Im scared again

I got triggered again cause randomly i remembered that in the past when ocd got so bad, i started to feel really sad and tired that i have this life, that i cant enjoy it and i got thoughts in my head like i dont want to live like this, then i was like i dont want to die, but idk what to do. Im sure i didnt wanted to die, but now when i hear people talking about dealing with suicidal thoughts, i feel like i can relate cause they tell the same story i had. I got tired and i had thoughts like i dont want to live like this. And i cant see the difference,i dont have this now, im just really sad and triggered about the thing that i might had dealt with suicidal thoughts in a real way, and the more i want to deny it the more shame i feel cause it makes me think that i only avoid it cause of shame but i should accept the fact that i was, which i cant. Also it doesnt help that my therapist said when i eas going to therapy that im not in danger but when life gets hard i want to avoid the pain by dying, and the more i tried to accept this, the more depressed and shame i felt...until i decided i will leave cause it made me feel worse... since then im in war with does she was right? Did i ecperienced suicidal thoughts? Am i just putting this ocd label on it cause it feels better? Im really scared that back in the days i actually experienced real suicidal thoughts, and i cant stop to compare myself to people when i hear its the same pattern i did experienced as people who wanted to end their life...

Username: Son2132Son2132

Date posted: 1y ago

i had these too and similar feelings and thoughts. What i realized is that the fact that you get so scared just from that thought itself, tells you that it’s just a thought. OCD thoughts are the opposite of you. If someone was really suicidal they would really want to die and you said it yourself that you don’t want too. our minds can wander off and yes it may say “you’re in denial” but that’s another meaningless thought. I can tell you i had exactly this and realized that the amount of anxiety it brought from just thinking about it, tells me that it’s not me. you wouldn’t be getting this much anxiety from a thought you truly wanted to happen. Your thoughts aren’t you

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

I know i just make it worse with this, but when others talk about suicidal thoughts, they tell you the same thing we experience. As i said i was really emotional that i cant enjoy my life and i was like i cant handle this. And the thoughts came. I can accept this as ocd but then why others have the same experience but they say they deal with suicidal thoughts and not ocd? Also i know someone who had problems with drugs and he was really in danger, hapilly he is okay now, but when i talk with him he just said he learned that those thoughts are just that, thoughts... this is the same how we deal with our ocd thoughts. So yes i felt anxiety, but i also felt tired that i cant enjoy my life, and now i just see like its the same likr when someone gets tired of his life and has thoughts about dying... it really scares me. Im trying to figure out which is a compulsion, but i cant move on without seeing just one difference cause now it feels like im just saying its ocd to avoid the shame...

Username: TapDrumRollTapDrumRoll

Date posted: 1y ago

Do you have a psychiatrist? Have you spoke to a therapist about your concerns?

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

I had before many, i left one cause she didnt knew anything about ocd, and the last one left cause it made me feel more depressed than i was. She said im not in danger but the thoughts of wanting to escape from pain is real, and i couldnt accept that, i tried but i just felt worse and worse...

Username: TapDrumRollTapDrumRoll

Date posted: 1y ago

@PRIV8 Well you have the right to another provider who specializes or is familiar with OCD. If you have depression you can be given an antidepressant. As for the suicidal thoughts, try a suicidal help line. I’m serious, those people are trained in helping and may give you the insight as to whether these are warranted thoughts and cause for alarm. Call them and hear what they have to offer, in respects to their take on your frame of mind and then put it to rest once you hear them out. It couldn’t hurt to listen to their perspective. Maybe replace “ I want to die. I can’t live like this!” with “I’m uncomfortable right now. But this isn’t forever. I’m tired of feeling this way, but this isnt forever. I’ve got work to do. I’m worth finding out how to help myself out of this rut.” Look for another provider. I’ve been through about 7. It’s worth it. But this is temporary, it doesn’t seem like it, but it is just for now. Work in progress. I have hope for you. 💫

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

@TapDrumRoll I know all of this right now, i didnt said i have this now, i said i had in the past and im worried now i had that instead of ocd

Username: Son2132Son2132

Date posted: 1y ago

@PRIV8 there’s this book called overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts it’s helped me out a bit on understanding compulsions and these types of thoughts. The fact that you are so scared of having these thoughts shows that it is intrusive thoughts. You should try the book out it goes more in depth of how to deal with them and what they are

