If I wrote a short story, and it was easily triggering, should I post it? Or would this be a bad platform for short stories, do you think? Also, I think it might be one that's harder for most people to relate to.
I’d listen! Just label it as triggering and make sure to give it the appropriate topic labels as well!
Since I know the notifications for community posts has been off recently, I figured to send this reply directly to your comment to notify you about my final update I just posted on this thread.
@Anonymous - Thanks! Ill check it out when I can!
I'd read. Is there something you'd want to gain from doing this for yourself? If so, I'm all in
I don't know, actually... If so, probably the only thing I could gain would come from the actual writing; the posting of it would just be for you guys, mostly. Maybe it would also be a good story representation of how I'm feeling too? Maybe it could help explain my feelings to others? But it's mostly just a creative outlet. However, I'm skeptical as to how helpful it would be as a coping skill for myself. I've tried journaling before, and much like when I try confiding in others my problems, I end up feeling empty after journaling and like I am unheard even when I talk to myself. Maybe it's mostly just a creative outlet of my suffering, idk really... I guess I'll see how it goes
@Anonymous Nothing wrong with trying. Life is trial and error and everything is uncertain. Why not give it a go
Since I know the notifications for community posts has been off recently, I figured to send this reply directly to your comment to notify you about my final update I just posted on this thread.
I would say post em.. I would love to read.. ppl have to be responsible for themselves so if you put a trigger warning & they still read & use it as a ‘new obsession’ it’s not on you.. anyone can google stuff until they find new ways to obsess if they want so don’t worry about that part.. no one is forcing them to read..
Since I know the notifications for community posts has been off recently, I figured to send this reply directly to your comment to notify you about my final update I just posted on this thread.
UPDATE: I finished my Short Story, which I titled "To Choose A Spouse" (I'm not married to the name -- and you can excuse that pun XD) and I just posted it with the tags for Relationship OCD and Existential OCD. I also added the following Trigger Warning: "BIG TRIGGER WARNING! Relationship and Existential OCD triggers, this may also include new concepts that could become obsessions, so only read if you feel you are seriously ready to. It's alright if you don't think you should read this, just do what you think is right for you!" I also added the following information at the top of that post: "This story goes over a series of possibilities of if a person got married to different people, and puts into perspective the concept that there could be multiple different but equally good options for someone to get married to rather than one "soulmate" out there for a person and puts into question the extent that it matters in choosing one person over another." I don't mind whether anyone chooses to read the story or not; again, this is primarily for myself, but I don't mind sharing it. If you want to read the short story, you may look for it in the Community Posts. Here is a link to it as well: https://nocd.page.link/vc5DDPxQ7MYQjifS6 This is the last update I will be posting on this thread, whether or not I post any more short stories in the future. Thank you all for your support! Good luck to all of us in our recovery! :)
I'll let you guys know if I decide to post them. They can get pretty confusing, though -- they deal with existential obsessions, and one gets sorta deep into relationship OCD as well. And there'd be some pretty big Trigger Warnings on them because they are things people might not have thought before but might become a new obsession on accident, and I wouldn't want that to happen! I'm writing these first for myself primarily, but I could post them as well. I'd think something along the lines of some depressing short stories/plays from way back when.
I just posted my final update below in this thread! :)
I'll reply here either way to update you all on whether or not I am going to post the story(s) :)
I just posted my final update below in this thread! :)
I have a lot of thoughts about the universe, and they’re overwhelming—like being caught in a rip current, except it’s all inside my head. Most of the time, they’re about how small we are, how there really isn’t a “we” because our bodies aren’t truly ours—we’re just bacteria, cells, and microbes. The thoughts spiral, deeper and deeper, smaller and smaller, coiling until suddenly, I’m pulled under, drowning in a whirlpool. I’ve never felt like this before, and I’m convinced I’ve been faking it somehow. For the past few weeks, my OCD has been worse than it’s ever been in my 20 years of life. Or maybe I’m just more aware of it now. Has anyone else had their OCD suddenly get really bad? Does it ever end—if it even can? I’ve convinced myself that my intrusive thoughts aren’t actually intrusive, that my OCD is a choice, and that everything I do is intentional. As for compulsions, I don’t have the typical “If I don’t do ____ then ____ will happen” kind of thoughts. Instead, my brain simply commands, “Do ____,” and I always give in. It’s so loud in my head, and I can’t shake the feeling that I’m an imposter. Like I don’t belong here—like my presence on this app is an intrusion, invalidating everyone else’s struggles just by downloading it and daring to post. If anyone feels that way, if you think I’m intruding, I’m sorry. I only came here because I have no one to share my diagnosis with. Pouring my thoughts out, hoping someone might understand, feels less suffocating than journaling. Journaling is like letting a wound fester—each word burying the thoughts deeper, leaving them to decay in silence, for nobody to ever read but myself.
