OCD is draining me. Everything thought I get feels more and more real ?

This gonna be a long text lol. Well I've had it nearly my whole life but it was all physical so it wasn't that bad but since 2015, it's all been intrusive thoughts. Firstly it was trying to make me like this guy who I wasn't interested in, then I had harm OCD which lasted for months but it passed thankfully then I didn't really have any OCD until months later, I started to suffer from hOCD but I met a guy who i dated for 6 months and it went. I dated another guy months later which lasted for nearly 2 years. I didn't really suffer from OCD much for a while though I had it every now and then but then suddenly one day, he broke up with me then my hOCD came back straight away but it wasn't too bad and we got back together again but weeks after, I start to suffer from rOCD and it stopped me from seeing and messaging him as often. He broke up with me again because I wasn't seeing him enough but I tried everything to see him but I think he didn't really care so much about me in the end. After that, my hOCD become really severe and I lost all my attraction for guys and everything felt so real and after a while, any thought that came into mind just felt like it was me but I know it wasn't but as soon as I'm at my weakest, my harm OCD returns and all my OCD does is harass me saying I want to harm my loved ones and that I'm a murderer. I know that it's completely the opposite to who I really am but my OCD won't let me feel and think that. It's driving me insane and the urges are horrible but I manage to control them. Going to the doctors will help you and I'm scared too but it should be a good thing especially if you're getting CBT.

To me it sounds like OCD despite only having one theme. I wouldn't be scared to go to the doctors and talk to them about it. Thank you, I hope it does too :)

Harm OCD has been the most consistent one for me but the hOCD appears a lot but I think the harm OCD has been there pretty much since it first ever started but it just wasn't as bad for a couple of years. I know harming/murdering my loved ones or anyone is the last thing I want. Ive always been caring, loving, kindhearted. I know that being evil is the opposite to my real self but you are right, OCD goes for the things that scare a person the most. If I could fight it off before then I can do it again!

B13 in ocd it doesn't matter how many themes you have,i only had 1 for 5 years and then another one for 2 months, it's possible to have ocd without any themes even for life if you are lucky and manage it correctly,ocd is more like a risk for ocd circles it doesn't matter if you had one,five or none

Me too but hang in there this will pass it always does

I thought things were improving earlier. I've felt that so many times but then suddenly, I go back to square one again. It's horrible. I'm getting CBT soon so hopefully that will be the beginning of recovery. I've had this for way to long now :(

@ocdcarleigh Hey how long have you had this for? I’ve had it for a while and I want to go to the doctors but I’m too scared.

Oh god I feel for you. I worry though because I’ve only had HOCD since the end of 2014/start of 2015 and sometimes TOCD (I’m not diagnosed either so I don’t even know if it’s OCD). A thought that always come back to me is why I’ve never had any other ‘themes’ because I see a lot of people who have had other themes as well and I just think if I’ve only ever had HOCD and I’ve had it for 5 years nearly then it’s probably not OCD because I don’t worry about harm or POCD. So I’m too scared to go to the doctors.

Also I hope everything goes well for you at your CBT?

My theme has been pretty consistent (harm) and actually one big reoccurring thought that scares me the most :( I think OCD finds whatever scares you the most and just keeps using it. It’s awful. Hugs

Thank you for that

That's why there's no cure for ocd yet but there is cure for ocd themes,ocd is like a possibility foe ocd themes,the fact that you only had one doesn't mean you don't have ocd