Mags2002

Date posted: 1y

Feelings SOOCD

I have some things i really struggle with lately and need to know if someone has the same experience 1. I am very calm sometimes if i question like i really question my sexuality 2. I feel not present and it makes me sad 3. My thoughts center specific people especially a girl i did kissed with and had some dates with because i thought maybe it is not ocd but denial so i tried dating girls . This girl is stuck in my head and it frustrates me because i did really try it but never went further with her and she has a girlfriznd and i dont think i am jealous of her. Also i have a rzally nice boyfriend , i want these thoughts with him 4. Wow okay 3 sound like denial fck 5. Sometimes i am like let me fantasize about a girl because maybe i have a hard time accepting and it is not ocd and then i like check or try to like them or not like them i dunno i feel weird Can someone please respond i really need someone to say it is okay

Andreadi

Date posted: 1y

This is my experience rn (except for the date) I’m scared because my thoughts center specific ppl so i’m like “do i have a type”? And also scared i do want to fantasise abt women but don’t want to accept it. I’m here if you want to talk!

Mags2002

Date posted: 1y

Thank you so much , it is so difficult to talk to others because i feel so weird even therapy has been difficult , how are yoj feeling?

Andreadi

Date posted: 1y

@Mags2002 Yeah and some ocd subjects are rly awkward too! I was doing pretty good and not listening to my ocd but i just had a new stressful thought that feels like proof now soo🤷‍♀️ Can’t catch a break

Andreadi

Date posted: 1y

@Mags2002 It’s hard to know if it’s genuine questioning or hocd, so hard to talk to ppl abt it

Mags2002

Date posted: 1y

@Andreadi I feel the same , it is all day, i have now started my dream study in fashion, something that i want since i was 11 and i feel like i cant focus in school , i just want to enjoy my study and relationship, i have had it for 4 years Almost, have it been long for you

Mags2002

Date posted: 1y

@Andreadi Yeah just i feel like accept it already if it is really that , like even saying that i am bi ( what i identify now as because i just think maybe that covers everything and k will stop questionning) it doesnt help , then my brain is screaming no you are à lesbian , break up with your bf (someone i do have genuine attraction for i think?), it is so hard , i dont know what to do anymore , i feel so stuck in a loop

Andreadi

Date posted: 1y

@Mags2002 It’s been since this summer but i had it in 6th grade too

Mags2002

Date posted: 1y

@Andreadi I also had a few days of it when i was younger so it is so difficult , like everything becomes prove

Andreadi

Date posted: 1y

@Mags2002 That sound hard. I would say i identify as unlabelled because even bi feels scary to me… Do you do erp? or just classic therapy ?

Andreadi

Date posted: 1y

@Mags2002 Since when have you had ocd ?

Mags2002

Date posted: 1y

@Andreadi Classic therapy

Mags2002

Date posted: 1y

@Andreadi It started like heavily in lockdown in 2020

Andreadi

Date posted: 1y

@Mags2002 Oh it restarted during the lockdown for me too! Well lemme know if you ever want to talk by whatsapp I’d be glad too, all the best!

Mags2002

Date posted: 1y

@Andreadi That sounds lovely ,maybe insta is easier?

Mags2002

Date posted: 1y

@Andreadi Okay will send send you a message

jtsalazar

Date posted: 1y

It is ok to feel all of this and you are both so strong for opening up. Is your fear more based on how others will perceive you if you allow yourself to feel all of these things openly without judgement?

Mags2002

Date posted: 1y

Thank you for your kind reply and no not really Almost al my friends and family now about my questionkng and that i could be bi , i have lots of queer friends also, even my boyfriend nous about everything , i think right now i fzel more scared because i feel something this feelkng that i need to break up with my bf as i have done lots of times in past relationships to date girls even if i have always after these breakups again dated guys

jtsalazar

Date posted: 1y

@Mags2002 Would there be any possibility or ability for your bf now to consider having an open relationship or to allow you the room to have a strong maybe even platonic close female in your life. Someone who could meet your relationship needs with exception to the intimacy? Do you want to be with your partner or do you feel unsure because you want to be with the opposite sex at the moment?

Mags2002

Date posted: 1y

@jtsalazar There is no opportunity for an open relationship as i know he is not willing to do that and alsl for me i am scared that that will just leave us growing apart , a strong platonic friend is okay , i dont know if that will help but i am trying to take it slow and first figure out where the problem lies, i dont know if i want to be with partner or not i think so yess but there are times i feel i want something else also

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

anyone else?

So I’ve SOOCD since I was in 8 th grade and it got really bad when I had an intrusive thought as to what if I was bi. And ever since then I’ve had self destructive behavior to where I would think the thoughts on purpose or about women and checking them out and flirting with them. ( I identify as straight) and over time these thoughts and self destructive behavior hasn’t bothered me and now they feel apart of me I know apart of it is ocd but also it’s me like me willingly looking at women and me wanting to have sexual thoughts or feel aroused and in reality if I never had ocd I would never think this way I could live without women and never sleeping with them I do have a bf and I love him and am attracted to him rn thought bc of what happened last night with a women it’s hard to feel that can anyone relate?

idkwhatusern...

Date posted: 17w

I’m questioning sexuality even though I’m young

Sort of a rant that probably sounds stupid and I’m kind of seeking reassurance… I’m still a relatively young teenager so I know I’ve got time to work all this out but I’m really confused about my sexuality. (I’m a girl) I’ve never been in a relationship (I don’t know if I want to be which is why I’m writing this) and sometimes I feel like I’ve never really had a crush and I just convinced myself that I did because I wanted to feel normal… but then maybe that’s false memory ocd??? I don’t really want to be in a long term relationship with a guy and idk about girls but idk if that’s just cos of my age??? Some days I hate the idea of ever dating, marrying or doing anything sexual. Other days I wish my mental / physical health was better so I could date someone! Everything I feel goes up and down a lot and idk why!? I have bad sexual intrusive thoughts that make me unsure whether anything that I think is real and my parents recently split up after not getting along for a few years. I don’t know if it’s my age, my ocd, my parents bad relationship, my sexuality (am I attracted to guys, girls? Am I ace!!!!???) Or something else but I have no idea who I am and I KNOW I’m young and have time but some other perspectives might help???? Can I ever be in a relationship if I have ocd like this? Also I’m really struggling not to compulsively seek reassurance and I don’t know who to talk to about all this irl I know I probably shouldn’t share this with random strangers but also idek if I care anymore 😭

Pogoshow

Date posted: 10w

SOOCD

I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments

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