Huge setback, emotional setback

my therapist isnt avaible for a this week and this weeks been hell, cant focus, i keep getting stuck in my thoughts, if i predict something will happen and it doesnt, my brain gets stuck on what if it did and then my obession keeps going, i keep trying to not pay attention or let go of my thoughts but feels like im in a trance when the thoughts come up and feels hard to snap out of it. also since my ocd is to the point of disability (despite social security keeps denying me) i cant go out much and my fears have been getting more and more dehabilitating and i dont know how to properly fix it, i dont know the right way to respond to these thoughts, i dont know how to let go, its just been super rough and demoralizing...

I get alot of times that you should let yourself feel your emotions,now I kinda see the emotions i was struggling with before, and the problem might have been that i didnt let myself feel them, and i even think that thats why i experienced panic attacks. However im struggling again cause letting myself feel the emotions made me emotional and throughout the day many times i feel something that i dont know what to do with, giving them attention makes me spiral. Now its about my dog, for two days he vomitted out what he ate and now he doesnt want to eat his food, some food he does want but those are some human food that he shouldnt eat. But my mom brought chicken meat to him, he doesnt want to eat it, and she made something for him but he doesnt wants to eat that either...This makes me really sad cause im afraid i will lose him. I feel really bad when someone who i love is sick and with him its hard cause dogs cant tell you whats the problem. I have a deep sadness about it and fear and I let myself feel it but it gets so bad that it doesnt help me at all. I dont find it helpful, its just makes my day harder. Now again makes me angry if i hear someone saying you should feel all your feelings... Being aware of it, it takes your focus too, i never understood that, how you are aware of something and your focus does not move there... The bird exemple is not true for me, if i go out and hear a bird chirping either im aware of it and it takes my focus,or I enjoy it with the view, or I just notice it and then ignore it,I dont give so much attention to it. Right now birds are chirping, if i put my awarness there i notice them, but if i focus on here that im writing now, i dont notice them,i forget that birds are chirping...Its not like im aware of both... I agree that i should let myself feel more emotions cause alot of problems came there but I dont know where is the line and when im giving too much attention or when im dealing with them too much...

does anyone else with this theme feel like their suic. ocd skyrockets when something in your life happens?? i’ve been doing so good managing these thoughts and not panicking, but i had a event happen in my life and all of them are back hitting hard. i’m arguing with myself on whether im actually depressed or not and “what if this means my thoughts are real”, it’s all what if thoughts, but because ive been doing so good with them, what if they are real this time? like im panicking again because im scared they are real? like i’m not depressed im just going through a few things right now. idk what it is. but i really need tips on how to help with setbacks and what to do to stop myself from arguing with my mind when i already know the truth.