Does anybody ever start to direct your violent and sexual thoughts onto those around you. Like looking at others and thinking what if they are a pedophile.what if they are gay.what if they hate their wife and kill them lol sounds funny saying it now but damn when it happens I get so much anxiety. On top of my hocd being bad all of a sudden lately I cant well feel anything.yesterday I realized that on the 22 of august it will be 8 years since I cuddled with or held anyone close.was a little hard to deal with honestly.have spent my youngest most attractive years alone with thoughts of murder rape paedophilia incest transgenderism being gay being a cannibal( honestly was my favorite one).i obsess over random peoples faces.i have had this one fat ladys face whom I never knew stuck in my head for 2 years now.fuck I dont even know her why do I keep thinking of her. But if you add all of that up along with severe self harm I can say I feel nothing.no kindness, no hope .reading other ocd stories does nothing for me.cant find any reassurance at all. Had liked this girl for 6 years and finally got to see her again like a month ago but once again my ocd makes me have such a bad vibe she hasnt hit me back up once. Sadly this is always the case though I dont think I ever liked the girl this much lol now my hocd is spiking and I cant stop hurting myself.dont want therapy dont want advice just wanna die.and honestly after 10 years of this shit I dont think that getting therapy will all of a sudden make me feel better and then the universe will be like good job buddy here you go heres your new life or heres a part of the old. Everybody I love.and were talking at least 20 people have all moved onto bigger and better things.all dont deal with this.they all have long term relationships or the nice house.or each other .fuck it world dont need me anyway it never has and never will!!!

Catlady

Date posted: 5y

I’m so sorry to hear all this. Please don’t ever give up. I know it’s hard and I know it doesn’t seem it, but there is hope.

ergot25

Date posted: 5y

Do you tell yourself that everytime you get a spike or thought.because that stops working buddy.i guess unlike most people on here I know whats it like to have my compulsions stop temporarily .honestly dude shut the fuck up why are you even on here if your going to post like my shit dont matter. Why are you even on here reading shit if you can't relate.

Aine

Date posted: 2y

Hello person. I know this post is like 4 years old, but I was searching posts with the key word “cannibal” to see if anyone else had this theme and yours came up. I don’t know where you are at today, but I understand the hopelessness you expressed in this post. I’ve had similar thoughts. I’m in my 20’s and have suffered intensely with OCD literally all my life. I dropped out of college twice and now my younger sister will graduate before me. I’ve felt hopeless and beyond help. Suicide has been a thought in my head since I was a kid. Yet I say all this to say that today I saw a therapist who treats OCD for the first time and I suddenly have so much hope. Do I have a new life? No. Am I better? Not at all. Was it just a normal therapy session. Yes, exactly what I was expecting. And yet I feel so hopeful and validated. Life makes a little more sense because someone understood my insanity and suffering. And you are not beyond being understood either. I hope you find an OCD therapist. Even if you have no hope in it. It helps more than you’ll let yourself imagine.

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