**TMI Warning: This post is very personal and might be uncomfortable for some.** I’m feeling panicked and need to get this out. I have intrusive thoughts that make me question my morals, especially about consent. I have a CNC preference (consent to non-consent), but I feel so conflicted because I know how horrifying and heartbreaking real non-consensual acts are. The thought of anyone suffering in that way is so awful, yet I get thoughts that feel like I’m justifying the real thing—the immoral thing. Sometimes, I feel like I have to focus hard just to truly condemn it, and that terrifies me. It’s hard to separate these thoughts from who I am, and I’m scared it means something terrible about me. I feel so much shame for having a CNC preference. I know it’s rooted in consent, but I feel like I’ve never had certainty that I fully condemn the real thing. I’m scared that deep down, I might think it’s all the same.
It’s been 4 years. 4 years since I spiralled into a world controlled by rituals of 4, it started as 2, then 3, then 4 - my safe number. The amount of times I wash my hands after touching something dirty and how many repeats it takes until I feel ‘clean’, the amount of taps I make when closing doors to make sure I don’t ‘die’, the amount of times I rinse cutlery and plates before eating off them, the amount of times I disinfect things. My OCD subtype is contamination and I know 2020 lockdowns and the pandemic caused it to spiral but what started as a small ritual quickly became bigger until I no longer remembered what my life was like without the obsessive thoughts of germs and contamination. Could that person be ill? What if I go outside to the shops and someone makes me sick? You can’t answer the door to get that package from the delivery driver because he might make you sick, oh you can’t put the shopping away without disinfecting it first - what if someone has coughed on it? ‘I’ve got to wear gloves to do that’ I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. For 4 years I’ve lived like this, the ‘I don’t want to touch that’ or ‘I can’t go to this place because I don’t want to get ill and die’ ‘can you go do that for me as I don’t think I can right now’ - I know my OCD is irrational, I know the likelihood of those things actually happening are slim to none and I know my OCD stems from a need of control in my life because for so many years I felt like everything in my life was out of my control. But no matter how much I know of how many books I read, how many mindful practices I do the panic I feel after being ‘exposed’ or before exposing myself to a trigger is horrible. I’ve avoided and avoided and avoided to the point where something small now seems and feels like an impossible mountain to climb. It often feels like there isn’t light at the end of the tunnel on the dark days, when I know there is, it’s just going to take some time. Despite this on the outside to those not in my circle my life is a whole picture perfect painting. I run my own business, have a nice car, a nice house, a happy relationship and the of best friends and I’m so grateful for all those things but the reality is much different - behind closed doors and hidden in the closest is the OCD monster. I’ve decided now, after 4 years it’s time to change. I’m breaking the cycle and starting anew. The irony that 4 is my safe number too and it’s been 4 years since things started to get dark. I’m ready to lose control and find myself again. Why am I writing this? Honestly, I really don’t know. I found this app recently and hope it can be a help for my ERP practices I’ve been practicing on my own and it’s actually the first time I’ve ever openly posted or spoken about my OCD to date. For years I have lived with a huge amount of shame and embarrassment, hiding my issues from everyone - even my closest friends have no idea how much it impacts my day to day. I’ve felt shame as I can’t control my own mind despite knowing the thoughts are irrational and the rituals only provide temporary relief but each day again and again the safety blanket of the rituals wraps me up and takes over. The only person who truly knows how much it affects me is my partner, who has been by my side through it all, he’s burnt out and has seen first hand the impact it has had on me, my life and my happiness. I’ve sheltered him as much as I can, but I’m sure those who are in relationships with OCD can relate to the burnout their partner feels day in day out. So that’s my story, I hope those going through similar can take comfort in this and know they aren’t alone in it all as my OCD has made me feel so incredibly lonely, isolated and empty for 4 years too long. It feels freeing to finally share my monster and I hope I can connect with others who are on a similar journey to me. The biggest thing I want to be able to do again? I want to be able to hug my loved ones without feeling triggered, I want to go outside and enjoy life without worry, I want to live again. This app has made me feel seen for the first time in a long time and reading your stories, your experiences and how you’re coping is comforting, encouraging and makes me feel less alone ❤️ thank you for reading x
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