ive had this ' what if im trans' anxiety for such a long period i really feel like am genuinely questioning my gender, i feel really empty. im working with my cbt therapist and atleast thats a plus.

hey , good luck on your transition! Its hard for me because i never questioned myself and felt comfortable and then these thoughts came.

im a biological woman , i changed my icon for erp lol

i hope its not too personal but how did you realize you were transgender?

I'm trans and will be living as my true gender perhaps transitioning as soon as next week. I am so excited! My depression is lifting. I lost over 30 lbs. I have a desire to live now. I know my OCD will rise up to ruin my life's dream to be me but I am very close to launching an ERP attack. This has been a decades long journey for me...stuck in the closet. I'm feel for those who are straight but somehow fall victim to OCD and its distortions. I have severe OCD but my gender identity has nothing to do with this disorder. Well it did in a way: I was scared to do anything about my gender identity and the symptoms of OCD were exacerbated because obsessing and compulsing got my mind off the pain of not coming out and onto things that felt even more urgent. OCD will not get better when I transition but what it will do, what it has already done, is to lift my depression and give me the motivation to live a healthy lifestyle and take on OCD. I may have done some damage to myself because I abused food for so many years. I will learn very soon what my situation is. I hope it's not too late as I took off the weight as I mentioned. That's my story. So much going on with me now!Good luck in dealing with this issue, maddy12.

Thanks, Maddy ? I hesitate to say anything about your situation because I don't know you. I so hope people on your end can help you through this issue. Wherever you end up I support you. It's special to be diverse and it's special to be straight. It's been amazing how much love and support I've gotten on my gender issue, including from an OCD support group I attended many years ago. I came to the realization that I was female in my first year of jr. high school (mtf...male to female). Back in those days there was no support. I didn't even know what to call it. I thought I was the only one and didn't say a word to anyone until I told a counselor in college. Even then I didn't want to deal with it. I'm in my 50s now. I'm a little more over a year into my hormone treatment. I love the changes that are taking place. A lot of preparations have been made for my debut that I hope will happen in the next week or two. I have had experience being out en femme; I am prepared but I must committ to ERP soon because of the anticipated surge of OCD. A few more issues need to be dealt with before the fight for my freedom begins.

It happened in a moment and I never questioned it. It felt exhilarating and then I felt a great sense of shame. I remember the moment so clearly. There's no reason specifically not to tell you what I was doing and what I was thinking at the time, which I think your question is about. I just want to keep it personal. Thanks for asking, though ?