What do you do when you feel something you’ve done is unforgivable? How do you move on? I have tried radical self acceptance, lots of therapy, and many other things to try to move forward in life. But I’m stuck in a never ending spiral of self loathing. Do I just need to accept/embrace that I’m a villain? I feel so hopeless.
You’re not alone. I don’t know if I have an answer, but it made me feel less alone to read your post. I’m in the exact same position.
@Anonymous Well I would give you a big ol hug if I could. We’re gonna get through this <3
@enola You’re so sweet omfg. I’d give you a big ol hug too. This is exactly what I needed today. We will get through this. <3
Who decides if you're forgivable or not? It's not our decision to make. :-)
@Someone99 This way of thinking is so hard for me. I understand it but I struggle to accept it. I confessed to the person I’ve wronged (my girlfriend) and she has long since forgiven me and healed herself. For some reason she still loves me and I don’t understand how. I’m just going to come out and say it, what I did was emotional (borderline physical) infidelity. There are so many other shitty things I’ve done that I’ve had to forgive myself for, but it’s been 4 years and I still think of this all day, nearly every single day. I have nightmares about it. I’ve coped with it in a myriad of self destructive ways. I’ve tried every form of self punishment there is. And all of this is so messed up because this line of thinking is selfish and self absorbed. I see that, but I can’t stop obsessing about getting what I deserve. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even belong on this forum. Everyone here seems so genuinely good and I feel so so dirty. I’m so sorry for ranting at you, I have just been struggling with a gigantic spike today. And for anyone reading this, I’m not trying to use this as just a confession, but more a way to try and open up a conversation about more taboo real events and how to approach them. But to you specifically, Someone99, thank you so so much for every response to my posts. You are such a kind person. I hope you are doing well today. I’m sorry if this seems like dumping, I may delete it haha. Sometimes I tend to use this app like a journal 😬 But if you ever need to talk about anything, I’m here!
@enola Thank you for writing this to me!!!
@enola I know all about what you're going through. I had an affair and ruined my marriage. It all fell apart in the summer of 2018. I would very much like to be a friend to you, if you'd like. If so maybe we could email or chat on another app for privacy?
@enola I feel I don't deserve anything at times too, it's a daily thing. Thanksgiving here has been very difficult for me.
I had trouble with this, Therapy helped. My therapist basically made me go back in time and talk to my younger self etc. I ended up forgiving my younger self, it helped tremendously
I’ve done things in the past few years that I’m not proud of - only a couple of things I can think of and they didn’t directly hurt anyone at least with is relieving (but maybe indirectly they sort of did or could’ve which makes me hate myself because why did I do that… *how* could I do that…) If I could back and stop those things from happening, I would. I may not have thought about what I was doing at the time, so I didn’t really recognize that they weren’t okay, but that doesn’t excuse them, and I would smack some sense into my past self if I were able. I feel like if anyone knew what I‘ve done, they wouldn’t want anything to do with me. They’d write me off as worthless. And maybe they should to be honest. Now yet another thing has come up - I haven’t done anything, but I had an intrusive thought pop up that made me *think* about doing something and this would be unforgivable in my opinion. Though, to be honest, the things I’ve done before are also somewhat unforgivable in my opinion… 😞 Regardless, I don’t want to do it because I don’t think it’s okay, but I worry deep down that I do. Or that I’m looking for an excuse to make it okay to do. I don’t know, it’s complicated. And I’m upset I even thought about it. I wish I had never seen the thing that triggered that intrusive thought. Yet another thing I would stop if I could. I’ve tried to not think about it or focus on it, but it doesn’t work. Even if it goes away, it just comes back again. I just keep thinking about it and it’s overwhelming. Anyway all of the guilt of this is killing me. I feel like an irredeemably terrible person and it makes me want to give up. I can’t get on with life because it’s paralyzing. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and at this point, it feels like I don’t deserve to just move on. I can’t live with myself and I feel like I don’t deserve anything anymore. I know a lot of this is probably OCD, but I’m not sure all of it is and I don’t know what to do… if I spoke to a therapist about it, I don’t think I could bring myself to say what I’ve done or what thoughts I’ve had. But if I was told to move on by someone who didn’t know the truth, I would worry they wouldn’t really say that if they knew. Agh, it’s all just a mess 😞
I want to move on and accept my past mistakes, but I feel like truly forgiving myself isn’t acceptable. My therapist says not to judge my past self but seek to understand. But if what I’ve done has gone against my moral values, how exactly do I do this? I’ve learned my lesson, and I just want to move on. But that feels like letting myself off the hook. Any tips or advice??
I’ve posted something vulnerable here before and I’m trying to ride out the wave of reassurance where it’s getting at me and I’m scared of sitting still with nobody to talk to about this at the moment I genuinely think it would be easier if I wasn’t around. I view my friends as pure compared to me and I’m the most impurest. I feel like this would do a favour to stop being here I don’t know what to do, I really don’t know. I’m literally alone in this and I’m getting tired. How do you deal with stupid choices that you made as a child? I’m trying to be understanding of past mistakes but it’s gut wrenching to try and accept to say and admit you did it knowing you’ll spend the rest of your life with that guilt..is there another perspective to this..???
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