Dating with OCD as a straight man

I just wanted to put this out there and ask how other straight guys with OCD date/meet women while having OCD. I’m 22 years old, unemployed (only worked 2 part time jobs in the past), no license/car, virgin, and only really have 1 guy friend that I talk to on a weekly basis (long distance). I’m really lonely and strongly desire to connect with and experience intimacy with a woman. I feel as a guy with severe OCD I’m at an automatic disadvantage. I feel it’s easier for women who have OCD to date and find men who accept them as us men are generally less picky and tend to not have expectations like women do. We generally tend to look for women who have good character, easy to talk to, kind, attractive, etc. On the other hand it seems women tend to have lots of expectations and standards to meet, of which I don’t even have the basics. I’m not accomplished or successful (financially or socially) by any means and don’t see how I could be sexually desirable to a woman. I struggle with hygiene due to avoidance caused by compulsions (not sure if a potential relationship would help or just make it worse) which obviously is a turn off. I also struggle with self management (tending to responsibilities). All of this is really emasculating to go through and causes social anxiety and immense feelings of insecurity. I know this was a lot to read, I kind of struggle dumped but I wanted to see if any relate to this or have advice on how to deal with it. I also feel that my lack of experience with women due to OCD will only hurt me in the long run. Feel free to share anything. Thanks for reading.

JamesMY

Date posted: 1y

I am 48, OCD, didn't lost my virginity until I was 38. I am very sensitive but also fear being vulnerable, so I never dated. Most likely you'll have to meet female friends and then a relationship can happen out of that. Trust is a big thing when you have OCD. Ps. Don't confess you have OCD when you meet women

myocdsux

Date posted: 1y

As a woman, I can tell you that it's not any easier to date. Having OCD just makes having any relationship difficult (but not impossible, don't give up hope) You are still young and you still have time to make progress if you truly want to work at it (it's never too late) Also, try not to focus so much on what a woman wants & finds attractive, try to change your focus as to what you want instead. Be that person & date yourself. I know that sounds silly but I mean it as a way like treat yourself as you would treat someone you dated. Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself they way you would take care of someone else that you cared for. Best wishes 💜

Jenny14

Date posted: 1y

I’m a woman and find dating really difficult because of intrusive thoughts. It’s not that guys aren’t interested in me, it’s that I get much worse anxious thoughts when in a relationship. It’s weird. I’m 19 so just not going to date for the time being, hopefully I can get better and date eventually. For now, I’m ridin solo

TBdiz89

Date posted: 1y

I would say push yourself out there. Your ocd isn’t you, yes it is a part of you but that is not all you are. Maybe get on a dating app meet some people. Be kind to yourself 💕

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I appreciate all of you taking the time to read and comment, I hope the best for you all.

Gato0z

Date posted: 22w

Any advice?

I feel completely unlovable. I have a difficult time getting close to people because of my OCD and I have to force myself to not compulsively seek reassurance. I feel like I’ll never find my person. I’m worried I’ll be an awful wife because of my inability to do anything. I want to show up for my partner, but I feel stuck because of my OCD. I think it’s safer to just be alone.

Canes12345!

Date posted: 21w

My life with ocd

I’m a good man and I know that. My OCD revolves around relationships. While dating someone a truly enjoy, I find myself needing to compulse everything on my mind or else I feel like I’m being a liar or keeping secrets. I also am pretty confident I suffer from false memory ocd. I don’t like to put a label on things but I’m 99.9% sure I do. My compulsions a lot of times come from things I’m not even sure are real. The more thought I put into them, the more I start to believe they are real. One of the worst compulsions I had in my relationship was I had a thought “what if I find my ex more attractive” and “what if I thought the sex with them was better”. I ended up compulsing these things to my gf. After lots of time to think and get a ahold of myself I was able to remind myself that these things weren’t true and I was just in a downward spiral. There was a 2-3 month period where every time I was relieved of something then I would instantly think of something else. These compulsions have caused insecurity in my gf and I feel like a terrible person. Never meant to hurt her at all and was just trying to find a sense of relief. While I know it is not true, I can’t fix things with words and I feel terrible. I would love to hear from people with tricks and strategies that can help. I love my gf and want to fix things and understand this is not a relationship fixer app but I would like to know what are some ways you are able to deal with these kind of things.

jcai68

Date posted: 19w

Anyone else get really hung up on crushes?

Okay, just wanna start by saying that I don’t have ROCD. I have perfectionism OCD, and I get intrusive thoughts that no one will like me, I’ll lose all my friends, I’ll be alone for life, etc. if I don’t have things “just right.” I feel like every time I like someone, my OCD just gets worse cause if I don’t perform compulsions, I feel like I have no chance with him. Your handwriting wasn’t smooth? Guess your love life won’t be either. The volume of your phone was too low? Guess your chances with him are too. Failed to draw your graph perfectly symmetrical? Guess what else you’ll fail at. It’s honestly exhausting, and that it isn’t even it. I feel like I tend to fixate on my crushes also. I wanna be 100% sure they’re a good fit before making a move, and that’s really problematic cause there’s just no way to know. And even if I deem that they’re a good guy, I STILL won’t do anything cause I always expect the worst! What if the first impression that I make is so bad that he wants nothing to do with me? I put so much pressure on myself to get him to like me back that I’m terrified to make a move. I’m so focused on the prospect of a second convo that I don’t even want to have the first convo! Like rn, there’s this dude that caught my eye. He’s a senior in high school, while I’m a junior. I’m taking AP bio, and he’s taking AP chem—both are 1.5 periods, so I see him in the cafe and during the passing period (we leave the cafe halfway through the lunch period). I purposely plant myself next to him in the halls during the passing period but haven’t worked up the courage to talk to him. He’s single, I don’t have any classes with him this year, he’ll be at college next year, we follow each other on instagram, and my friends have told me that he’s nice (and keeps to himself), so there’s minimal risk in trying to talk to him. Thing is though, every time I think about introducing myself, I just imagine all the ways that it can go wrong. What if he hates me? What if my first impression is actually good and we become friends, but he doesn’t like me back? What if I tell him I like him over messages, and he screenshots my text and posts it on his instagram story? I don’t know what to do. I know that high school is kinda early and that I still have time to figure things out. I’m just worried that I still won’t have things figured out when I need to. Any advice or personal experience would be welcome and greatly appreciated!

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Dating with OCD as a straight man

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