Feel like friends would hate me.

Hanging out with friends and got triggered because they were talking about someone who did a similar event to me that they don’t know I did. It made me basically shut down and close myself off. It’s something that I can’t tell them because it involves my gf and she wants me to keep it between us (and I want to respect her wishes). I just feel like a huge fraud. I feel like I don’t even want friends anymore because they won’t know the real me. Idk how to cope. We’re hanging out all day.

Real Events OCD

Ocdgirlie03

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Was it something that went against your morals or is “bad?” If so, We all do those kinds of things sometimes. I have DEFINITELY done things that my friends would disapprove of. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It seems like you and your gf have discussed it, so as you say it is between the two of you, not the opinions of others.

Ocdgirlie03

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Ocdgirlie03 I hope this helps!

garba

Date posted: 1y

@Ocdgirlie03 Yes it was something awful I did. Not even one thing, but a long series of terrible choices. It involves just me and my gf. She has forgiven me and wants me to move on. I’ve been in therapy for it for awhile now and have been doing everything I can to move on. But I’m stuck. I don’t like myself and I don’t think anybody would like me if they knew what I did either. Which is understandable (I don’t even like myself). I’m just sad for my gf for having to be with someone like me. I’ve been withdrawing all day because I feel like they are interacting with a fake version of me. It just makes me want to isolate :( sorry for venting. Thank you for the comment!

Ocdgirlie03

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@enola If this helps at all I also have made a LONG series of what I assume are very similar bad choices. Think about if someone very close to you did something similar as to what you did. Would you tell them they deserve to beat themself up forever?

BigGyro09

Date posted: 25w

Pissed off 18+ only

Tried to have a fun day today but I was too into my thoughts and that just ended up ruining it. Had it triggered by something, which was being in a social environment surrounded by people talking to each other while I feel I can't talk to anyone all that much. Why is this the trigger? Because it's happened in the past, and probably childhood, and I guess it didn't sit well with me and it still doesn't. It completely took my mood away on top of bad habits that hurt my self esteem further. Then when I feel I talk a bit too much, I get no responses, so that's why I don't say a whole lot to begin with. That combined with worrying about being judged. Just a vent.

Marie_Anon

Date posted: 19w

Upcoming gathering

I’m nervous about an upcoming gathering. I feel like I won’t be welcomed or only invited for the sake of the host being nice. I am afraid of what I will say or do, that others will pick up on my non verbal behaviors like I do with theirs (i.e. a shoulder shift, eye roll, texting each other while I’m right there etc.) and I’m afraid that I will ruin the vibes of the gathering by becoming paranoid. I don’t want my thoughts to spiral so bad that I need to leave and my fiancé is out of town so it’s not like I can escape. I don’t want to be there the whole time but also don’t want to seem rude by leaving early and keep thinking that if I leave early will be a topic of conversation for others there. It makes me want to curl up and hide in the house all weekend and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it for over a week now.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24d

Real events from years ago questioning who I am

I’m really struggling with real event ocd at the moment because I feel like no one else has done what I did so I’m the exception. I spoke about this already here but I’ve literally been crying every day I feel so hopeless at the moment I wish I could just go back to the years I spent doing this thing and stop myself because my life could have been so much different now. I hate myself so much because I cannot forgive myself. What I did isn’t morally bad it just does not align with my current identity so I really struggle with accepting myself because of my past mistakes. I wish so badly that I had a friend who went through the same thing because I feel so alone

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Feel like friends would hate me.

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community