Extremely close to giving up and throwing in the towel, dealt with 24/7 intrusive thoughts since March, done ERP therapy, cold showers, gym, diet changes, medication, work. However I can’t find the motivation to get out of bed today, life surely can’t be this miserable forever 😟 contemplating ending it all
Hi there, Your post particularly resonates with me as I have gone through something very similar. I used to wake up and have my mind flooded by intrusive thoughts. I was just living to get through the day, hoping I could make it to the next. I wasn’t think in terms of weeks, months, or years. I was thinking: how can I get through this day without these intrusive thoughts taking over my mind? I did the same thing as you - ERP, gym, diet, meditation, etc. What is so hard to realize, and took so long for me, is that these thoughts have absolutely no reflection of who you are. Any intrusive thought you can think of I bet I’ve had. I just want you to know that you can get better. There’s going to be a time when you wake up and start your day and realize that you’ve gone the whole morning without an intrusive thought. You just gotta keep doing what you’re doing. These things take time. Unwiring the brain from OCD patterns does not happen overnight - but that is also the beauty of it. Once you overcome this hard period in your life, you’ll realize that you can overcome anything life throws at you. And that’s not to say that you won’t have intrusive thoughts anymore - I certainly still have them…but they no longer consume my life. You’re right, life surely cannot be this miserable forever. Choose life today. Choose uncertainty. Your life is precious and no thought will take that away from you. -Aidan
Mine are worse
I've been dealing with intrusive thoughts since March myself. I feel it's so hard because we are trying our best not to give in to them. Keep doing your ERP. Text your therapist if you need to. There are days we don't feel like getting up. Try to do the next thing. You may just take a shower today (warm one) or make yourself something to eat, or go from bed to couch or chair, but that's something. I know it's hard. And unbearable at times. Please hang onto the towel...🫂
Have you had bloodwork done to rule out vitamin deficiency or hormonal issues/thyroid?
Dr. Paul Conti......please don't give up. This man was very helpful . I listened to him speak on a podcast wi Dr Andrew Huberman on mental health. It changed my life.
It gets better! I had intrusive thoughts for years before i figured out what was going on! I still have them now but I deal with them better. Keep pushing everyday
This resonates so hard with me. Thank u for sharping your thoughts it made me feel so much less alone. It is horrible I am scared all the time, last night I had one of the worst depressive episodes of my life. I have been working on this for a while but recently I just started doing rigorous erp exercises and it is so hard. I am really depressed and struggling every thing feels so overwhelming no matter what I do. But what keeps me going is my loved ones. They love u so much even if somethings your brain tells u otherwise. I would reach out to them for support. It is okay to be vulnerable and it is okay to ask for help. I feel so depressed right now but I am holding on to the hope it gets better. Life is worth fighting for, we will be okay. Just try to get through today that’s all u need to do.
It won’t be this miserable forever, but I’m sorry you have to deal with what you’re dealing with until then. There’s always things you can change and implement to really improve but there’s no one silver bullet other than perhaps time and patience. Please stay strong and hang in there, something I have learned is that people can actually recover beyond their wildest hopes, they just have to stick it out and have faith that the sun will rise even when the night is long. You got this mate. Best wishes.
i want to get this out of the way; i’m not suicidal. i’m a 17 y/o guy whose been living with OCD for what i assume is most of my life despite only getting the diagnoses last year. i’ve been hustling on despite my mental health really consuming my life to moments in time where i question my sanity and self control. it’s the lack of control that really kills me with this disorder. each day i wake up, it’s the same persistent reminders; it’s the same meaningless conversations replaying; it’s the same small rituals that just barely let me breathe before the thoughts return. nothing i do is gonna stop that unbearable monogamy where i have to sit back and let my eyes be peeled open; i don’t know how to live with that. no pill has worked on me, and any response i give the thoughts just make them worse. right now i’m trying to just sit through it and not care. don’t let it effect me emotionally; try not to feel the discomfort. then it starts to manifest into physical pain where i feel the bones of my chest have this pressure—like staples entering them at the rhythm of a heart beat. i’m getting though this, but i’m not enjoying my life when doing so. i don’t know if i have a future where it isn’t just this repeating through the process of each day. i don’t want to spend the rest of my life avoiding the one thing i’m supposed to have control over. i also don’t want to drown my days in self medicating or get addicted doing so—like i already am. i don’t see the way to make this life of mine work, especially given how much i don’t have to do deal with at my age. of course that will come to. look, i’m not at risk; i really don’t want in anyway to die despite being basically hopeless. i’m numb to the pain of it, i don’t feel anything in my desire to escape these cycles, i just need an out. i’m not seeing a way to move forward. i’m willing to hear anything.
I’m trying to do ERP therapy, but I keep thinking my subtype of ocd is the worst there ever is. I tried going on a walk tonight and the adrenaline in my body along with the shakes and the burning in my chest got so overwhelming. I felt like I was just about to lay down in the gutter along the sidewalk. I’m not trying to be super negative. I just don’t know what to do anymore. If it’s not one thing it’s another and I just wanna cry so bad and I want it to go away but it won’t I almost feel like I have to call a crisis line or something even right now while I’m writing this I’m crying so bad. I can’t enjoy a single thing. I joined a support group tonight, but I just feel like I feel so bad for everyone because of how awful it is. I know what I’m writing right now doesn’t make a lot of sense but I just don’t know what to do anymore. Part of me wants to quit ERP therapy so bad cause I don’t think it’s gonna ever help. if anyone has any advice or suggestions, that would be greatly appreciated.
(21+ ONLY PLEASE: TRIGGER WARNING) I’m just so sick of it. I’m letting it win. I’m letting it beat me. I’m losing. I’ve been seeing a therapist but we only meet every two weeks for an hour because of my insurance. I can’t afford any more visits. We’ve been working on ERP but I still feel stuck. Just recently, we went through a drive thru and the kid at the window looked really young. I’m afraid that I found him attractive and I felt a groinal at the thought. I f*cking hate my mind. I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’m trying but I still feel like it’s not enough. I’ve let my parents down, my friends and my family. Everyone who knows me doesn’t know the thoughts I have and how sick and disgusted I feel with myself.
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