Username: QueenE1998

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Fear of Relapse

I am doing great! I don’t know why I am doubting myself. But I just feel like I’m missing something? OCD is making me doubt if I am missing tools, I know I’m doing it right, acknowledging thoughts and continue doing what I am doing, not mentally checking my body or for thoughts, focusing on the present moment, sitting with anxiety, exposing myself to my triggers, even when OCD says NO, I still DO IT! but it feels like I am missing something, although I am better than where I was in September , MUCH BETTER, I’m scared that I will stay in this place because it seems so simple, even though sometimes it is SUPER hard to use the tools sometimes, I don’t know, I don’t want to be stuck in this same place I want to get even better if that’s makes sense? I’m scared if I stay in this same place I am, I will get discouraged and go back into depression where I was in September ? Anyone else done this?

Username: MichelleVMichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I started ERP almost two years ago. I’ve worked through and conquered some really hard triggers, that I wasn’t sure I would be able to. But I also fear a relapse, so you’re not alone there. For me personally, when I have a really good day, or can sit with a distressing thought and the anxiety fades quickly, it sometimes feels weird to me. I think it’s because I’ve had OCD for years and years, so that was my “normal.” So finding my new normal, of handling my OCD and not letting it ruin my life, is wonderful but bizarre because it’s new. Your OCD will make you doubt your progress, or make you scared to get better. Try to remember your progress, and know that if you do relapse or get discouraged, you can pull yourself back.

Username: QueenE1998 QueenE1998

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Thank you so much! That is so true! I really appreciate it 😌😌😌😌

Username: Ranger_867Ranger_867

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi there. I hear you and I’m going through that right now. I don’t fear the relapse because I know that it is a part of this damn disease. Also, it is a part of the healing process (all I’ve ever heard are ebbs and flows with OCD). We have the tools, we have to stay with it. Ironically, I let off of my ERP’s and various other techniques over the past two months because things were so good. Looking back, I have to stay on top of them always. A reduction, sure, but I don’t think this is just going to go away. You’ve got this and I’ve got this! Know this, we’ve been there before and got out, we can do it again and again. Stay strong!

Username: QueenE1998 QueenE1998

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Joey_867 Thanks so much Joey! I do appreciate this so much!!!! So what tools did they give you? The same right? I’m not missing anything or should know anything? I have them all? I guess this disease is just having me doubt if I have all the tools lol!

Username: Ranger_867Ranger_867

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@QueenE1998 Absolutely- it’s an absolute chicken 💩 disease. Lots of doubt and fear coupled with our lack of control. For me, it’s remembering to identify “oh hey I’m ruminating and it’s not good for me”. After two months of very little to no rumination, I forgot how important it is to identify and acknowledge the thought but not engage it down the rabbit hole. My biggest mistakes are the 3 R’s: Rumination, Research, and Reassurance. The ERP’s are very helpful- I’m back to doing them twice a day (45-60 minutes each time). Journaling - not to ruminate or create a new compulsion, but to break my habit. I document when a rumination pops in and I stop it. Also, I’ve had a lot of success naming my OC. Always externalizing it and talking down to him. He’s such a wimpy loser. 😆 Lastly, being present is critical. Identifying that yes something may or may not happen in the future doesn’t impact the here and now. This is what matters most. I’ve restarted my evening guided meditations. Works wonders to clear my mind.

Username: QueenE1998 QueenE1998

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Joey_867 Awesome! Thank you so much! Sounds like I’m doing pretty good and doubting myself! Yep! Mine were the 3 R’s too! Now I just acknowledge the thought and move on, I don’t let it bother me , even if it makes me anxious I continue doing what I am doing regardless. I try to stay present and when I find myself worrying I try to focus my attention back on what’s going on for sure. I pray and meditate as well. I journal my days and my progress. So yeah sounds like I am doing pretty good . I also don’t ask my family things as much as hardly at all for reassurance. Still working on the research lol!!!! But everything else I think I’m doing pretty good. I am doing exposures everyday honestly, I have no choice with my exposures and when ocd tells me NO, I do it even more!

Username: Ranger_867Ranger_867

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@QueenE1998 You’re right on top of your game! That’s what it is, a game of chess. Or it’s “OCD Says”. When it says stay in bed and hide, which is one of my biggest struggles, I force myself to get up. Laying there just leads to rumination. I must do the exact opposite of it. Tonight, I was shooting hoops with our son and my rumination wanted to kick in. I focused on being present and pushed through it. This is an opportunity to get stronger and smarter. Great job and good getting to know you!

Username: QueenE1998 QueenE1998

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Joey_867 GREAT JOB JOEY! Absolutely! That’s all you can do! Be strong and push through.

Username: TheocdguitaristTheocdguitarist

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

My therapist had me write this and put it in my car: you will never feel 100%. This has been so crucial for me, because one of my biggest compulsions is checking my emotions to see if I feel just right. Now, when I feel like things are off, I'm learning to allow that discomfort to be there and return to the present moment. I hope this helps! just remember OCD doesn't ever go away, but we can still live happy and fulfilling lives :)

Username: QueenE1998 QueenE1998

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Theocdguitarist Absolutely that really did help me! That is me, I make sure I feel happy 24/7 when I always had ups and downs . The flare up in September set me back checking my emotions, thoughts , upset whenever I felt down and just not feeling it . But I am learning to accept it now. Thank you so much!

Username: peaks&valleys peaks&valleys

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I so relate to this! My version of this is I will be doing better in most aspects of my ocd and then ocd will present the new obsession of “what if I don’t actually have ocd and I was just making all of this up for attention.” Then I spiral into a relapse! Ocd WANTS you to doubt yourself and doubt your progress. I would suggest try and work on acceptance. I accept that ocd will have its highs and lows. I accept that relapse is part of life with ocd. You’re strong! You got this!

Username: QueenE1998 QueenE1998

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@peaks&valleys Thanks so much love! I appreciate it

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 5y ago

There is this time in treatmemt or recovery when you feel less anxious (or depressed if thats an issue) because you are commiting to process doing exposures and its working. But then you start saying "what if I didnt have ocd"? "What if I made it all up"? "What if Im just weak"? Obviously this is just more ocd doubt. But it starts a slippery slope. Amy tips for navigating this fragile part of recovery?

Username: carolinexdavis

Date posted: 4y ago

I struggle with like knowing what’s ocd and what isn’t. Like I think I’m fighting my ocd and I’m doing a good job not giving in, but there are some things where I’m like is this ocd or is this just me not being ocd. Also it’s hard for me when I mess up bc I want to be perfect & everytime I mess up on my ocd, I feel like I’m backtracking & stuck like this. But I’m still doing a lot better it’s just hard bc I know it never fully goes away I just want to get rid of it. But I’m better managing it it’s just tough.

Username: PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

I dont know how to go back

A month ago I was feeling so good, i was im a recovery journey, i had some bad days but then i was able to see it as a good thing. Now for 2 weeks now im on a setback and its worse day by day, now i cant even escape from my mind, i was able to see through all of this, and now this is the complete inverse of that... I cant even go back to see what i did so i do the same again to feel better but my I keep thinking that i just think i kept getting better, i was blinded by the good feelings, actually i was still obsessive, and i cant do the same things again cause it will not help... i feel alot of shame cause how I was felt so good for weeks and see through ocd and now i believe everything my mind says and i react to every thought...thats why i think i wasnt even on a good path, then i wouldnt be here. Im tired of always go back to the starting point...

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