My brain is constantly questioning my partner because of height. It is making me so unsure inside. It is all I think about. Erp has not been working. It is ruining my life. I am having so many negative thoughts I don’t know how to overcome this. My thoughts start spiraling I don’t even realize if it is ocd or not.
i understand what you’re feeling all too well. this happens to me as well when i start seeing a new person, my ocd starts questioning everything about their appearance and makes me feel terrible and so anxious that i have to stop seeing them. from my experience however, i’ve found that these aren’t my own thoughts or “underlying feelings” that i have. i’ve found that the reason i have these thoughts and doubts is because my ocd likes to latch onto societal norms or pressures. for example, i know that i don’t care about the height of my partner, but since i’m above average height, societal norms push that i should only be wanting to date tall guys and that i should be bothered if they’re not “tall”. so my ocd will start projecting these stupid societal standards into my mind, trying to make me believe their my own and sabotage me. it can be rlly hard to get past and but ultimately i have to be reminding myself that i know how my ocd works and i know what kind of stuff it likes to latch onto so i can separate my true thoughts and feelings from the manufactured ones my ocd tries to push
Well said, I completely agree!
I'm not a therapist, but this is just my personal feeling on this. I think OCD tends to exponentially increase or magnify what our subconscious is thinking. So if it's a subconscious annoyance to you that your partner is too tall or too short, it could be manifesting as an all consuming thought due to your OCD. I would take those thoughts with a grain of salt since it's just an appearance based thing that your partner can't control. The question I think you want to consider is whether or not your partner's height impacts your attraction to them enough that you would consider leaving the relationship. No relationship is perfect, and nobody will appear "perfectly attractive" to their partner. If you partner has qualities that matter more, like kindness, honesty, ect., then perhaps you could overlook a concern over appearance. Sorry for the long message but hopefully it helps.
@DinDjarin How do you get it to stop manifesting if erp does not work and it’s all I think about 24/7
@bruin - I don't know for sure. Personally, I haven't gotten my obsessive thoughts to stop. They might not stop for you. But that doesn't have to ruin your relationship if it's something you want. If I were in your shoes, I'd tell your partner exactly how you're feeling. Honestly is key in every relationship. If your partner is the right one for you, they will be understanding and help you through it. Having your feelings out in the open might be the thing that gets the thoughts to go away or be less severe. If you can them in, they'll just gnaw at you and poison your relationship.
I’m not an expert. And as I understand it, ERP is not used for the purpose of ridding yourself of the thoughts/feelings. Part of practicing ERP is to allow the thoughts/feelings to remain while you proceed with your daily activities, knowing that you can handle them. With daily practice eventually the thoughts about the height issue becomes a shrug, a brush off or something that doesn’t require any attention. I know that it’s easier said than done. Please know that you’re not alone when I say, you have to have the courage and conviction to continue practicing ERP. Hoping this helps you!!!
When you just don’t know anymore. Is it OCD, is it me. Is it ocd because I’m questioning it? Can someone help me. I’m having a tough time with suicidal OCD and keep thinking that this is with me forever and it’s not going to get better. My ROCD has also started to kick in 😢 I feel like I can’t enjoy myself because these thoughts and feeling are just sitting over me
My anxiety has been terrible everyday for 8 months straight due to engagement and getting married. I am now a month away and everytime I see my partner I start really freaking out over height. The anxiety is so intense nothing is helping. I just cry everyday. It doesn’t feel like ocd but real thoughts. What do I do:( please help me.
I feel like I am constantly questioning every word and action of my boyfriend and I don’t know how to stop. It is driving us both insane. It has gotten to the point where I am picking apart the smallest things and making him explain them if he does not word it a certain way. How do i stop? :(
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