Meta-OCD and Psychiatrist Trauma

Hey guys, I‘ve been struggling a lot recently with the feeling that i in fact may not have ocd. I am feeling a tremendous amount of uncertainty and fear and i think i know where this is coming from. I‘ve dealt with psychiatrists and therapists in the past that i feel like were obsessed with maintaining psychological power over me, which is very toxic especially because of their high responsibility towards their mentally ill patients (who are not capable of dealing with this additional dimension of struggle in the phase where they do not (yet) have any trustworthy relationship with them) I felt abused, unsafe and so anxious; i never felt sth like this before. It was a bit like a black hole or the feeling of drowning. They kept making me feel like i have to prove my pain and one time my therapist literally said to me that my stuff i was telling him was basically nothing. And now i am constantly feeling like an imposter and think that others have it so much worse than me. Can somebody relate to this? Much love (P.S. i now, luckily, have a very understanding therapist where i feel quite comfortable and safe, but i‘m still not over my past experiences)

Username: bivlobivlo

Date posted: 1y ago

i just recently got diagnosed with ocd a few months ago, and i have felt the same way. in the past, i’ve had a psychiatrist tell me “you must be doing something wrong” when telling her that the meds i was on werent working, and my first therapist literally asked me “do you WANT something to be wrong with you?” while expressing my concern that there might actually be something worse going on than the anxiety/depression i was being treated for (now i realize that that was probably just my ocd telling me that, so i guess i was right? lol). i have also gotten misdiagnosed with a personality disorder, so in the first few weeks after getting diagnosed with ocd, i was constantly telling myself that my therapist (who helped diagnose me) had it wrong and that i didn’t actually have ocd, there was just something “wrong” with me. i still feel this way, like my symptoms arent as bad as others’ so i must not have ocd/it’s not worth being treated because others have it worse and i can still do necessary tasks (sometimes). all this to say, i relate to what you are feeling. i think you should definitely talk with your current therapist about this if you haven’t already. they will hopefully be able to help you work through your past experiences with providers. i wish you luck!!

Username: JakobStrundenJakobStrunden

Date posted: 1y ago

@bivlo Thank you very much! I definitely will talk with her about it. Do you now have a better therapist, too?

Username: bivlobivlo

Date posted: 1y ago

@JakobStrunden i do! my currently therapist is very helpful and understanding. i have made the most progress with her in a year than i have in the previous six years with other therapists! lol

Username: Lost-Lost-

Date posted: 1y ago

I have experienced something similar, I just want to say that I have experienced several different practitioners and some of them were genuinely terrible and some of them were fantastic. Unfortunately some people in that profession are un-empathetic, which is a shame considering that should be the pre-requisite for helping for vulnerable people. I’m sorry you were made to feel like that and I hope it never happens again but please don’t be disheartened, it’s just about finding the right fit. One last thing, it doesn’t matter how much someone knows about a field or topic or profession, they should always treat every individual with respect and dignity and you should never ever have to feel like they have power over you.

Username: JakobStrundenJakobStrunden

Date posted: 1y ago

@Lost- Yes 🙌 you are so right!

Username: Ocd9239Ocd9239

Date posted: 1y ago

Ik so sorry you had a bad experience in the past. Question, when ur old therapist told u that ur thoughts were basically nothing, did they mean like oh they're just intrusive so u shouldn't pay attention to them or did they actually not care? But I'm glad you got a more understanding therapist now:)

Username: JakobStrundenJakobStrunden

Date posted: 1y ago

@internetperson I‘m not sure if there‘s the same expression in english (im from germany) but the time i was brave enough to mention some examples of my moral ocd he said „well, this is peanuts“ and indirectly asked me to tell him the the „true“ core problem

Username: JakobStrundenJakobStrunden

Date posted: 1y ago

@internetperson And well after that i had major trust issues

Username: Ocd9239Ocd9239

Date posted: 1y ago

@JakobStrunden Ohh, so he didn't really understand ?

