel alone. It's like my efforts are in vain. And it really doesn't help that the only way I can think to explain myself has dual meanings, one that isn't so true and one that is widely accepted but just doesn't make people so sad like it does me, so even talking to people who should probably agree with me, they always argue with me. I'm not sure if I should keep talking about my issues or just go back to keeping it internally like I did when I was happie -- I feel like I was healthier mentally back then. Societally, it's hard for them to admit negative things to others struggling anyways.

@Anonymous I think you understand exactly what I mean and vice versa. I really resonate with your reply here.

@oldin Yeah. I think recently I just wanna feel heard. But whenever I bring up what I'm feeling down about, I start to feel less heard. I'm Christian and it's about some religious things, thinking God sees some more special than others, like Israelites, and mostly all I do is repeat the same verses and things that I hear from them, and they spend a ton of time trying to disprove me instead of listening. And a lot of time I don't even think they understand what I'm really trying to say because of dual meanings. I even went anonymous once and talked about it as if it were a friend who was Jewish who felt that non-Jews were loved more and when I brought up the same verses and thoughts I would normally say, they were met with a much different reaction, and they agreed with me more. Sometimes I just feel down and want someone to listen though... Wish I had such a person in my life.

@Anonymous I tend to have better luck, too, when speaking anonymously but that almost never ends up with a lasting conversation or further conversations. Plus the more you talk to someone the less anonymous it really is. To be honest, I think these days I can barely bring myself to talk to people unless I pretend I’m more agreeable or optimistic than I really am. I can’t even post or comment online even like on reddit. Can barely ever send a text or email. Yet before and now I strongly hope for the same thing you do. I honestly can’t believe I’m even using this app, but besides commenting on here lately I have literally talked (mostly in my head) to stuffed animals to feel heard. I feel ashamed and silly, and have never admitted it except to my now-ex-partner, but it is so hard living the irony of being so alone when not literally being alone.

@oldin Every time I talk to people, anonymous or not, usually conversations don't last very long it seems. And I get having to be more agreeable. I sorta started to learn that from my dad, he practically makes me just say "yep, ok, I agree" in nearly every conversation. But yeah, other people cemented that for talking about my current feelings. If I say something that makes them worry, they won't want to leave until I say I'm okay, and even though I'm not, I know I'll still feel bad no matter how long the conversation goes and I'll just be keeping them. It doesn't help that I'm pessimistic and even nihilistic. I think in general I'm more submissive than I want to be, or than I ought to be. I care too much about how others see me, I think. And I probably shouldn't be using this app for a few reasons tbh... should probably focus on my in-person relationships, but idk I'm drawn to seek someone who listens (which I don't feel I have, even though I know the people in my life do still care to some extent I think), even though I don't find it and I know there is no person out there that will ever understand how I feel all the time, no spouse or partner can do that all the time either, right? I don't talk to stuffed animals (and it's not too silly to me, sounds like something I would try), but I talk to myself through journaling, and I prayed to God about it, but for some reason I feel unheard when I talk to God, and I feel unheard when I even journal to myself. I get to feeling all choked up. I agree with the irony; like dehydration on the sea. I don't even know what the root of the problem is. Should I not be searching for someone to listen? Is confiding a compulsion? Do others make me feel unheard or is it me? Am I more heard than I feel? Idk...

@oldin I'm also curious, I know I said a few things about this already, but how do you feel about hearing me talk about Christianity, God, and how God seems to see Israelites and non-Israelites? And I tend to be bothered by it quite a bit, like every day. For a little more context, feel free to see my bio. I just want to know before I overstep some boundary or something 😅

@Anonymous And feel free to not answer that, if you don't want to. I know that probably sounds like an odd question. And don't worry about offending me either way! :)

@Anonymous Hey, I’m sorry for taking a really long time to respond. I’ve pretty much spent the past two months panicking because my partner moved out after almost 10 years together, and I don’t have a job and have let my fear and panic freeze me instead of getting things done to get more work. My car was broken into and disabled and I can’t afford to fix it still. So I haven’t opened this app, or social media, or a video game, or anything because I felt guilt about not doing what I knew I was supposed to be doing (applying for jobs etc).

@Anonymous I think I know exactly what you mean about conversations - my dad was the same way, though I had to cut him out of my life a few years ago after I learned some pretty terrible things about him. You put things exactly the right way imo as far as talking to others about things. I feel exactly what your words mean to me, at least. And I wonder those questions you have at the end of that reply too…

@Anonymous Replying separately again since I can’t add new lines still (might need to update the app tbh). I don’t mind talking about religion at all, I would honestly be interested in your perspective. My relationship with God is difficult to be honest, I grew up raised Catholic and some things stuck with me (like a strong sense of where my morals lie) and some things really pushed me away from the church as I got older. I used to lie awake and worry and wonder so much about some of the things I read or was taught and I guess at some point I just pushed it all away. I still pray and am trying to figure out what I believe and how I fit into things in the world. Same here though, let me know if anything I’d say wouldn’t be appropriate for our conversation.

@Anonymous And as to your last message, I am a 30 year old man myself. If you were hoping for a different answer and would prefer to talk to someone else I understand. And if it’s any concern I am not at all offended by the assumption. My mom and sister and (now-ex, I guess) fiancee are my closest inspirations, and I have always identified more with their empathy and emotional rationality rather than my father’s complete opposite. When I was growing up TV and kids and plenty of adults around me were still saying that having emotions and empathy and being caring were “too feminine” or “gay” and it took me a long time to figure out that that was a decent part of why I had trouble connecting with some of the other guys my age.

@Anonymous Thank you for your kind words, I’m glad you are still on here! I did read everything, and hopefully have caught up now. (:

@Anonymous Oh one last thing, you mentioned you had something on your mind but that was almost 2mo ago. I hope you found someone to talk to about it or found some peace with it. If you’d still like to talk about it, I am glad to try to help or at least listen if you are comfortable with me being male. If so we can chat on here or direct message (idk if this app has that yet or if I’m allowed to post one tho).

@Anonymous Damn, ironically that’s actually a great compliment! I don’t feel awkward about it at all, in fact it helps against the ever persistent thoughts that there’s always, everywhere, something wrong with me, if that makes any sense. Those thoughts have been a bit worse since the breakup tbh, but I have had a fear of talking online too for like 5 years now. I’m sorry for any embarrassment but seriously applaud you for being straightforward about it! I have been in the same situation on the internet once before and just ghosted the other person out of my own fear and embarrassment, then felt guilty of course afterwards! So no apologies necessary haha. And as for what you mentioned after that sounds great, I’d like to extend the same offer out to you, and would be glad to listen anytime.

@oldin I'm sorry if I offended you

@Anonymous Not at all. I hope you don’t feel too bad about it

@oldin I'm glad I didn't offend you, then!

@Anonymous And I hope I haven’t offended you either

@oldin Nah, nothing you said was offensive in any way :)

@oldin How have things been going?