Username: JenniesOCDBrainJenniesOCDBrain

Date posted: 1y ago

hey there, i can hear how tough things are for you right now and i just want to say i'm really sorry you're going through this. i've got my own battles with pure o, and even though our obsessions might not be the same, i totally get that feeling of being stuck in your own mind. it's rough, and i'm here if you need someone to just listen. about that free ai ocd therapy tool, "unstuck," my therapist mentioned it to me and it's been a game-changer. for your situation, where those thoughts are really weighing you down, it could be a solid support. it's like having a mini-therapist in your pocket. you just type out what's bugging you, and it guides you through steps to work through the ocd, kinda like erp but in the moment when you need it. i was skeptical about apps too, i mean, who isn't? but i'm not trying to sell you anything – just wanna share something that's been a lifeline for me. check it out at www.AIOCDtool.com, and if you have any questions or just wanna chat about it, i'm here. hang in there, you're not alone. 🌟

Username: holytropical!

Date posted: 5y ago

(PLEASE HELP IM BEGGING!) Hey guys, right now I’m having suicidal OCD and it’s really fucking scaring me because I know I want to live but it’s feeling like I’m going to end my life any second or any day now and that I’m going to die soon, and I’m afraid that I’m going to come up with a plan and go through with it, or say fuck it, I don’t care about recovery, be selfish and just do it. I’m SO scared I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if these are real suicidal thoughts or just my OCD attacking me and I’m genuinely scared for my life. It’s like every second of the day I get a stupid intrusive suicidal thought and it makes me feel like I’m really suicidal and that I don’t want to live anymore, for ANYTHING positive I hear, I twist it and make it negative and tell myself, you’re going to die soon, or you’re gonna kill yourself anyway, you don’t have a future, you don’t care anymore. I even feel a lil bit down and sad when I get these thoughts and I start to feel depersonalization, I almost feel depressed when I get these thoughts all day and it makes me feel like I’m genuinely gonna get depressed and the suicidal thoughts will become REAL I’m so scared. Even when my parents tell me that I’m going to be ok and not do anything, I tell myself in my mind that I’m still going to go through with suicide and just kill myself. I don’t have a set plan and I’m afraid that I may develop a plan and want to go through with it. IM SCARED FOR MY LIFE! IM SO FUCKING SCARED PLEASE HELP PLEASE! Anyone that has gone through this PLEASE HELP! Going into a hospital won’t help because I’m not ACTUALLY suicidal but these thoughts make me FEEL like I am and it’s just SO confusing I don’t know what’s real and what’s not!!! PLEASE HELP ANYONE!!!! I’m so fucking scared ??

Harm OCD

Username: PRIV8

Date posted: 2y ago

Okay i will be honest cause i had enough of this

My question is can Ocd gives you feelings of the horrible inteusive thought that you have are things you want like the harm thought you have, you have a feeling of "i want to do this cause i feel like it, i will enjoy it" Yesterday i got really angry cause i did something bad,then i wanted to focus on something else but a deep feeling of "no i want to feel this pain" came that really made me scared, and i had to let myself feel that everything is bad, im alone, nobody will help, i wanted to shift my attention but the feeling of no this is an authentic feeling just pushed me back,then all of this created a thought and a feeling of i should die, nothing will be better... since then im terrified that im actually suicidal or not, cause when i want to feel better,i get this feeling of i dont want to feel good,.i want to feel bad cause everything is bad, and i feel terribble and hopeless about this. Can this be ocd? Another one,the harm thoughts, whenever i have one i have a feeling to and thoughts that says i would enjoy that. Im really asking this cause i had enough...

Username: Aislinndest

Date posted: 1y ago

Does this sound like ocd?

I can’t figure out if I’m really suicidal or just obsessing over the thought of it. Im to scared to even do it. I don't know if this is my OCD or what but for the past week or so it's been really bothering me these thoughts that I am on edge, scared. I haven't eaten in 3 days. I have imagined every single way of doing it, and everything and it makes me SICK. It feels like an urge at this point. I start to feel like maybe I could actually do it, then I feel myself about to go into a panic attack. I already feel derealization where this world doesn't feel real and nobody seems real to me, and my family feels like strangers and I'm just really scared. I feel very scared. I don't physically feel like I'm "here." I feel like my mind is lost. I feel like I just want to be at peace and then I think I’m seriously suicidal and the cycle just keeps repeating itself. Im sick to my stomach and terrified.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Im scared again

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community