does anyone else have mental compulsions? if so, what are they?

At times, my intrusive thoughts get so intense that all I can do is lay frozen in my bed and hope I fall asleep, and usually I do even if I'm not tired. My brain just wears me out and I wanna escape through sleep. (Sadly it doesn't work all the time)

I cannot for the life of me stop ruminating or checking how I feel about thoughts or focusing on thoughts or creating more thoughts. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I want to scream. I try not to ruminate about the thoughts, but trying not to just makes me think about them more. I try not to check, but somehow, I still check. I want to let a thought sit in the background, but the more I try not to focus on it, the more I end up focusing on it. I don’t want the thought to expand because that feels like engaging with it, but I can’t just stop it from expanding. It feels impossible. People keep saying I’m in control of my compulsions, and maybe that’s true for the physical ones. But when it comes to the mental compulsions, I swear I have no control. It feels like I’m missing something that everyone else seems to have, like there’s some tool they’re using that I don’t have. Controlling mental compulsions has never felt possible for me. I’m starting to fear them. And every time someone says I’m in control and can just choose not to do them, I end up beating myself up even more when they happen. Or when I *choose* I guess. I don’t know anymore. If this is my fault, if I’m responsible for this, then what does that make me? I feel like a monster. I am at my wits’ end. How am I supposed to control mental compulsions when it feels like they control me? I freak out when they happen. They don’t bring me relief, they just make me panic. I want it to stop so bad.

This list by ai gives a good summary of my symptoms. Does it resemble OCD or is it something else? 1. Compulsions (OCD-specific behaviors): • Feeling the need to flex or contract muscles an even number of times, equally on both sides of your body. • Needing to reverse actions (for example, if you roll your eyes or trace a line with your finger, you feel compelled to do it again in the exact opposite way). 2. Intrusive Thoughts (OCD-specific ruminations): • Daydreaming about people you care about getting hurt (e.g., school shooting, injury, or kidnapping). • Sometimes feeling like you might want something bad to happen to someone you find attractive—possibly because of a desire to help or save them, though it’s confusing. • These thoughts can sometimes provide a twisted sense of relief while remaining distressing and confusing. 3. Sexual Orientation OCD: • Experiencing confusion or doubt about your sexual orientation. 4. Contamination Thoughts: • Feeling like things are contaminated, especially after touching something gross. 5. Sensory Compulsions: • Feeling the need to smell your hand after touching areas like your ear or hair. 6. ADHD-like Symptoms / Additional Observations: • Fidgeting or moving your legs when standing or sitting.