Username: JenniesOCDBrainJenniesOCDBrain

Date posted: 1y ago

hey there, i'm really sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. feeling like you have to prove your pain is incredibly invalidating, especially when you're already carrying the weight of ocd. it's great that you've found a supportive therapist now, but it makes total sense that those past experiences are still haunting you. having different obsessions from pure o myself, i can still totally relate to the uncertainty and fear that comes with ocd. it's like a constant background noise that just won't quit, right? i'm here to listen whenever you need to vent or just talk it out. 🌟 about that feeling of being an imposter, i heard about this free AI OCD therapy tool called "unstuck" at www.AIOCDtool.com from my therapist. i know it sounds like i'm just promoting some app, but honestly, i hate that stuff too. i'm bringing it up 'cause it's been a game-changer for me and i genuinely think it could be helpful for you too. since you're dealing with those intense feelings of doubt, the tool could guide you through them, kinda like having an ERP coach in your pocket. you just type in what's bugging you and it helps you work through it step-by-step, like a trained OCD therapist would. it's been a lifesaver for me when my ocd gets overwhelming. if you're curious or have any questions, i'm happy to share more about my experience with it. take care and remember, your struggles are valid, no matter what anyone else's look like. 💙

Username: wishingstar

Date posted: 4y ago

Hi, this is my first time posting here, though I have been looking at the app for support for a while already. I have pretty bad social anxiety which unfortunately extends to even being in forums online as well, so I have been putting off sharing on here. I am in my early 40s and have struggled with OCD in various forms since I was a child. In my mid-teens it exploded into very tormenting Pure O. It is complicated by some comorbidity with other diagnoses — social and generalized anxiety, depression, and CPTSD. The sad thing is that I’ve actually experienced so much harm over the years at the hands of uneducated mental health professionals who didn’t have a clue about OCD or how to work with it, and i feel like I carry this extra burden of shame and trauma from those bad experiences on top of the grueling daily struggle I have with my mental health diagnoses. I am set up to have an initial consultation appointment soon with a therapist who is a psychologist in private practice. They seem kind and very knowledgeable, and so I am very hopeful that we will be a good fit for working together. But I am still haunted by those past bad experiences, and so the whole process of starting with someone new is nerve wracking. Has anyone else had bad experiences with therapists who didn’t understand OCD or who had only a superficial understanding of it? Thanks for reading!

"Pure" OCD

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Feeling Alone And Tired

I’m fairly new to treating my OCD and have felt crazy for most of my life. It didn’t help that no one in my life truly understood OCD and always said I was being dramatic. I very recently (within the past few months) finally got diagnosed with OCD and my whole life started to make sense. However, I recently opened up to someone I really believed I trusted about the intrusive thoughts I have and now feel worse than I ever have before. They essentially called me a psychopath and said they are worried for the people around me. Even though I would and could never hurt anyone. I’ve never felt more alone and broken in my life. I already try very hard to hide my OCD and everything associated with it because no one in my life understands so it’s been easier to deal with it myself than listen to everyone say whatever they have to say about my situation. After what happened today I’m even more inclined to just keep it to myself. I don’t know what I’m expecting from writing this but I figure this is the best place to write what I’m feeling. Going through OCD is hard enough on it’s own. But when people are telling you they think you’re a danger to society and are crazy because of your intrusive thoughts it really hurts. I’m just tired.

Username: messkat55

Date posted: 30w ago

Trauma-related OCD?

I'm starting to think that certain of my trauma struggles are turning into OCD. I have such a fear of people saying good/kind things to me. I associate it with what happened to me as a kid, where I was told good things and later told that those good things weren't really true, that people were telling me what I wanted to hear. So now I feel like I have to be harsh with myself in order to be "safe" from hearing later that the nice things were a lie. Basically avoiding something normal or good out of fear that something bad will happen like it did in the past. I know this involves trauma, but is there an OCD component to it that could be helped by treating it as OCD?

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