Giving up
Extremely close to giving up and throwing in the towel, dealt with 24/7 intrusive thoughts since March, done ERP therapy, cold showers, gym, diet changes, medication, work. However I can’t find the motivation to get out of bed today, life surely can’t be this miserable forever 😟 contemplating ending it all
Hi there, Your post particularly resonates with me as I have gone through something very similar. I used to wake up and have my mind flooded by intrusive thoughts. I was just living to get through the day, hoping I could make it to the next. I wasn’t think in terms of weeks, months, or years. I was thinking: how can I get through this day without these intrusive thoughts taking over my mind? I did the same thing as you - ERP, gym, diet, meditation, etc. What is so hard to realize, and took so long for me, is that these thoughts have absolutely no reflection of who you are. Any intrusive thought you can think of I bet I’ve had. I just want you to know that you can get better. There’s going to be a time when you wake up and start your day and realize that you’ve gone the whole morning without an intrusive thought. You just gotta keep doing what you’re doing. These things take time. Unwiring the brain from OCD patterns does not happen overnight - but that is also the beauty of it. Once you overcome this hard period in your life, you’ll realize that you can overcome anything life throws at you. And that’s not to say that you won’t have intrusive thoughts anymore - I certainly still have them…but they no longer consume my life. You’re right, life surely cannot be this miserable forever. Choose life today. Choose uncertainty. Your life is precious and no thought will take that away from you. -Aidan
Mine are worse
I've been dealing with intrusive thoughts since March myself. I feel it's so hard because we are trying our best not to give in to them. Keep doing your ERP. Text your therapist if you need to. There are days we don't feel like getting up. Try to do the next thing. You may just take a shower today (warm one) or make yourself something to eat, or go from bed to couch or chair, but that's something. I know it's hard. And unbearable at times. Please hang onto the towel...🫂
Have you had bloodwork done to rule out vitamin deficiency or hormonal issues/thyroid?
Dr. Paul Conti......please don't give up. This man was very helpful . I listened to him speak on a podcast wi Dr Andrew Huberman on mental health. It changed my life.
It gets better! I had intrusive thoughts for years before i figured out what was going on! I still have them now but I deal with them better. Keep pushing everyday
This resonates so hard with me. Thank u for sharping your thoughts it made me feel so much less alone. It is horrible I am scared all the time, last night I had one of the worst depressive episodes of my life. I have been working on this for a while but recently I just started doing rigorous erp exercises and it is so hard. I am really depressed and struggling every thing feels so overwhelming no matter what I do. But what keeps me going is my loved ones. They love u so much even if somethings your brain tells u otherwise. I would reach out to them for support. It is okay to be vulnerable and it is okay to ask for help. I feel so depressed right now but I am holding on to the hope it gets better. Life is worth fighting for, we will be okay. Just try to get through today that’s all u need to do.
It won’t be this miserable forever, but I’m sorry you have to deal with what you’re dealing with until then. There’s always things you can change and implement to really improve but there’s no one silver bullet other than perhaps time and patience. Please stay strong and hang in there, something I have learned is that people can actually recover beyond their wildest hopes, they just have to stick it out and have faith that the sun will rise even when the night is long. You got this mate. Best wishes.
*venting* I’m so tired of life. I just woke up, and I feel like going back to bed and sleep until this nightmare passes. This week has been one of the hardest of my life. I don’t think I can face another day of intrusive thoughts, fear, anxiety. I need some moments of relief, but there are none. I wanna have a life again. Anxiety and obsessive thoughts have killed my social life, my ambitions and desires, my happiness. I’ve been fighting for the past 6 months for nothing. I don’t see any improvement. I’m on day 3 of Lexapro and of course i can’t tell if it’s gonna work for me or not. I’m on the first stages of ERP therapy and I still haven’t got any assigned homework to work on, which I really need because I need to feel like I’m doing SOMETHING to help myself with ocd and Gad. I just hope someone could just take out whatever part of my brain isn’t working properly and replace it with a new piece. I don’t wanna feel like a burden to my family or boyfriend anymore. I can’t believe all the damage that I’m causing. I don’t know what to do with all this self hate. I don’t know where to turn to. I seem to have all the help that one could need - therapy, medication, support system. Yet I feel like I can’t spend another day living like this.
I feel suicidal. I’m aware that ERP will help me deal with the anxiety and function better while alive, but the thought of battling with these thoughts forever makes we want to check out. Why keep going? I feel like I’m living a double life where I’m a monster half the time until I “sober up” (I don’t drink) why keep going?
it angers me beyond belief that this is my brain, I’m fucking sick and tired of going through this shit alone or burdening my parents with my panic, I do all the dam ERP in the world and this panic still ain’t stopping, I’m fucking through with this shit, I hear people all the time say your not trying hard enough or ERP takes time, well I’ve been doing ERP my whole fucking 22 years of being on this planet and the panic hasn’t stopped, and yes I’ve been to about 20 therapists, I probably have a file on me as big as a dissertation about all my dam thoughts, I’ve seen many psychiatrists, been on many meds, tried to start TMS, couldn’t go through with it because of my thoughts, I can barely blink without my thoughts screaming at me like a drill instructor, I’m socially isolated because the pandemic and I’m losing hope, all anyone tells me is your not trying hard enough with ERP, or your improving, without any evidence to back up said claim when in fact the opposite is true, I’ve declined. I’m trying so fucking hard just to wake up, I’m sorry, I really am, but this is just unreasonable, you wouldn’t go up to a cancer patient and say work harder, put me on the right meds or give me euthanasia because it’s not ok how the system treats people with OCD
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