It's all different, everything. Don't know who I am, what I am, why I am. I don't believe I'm capable of having relationships with people. There's just no purpose for me.
You're not alone in feeling that way. I hope things get better for us
I feel like I need people in my life who understand what I'm going through. It's like family and everyone and everything around me just goes on normally and I'm just a spectator or something. Ever feel that way?
I completely empathize of what you’re going through. Hopefully what I say is not reassurance, however, just hear me out. I drank for over 13 years. I kept suppressing my emotions and traumas. I thought that the alcohol would help me be more confident and popular with people, extroverted. I recently am three months, sober, and I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t know what I like. I don’t know what I am, and I don’t know what’s the future for me. However, be that as it may, I feel that I could become whatever I wanna be. Actually trying to find myself and the people that care about me will also come with. I get that right now it’s daunting and you’re nervous with anxiety, however, you deserve to find who you are and also, find out what you want to be now. And believe me you will because when I was a drunk and loser, I lost my family, I lost my girlfriend, and worst of all I lost myself, and now people are proud of me, and I got my family back.and I’m so grateful for it every day. I have faith you can do and also that you mean more. You are stronger than you think and you deserve to give yourself more credit. May God bless you.
Thanks for your kind encouraging words!
I'm sorry. I've felt like this before
It’s good you don’t have a label to use of who you are. You are a feeling, caring, viable human being who is working on living a full life. You just are, that is why, that is enough. Right now you think you can’t have relationships, but that will change too. It’s hard work, I won’t say that. Your purpose is to learn, grow, help yourself and others and live life fully, to do so, you must have trust in yourself and give yourself permission to feel bad/sad from time to time. Life is none stop uncertainties. There is only awakening to the fact that you do your best each day. You have more power than you think you do. You choose each day how you react or don’t react. Observing is just fine, observe your presence by just keeping quiet and still so you can ground yourself and recharge. It is easy to get lost in this world, with all the noise (tv, text, email, social media, car horns, traffic, work/school demands, family issues, friendship issues and more). Take time out for yourself. Regroup, go somewhere like beach, quiet room, earplugs, aromatherapy, bath, book, nap, yoga, observe nature etc. This will enable to reset and focus on what matters and what is working, what is comforting, what helps, why you need time for yourself, which is a gift to yourself. Hope that helps.❤️
It does, thanks!
I can’t tell what’s right and wrong anymore. It’s like my moral compass/rationality is completely broken. I could just shut my feelings down whenever. It might sound like a good thing but it also means I wouldn’t feel any remorse or guilt or negative emotions if I were to do something immoral (hypothetically speaking). In contrast, sometimes my feelings get so deep in the way that my rationality cannot win no matter what. My brain does that out of nowhere and I hate it because it ends up triggering my OCD theme and I have to start back up to be able to cope again. It’s like I’ve developed this intense intolerance towards any sort of stress whatsoever, even the good type of stress that helps you grow. My brain just shuts down and mentally I become a kid again and I can’t listen to logic no matter what.
I’ve recently become unemployed and the journey to finding a new job is honestly unbearable. I struggle with a major lack of self confidence and I don’t believe I’m good at anything nor smart enough for it, so whenever I look at job websites and see different things advertised I panic. Even with what I’ve wanted to do for years, the thought of going out and doing that makes me feel horrendous because I don’t think I’m capable of doing it. And what doesn’t help is the fact I’ve told my parents this and they just scream at me saying I can’t sit around doing nothing every day when that’s already something I don’t want to do. I want a job, I want to do something I enjoy, I like working I do, and once I’m it in I know I’ll enjoy it, but there’s certain things stopping me from going for it. I hate myself over every possible level to the thought of people seeing me everyday is making me panic, I don’t think I’m very intelligent so anything that requires me to do maths or organise numbers or anything like that is out of the question. I’ve worked in hospitality for 7 years, doing shit I despise and I honestly have hated every moment of it so I can’t go back there. It’s all scaring me, all making me feel like I’m just incapable of doing anything right, I genuinely just don’t even want to wake up tomorrow because the thought of living this life for the rest of my life is ridiculous. I don’t want to do it. I don’t have anything I’m good at, there’s nothing I enjoy what the hell am I meant to do with that? I’m honestly so stuck. Everyone keeps saying “beggars can’t be choosers” but this is my fucjing life and I have to do a shit job that makes me want to throw myself off a 30 story building till I’m 70? Fuck no. What kind of life is that? Just so I can make money? And afford bills? And pay to live? wtf I don’t even want to be here so why am I doing that. I don’t enjoy living I a really fucking hate it. And working down the local grocery store is just not gonna make me wanna be here any longer. I really hate it here and now I have to find a job that I’ll hate? I’m so stuck
I don't know what's real. I don't know who I am, I don't know if everything I believe is made up, all my emotions, my memories..it feels fake, I'm stressed the fuck out because I can't even tell if my past is real
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