I’m due a smear test tomorrow. I’m also getting std testing because my relationship anxiety makes me constantly paranoid i had a std I didn’t know about (despite always having clean results) which would result in him thinking I cheated when I didn’t, and leave me. I’m more worried about the std result than the smear. Basically my man leaving is scarier to me than cancer

Good luck with all those tests! You can see how OCD can shift our priorities, haha. Your anxiety and stress makes your relationship even more central in your thought processes than it would be without OCD. I don't have relationship anxiety, but I do experience elements of it as part of my HOCD (I guess in your case, yoy experience elements of health anxiety within your ROCD...?) It all sounds like a real nightmare, especially when it's so irrational! I hope that everything works out okay and that you're all good and healthy. ?

I had std tests a week ago which were clear but I had mild uti symptoms so now I’m FREAKING THENFUCK OUT it is an STD that waited to sneak on me to ruin my relationship

Oh gosh ahah, a sneaky sneaky uti But tbf I don't think that would ruin your relationship. And the symptoms are 'mild' so that doesn't mean much. I know it's hard but try not to overthink it. The issue here is your obsession/anxiety disorder, not your sexual health!

I’m going to explode I CANNOT lose him

Awh I know that feeling too, I really wouldn't want to lose my boyfriend. The thing is, you and I both know we don't want to lose our relationships, but we react to that differently. For you, it's maybe an obsession or a source of anxiety, so you are terrified that something bad might happen or that he might leave or something - whereas I don't have that particular form of anxiety, so in my relationship I don't have constant obsessions about the idea of it ending. I still hope it won't end, obviously, but I can enjoy my relationship without spending every waking moment panicking about what would happen if I didn't have it! I think maybe it would be helpful for you to chat with your boyfriend about this? Chances are he'll be able to help. And I'm not sure if you're having therapy or not, but it might be an idea to try some exposure excercises. Getting better will be a struggle and it will cause soooo much anxiety at first, but it will definitely be worth it in the end when you can relax and enjoy your relationship without any obsessions about STIs etc.

But if I bring it back up he will get suspicious- he knew I was a bit obsessed a few months ago and when I said o was worried about things like old test results being false negatives etc he said “be careful not to open an unnecessary can of worms because I’m prone to thinking like that too” (he’s had health anxiety in the past and gets it, but he’s human and doesn’t wanna doubt me) He still says sometimes I’ve not been myself for months which worries me too - what if he loses interest before I can regain my old self?

Why can’t my fucking brain just WORK He’s the best thing to happen to me in a long long time and I’m scared of losing him

They refused to do the STD tests ?

It sounds like he's worried about you, because of course he knows you're feeling anxious. He's not losing interest if he's worried! Are you having therapy? It might be a big help. And oh, haha, how come they refused?

They were just like nah you had negative ones a week ago you don’t need more

Ah yep that makes a lot of sense lol

Well that proves to you that it's an irrational worry at least