heyy

soo i was on bumble and i matched with this guy and we had things in common but then the idea of "he looks like my brother" came into my mind (my main intrusive thoughts revolve around him) and i freaked out, i started analysing his face lol they probably weren't that similar looking but once i had the idea i can't let it go, and i just couldn't get to keep talking to him, I thought a lot about what to do next and i decided to delete bumble and not talk to him anymore, was that a compulsion? lol i hate thissssss i wanna go back to 2022

steleven

Date posted: 1y

definitely a compulsion

ap_

Date posted: 1y

😿😿I HATE THISSS, thank you for replying<3

httpet

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Hi yes that was a compulsion since you avoided him out of a fear . It’s ok next time you got this!

ap_

Date posted: 1y

hii thank you! so sweet💓💓

Wolfram

Date posted: 1y

See this is an odd one where your compulsion is parallel to average behaviour. The form of avoidance isn't great for ocd but at the same time, why would you date someone who looks like your brother? 😅 I know I wouldn't date someone who looked like my family. Same for most people. Maybe redownload bumble, you don't have to talk to him but use it for ERP so you train yourself not to avoid?

Wolfram

Date posted: 1y

Dont avoid, but also don't date or get in a relationship with someone who looks like your brother as some ERP exercise. I think it's safe to skip that one 🤣

httpet

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Invalid Hi! She doesn’t have to date him, she can just reply to his message and lean into the fact that “maybe I will date him because he looks like my brother guess I’ll never know”! And after that move on and not text him. It’s simply to show her mind that ocd can say what it wants and not control her behavior lol! No one wants to date someone that reminds them/ looks like a relative 😭😭

Wolfram

Date posted: 1y

@httpet I think I get the point your making but this isn't so much intrusive, this is just a normal thought. 😅 I think if youre suggesting they go on, or think about dating someone who looks like their brother to deal with intrusive thoughts isn't the best idea as that can cause problems rather than solve them. If they said EVERYONE reminded them of their brother, yeh this would be applicable 🤣

ap_

Date posted: 1y

@Invalid yup i agree with you, thanks to both of you💓💓

Wolfram

Date posted: 1y

@ap_ No worries. Just remember with ERP to have a goal in mind when doing it, something to gain. If you don't, it's straight up exposure and it's not fun. Made that mistake more than a few times when teaching myself to do it 😅

ap_

Date posted: 1y

@Invalid damn i think I'm doing that mistake every day lol could you give me examples of what kind of goals did you set in your recovery journey?

Wolfram

Date posted: 1y

Well I had 2 big goals. Never let ocd ruin a relationship again, and a big F U to the stats for recovery, I wanted to get better faster than anyone ever has. It was a struggle but you gotta keep pushing. You will fall on your face a few times if you try to do it as fast as I did 😅 and it will hurt, but it's worth it. As for mini goals, anything that pops into your head, you can practice doing ERP as long as you know what you're aiming to gain from it. Think "I'd like to be able to do this and not feel like such and such", then do it. It's different for different things but if you can do it on small things it's all good. Imagine your triggers and random stress factors in your life ring the bell, and then all of a sudden you're in a cage match with your opponent, ocd. If you haven't trained, it's going to be hard to beat it and probably gonna get your ass kicked. Do one small ERP exercise every day, and gradually increase it at whatever rate you want. I did ERP for a phobia and thought I was going to die. Had it for 15ish years and it went in 4 minutes. I went back and challenged it again, still freaked me out but calmed down in 1. Next time I went I wasn't feeling scared at all at first and was like "C'mon! Scare me" then eventually it did because that's where my focus was, I manifested that fear. That was a big learning curve as I didn't need to do that, that was straight up exposure because I was fine 😅 Next time I went no issues at all. It takes practice, and mistakes will be made but they're not mistakes at the same time. Mistakes indicate you know exactly what you're doing and experienced and did a silly 😋. These are learning experiences. How many times in school did you get perfect scores on tests? I'm guessing not a lot, and this is just the same. Real life tests. Practice doesn't make perfect, it makes better

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond