Struggling bad

i am nearly constantly extremely anxious and i don't want to live like this. my family and friends are so done dealing with me to the point that i feel that i'd be better off completely alone. every small twinge or pain in my body sends me into a panic, and if it's not that it's something else i manage to be worrying over. i'm fairly certain my stress has caused an ulcer to form. i try to sit with myself and not seek reassurance/check myself for issues but it is genuinely agonizing at times. most days i sleep 12-14 hours a day because it gets to a point that i cannot deal with it anymore and i take something to sleep. sometimes i do feel that i would be better off just not around so i wouldn't have to feel this any longer. i do a lot of unhealthy things to cope (drinking, smoking, and otc sleeping pills being the main culprits) and those habits end up hurting me in the long run and making me more anxious. i do have a counselor and she is great but i'm having a really hard time finding a medication provider under my insurance. i really really do want to get better because this is the most miserable i have ever been and i hate being like this and exhausting myself and the people around me. i've been told a big part of the healing process is to make yourself sit with your thoughts and deal with the uncertainty and fear as it comes, but it feels torturous to do that. sometimes reading through these posts does make me feel better knowing that i'm not alone but lately i have been unable to pull myself out of this frantic state. what are some healthier ways to cope/distract yourself that you guys find to be at least semi-effective? i am genuinely willing to try anything to make this terrible feeling go away

I feel horrible! My anxiety over my obsessive thoughts is 10/10 right now and no matter what I try, I cannot seem to relax my body and mind. I had my 2nd therapy apt this morning. I watched a support group this evening, took a walk, did a 20 minute Prgressive muscle relaxation video, sat in the hottub, nothing is making my thoughts less intense. My stomach has been in knots for days and it’s only been getting worse. I have been trying to accept my anxiety and reason and let my thoughts stay all day they still have me super wound up.

I had my first serious anxiety related episode back in April and then once in May. My husband had lost his job due to health reasons and spent six weeks looking for work before he finally found something. It was up to me delivering for spark to make the bills. The stress built up and in May I had a panic attack that put me in the hospital. I started Sertraline, had some rough side effects but still noticed a positive change in the anxiety. I still felt crappy every day, but less and less crappy, if that makes sense. (Nausea, heart palpitations, weak, anxious). The month of June was great, no huge panic moments, no racing heart, etc. In one day I went out of town by myself, drove on the interstate, (that’s always scared me), went to the dentist and took my son out to lunch and dined in. It was great. The next day, I argued with my teen all day, it exhausted me and I was dreading spending an hour that evening talking to my therapist. I was just too tired, you know? About twenty minutes before the appointment my anxiety ramped up. Racing heart, trembling, feelings of dread. Normally I can get it under control with breathing techniques but I didn’t have time to before my appointment. Luckily my therapist had overbooked and called me to cancel, so I just rested for the rest of the night, but that’s been six days ago and I’ve struggled ever since. The day after that I was weak and shaky and could feel my heart beat, the day after that I was tired and really beating myself up for what felt like a failure to me, and the last couple days it’s been on and off heart palpitations (my heart rate isn’t going up high, I’m just super aware of my heart beat) and it’s very uncomfortable. My family keeps telling me it’s because I’m stuck in my head and I know that’s true because I spent hours outside in the heat doing garden work yesterday and instead of feeling even worse I felt amazing for the rest of the night and I’ve felt pretty good for most of today. So I know in my head that anxiety recovery isn’t linear and that anxiety hangovers are a real thing and that i just have to be patient for a few days after an attack, but sometimes it’s so hard to think like that when I’m in the middle of feeling so crappy and shaky and weak. Does anyone else feel discouraged like this sometimes? Is what I just described similar to anything anyone else has experienced? If so, what were some coping techniques you used?